He's just not that into me...

There is this guy I like. He is 4 years younger than I am and my brothers best friend. He knows that I like him but "he is just not that into me."

Have you read the book?

Check it out. It is pretty interesting but doesn't give a really good way for me to not be that interested back.

Well, anyways, my hubby and I had been separated for a while, living in the same house, him downstairs and me up. Then he was in the accident and subsequently incarcerated. I was quite relieved to be "single."

I had been interested in my brothers friend for a while before this. Hate to say it but I don't remember him as a teen-- I was older and he was just a friend of my kid brother and that would have been a little creepy... I first noticed him at his mothers funeral actually. I was there with my brother BK, and asked "who is the guy with the long hair" and he told me ... HUMMMMM I thought, long hair and probably the tallest man in the room, I was interested but at that time not really able to pursue a relationship.

When I became "single" I acted on the attraction quickly... Coming on to "JohnDoe" and letting him know that I would like a relationship with him. He let me know that he is not into relationships but would not turn down a one night stand. It was actually a two night stand then nothing more. He even told me that I was being too pushy, and maybe I was but I was desperate, horny, needy ... mostly scared that I would be turned down.

I have only "been with" my husband until this time, having not dated as a teen and married the first person to actually "want" me. I felt like a teenager... nervous, scared, excited, butterflies in the stomach, worried. It really hurts me to think that once again I am not wanted in a sexual, or even emotional, way. I really like to be with someone, I don't like being alone, I like to be around others even if we are not talking, just knowing they are there, knowing they care. There is just something that being with someone in a relationship, that feeds my soul, that will not be fed by any other relationship/friendship/family. I don't really understand how some people are so comfortable being alone, not needing to be needed, cherished, loved, wanted -- as I do.

Well, anyways back to my original thought... How do I become "just not that into him?" How can I move on? How can I not like this guy as much as I do? How can I move on and find someone else? Why do I need to have a man to be happy? Why does it matter?

I don't know the answers and don't know if I ever will. But I do know one thing... I am forever and always will be...

In His Loving Arms...