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Friday, January 30, 2009

3 of 365

Today is one of those days that I just can't seem to find much "grace" ... my cell phone died and I am getting sick. Yuck.

But I will try:

  1. Zicam
  2. Tissues with Vicks
  3. Hall's sugar free cough drops
  4. DayQuil
  5. hand sanitizer.
Wow I came up with 3, even if they are all Yuck related!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Grace: 2 of 365

  1. libraries
  2. computers at libraries
  3. I can drive to Trader Joe's
  4. veggies in microwave pouches!!!
  5. hair dye

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Loving Arms Seal

From another blog I found an OFFICIAL SEAL GENERATOR, and created a seal with my ending motto... I think it is cool.

Grace: 1 of 365

I heard of this idea of a grace journal from one of the blogs that I frequent, Oh, the Joys who in turn got it from Schmutzie, where it originated. Think it is a wonderful idea because I am oftentimes filled with bitterness, and sometimes it is hard to see the wonder and grace in my life.

So, here goes for today:

1. meeting up with old friends on facebook, some I have not seen/talked with for 18+ years;
2. I was able to use my car and go thru the drive thru for breakfast;
3. I look at the picture posted at my desk and see a smiling President and Mrs. Obama, and know there is hope.
4. Coffee, 'nuff said.
5. Clean drinking water.

In His Loving Arms

Thursday, January 22, 2009

No More Bus Riding

If you watch "Two and a Half Men" you may recall the episode where Judith tells Alan that she is getting married. He closes the door and Charlie counts down "5, 6, 7, 8..." and Alan does the happy dance and sings "NO MORE ALIMONY. NO MORE ALIMONY."

That is the way I feel right now.

Two weeks ago a lady at church asked me if there was any reason I didn't have a car and I explained things to her. She told me she was going to be getting a new car and if I wanted to I could buy her old car. I told her I would think about it. That Thursday she told me that she had indeed got a new car already and had I thought about it? and if so what was my answer?

We talked details and I agreed to buy her car.

Because of the MLK Jr weekend and DMV being closed on Friday as well as Monday I was unable to do anything over the weekend. But, this week I have been busy.

Tuesday I took off work early and sat at DMV and got my licence renewed. It has been expired since Dec 2007 (I didn't know it until Oct 2008!!!). I only missed 1 question on the written test, passed the eye "EXAM" (what a joke), took a WONDERFUL (YEAH RIGHT!) picture, and got my temporary licence.

Yesterday I went online and started the process of getting insured, both for me and Charlie on the policy. I had to call and get the VIN from the owner today. I made my first insurance payment and printed out my temporary insurance ID cards.

I am both nervous and excited!!! Oh, and tomorrow I get to drive up the hill and take Charlie to Young Adult retreat, and he wants to drive part of the way (of course).

In His Loving Arms...

Depression Medication

I just wanted to state that I have weened myself off my depression meds. I know they tell you not to stop without consulting your therapist... but Kaiser is a joke, both at scheduling and seeing and managing depression. I was tired of taking all the med, so started slowing backing off. I stopped taking the wellbutrin a few months ago, it does not have any adverse side-effects that I notices. The effexor is more complex.

I would alway know when I stopped taking effexor because of a "zapping" in my brain. I liken them to electric fence shock. Sometimes they would be quite powerful and disturbing. SO, knowing this, I cut back from 3 tablets a day, to 2, to 1, then tried going every other day but that didn't really work. So I actually cut from 1 to 1/2 tablet, then down to 1/4 tablet. Now I am off all my meds EXCEPT for my allergy medication.

Claritin and sudafed are my forever friends!

It has been since Jan 1 since I have had any anti-depressants and has been going well. Just one day of self-pity, otherwise I am doing great.

In His Loving Arms...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Church Frustrations

I just have to write a note about my former church. I moved away just as trouble was brewing. There was a fall out over a few different issues regarding our denomination and our region and it has torn the church apart.

They had a meeting last week and have decided to split from our denomination and continue on; but as what???

My dad is board chair and this has torn him to pieces. He went to this church with his grandmother as a boy. It is HIS church. He does not want to have to go to another church, but with the church splitting apart he does not know what to do. I have tried to talk him into coming to the church that I go to, but it would be over 30 minutes drive to and from, and it would not be HIS church. He loves his church, but he does not love what it has become. It is toxic.

At the meeting he advised those members who were there that he would be board chair until the end of January. He reminded them that they need to fill positions in the church: elders, diaconate, board chair, vice chair, etc. No one offered to step up and fill those positions.

The church now needs a new constitution, bylaws, mission statement. It has NOTHING, except a bunch of unhappy members, on both sides of the fence. The thing that gets me is that no one wants to DO ANYTHING. It has been like pulling teeth over there for years. The same 5 people do EVERYTHING. No one else will do mission work, outreach, teach, preach, bulletins, go to regional functions. But, they certainly want things to be their way or the highway.

I feel sorry for those people who were active in years past. Those who support the denomination and region in their views. Those who have benefited by the church at large. Those children who went to camp. The women and men who went to retreat and annual meetings. But again it was only a handful of people who did anything OTHER than attend church on Sunday morning. It was difficult to even get them to stay after church for SCHEDULED meetings.

My dad told me that people who were very vocal about the way the church should be were not even there for the day of the vote. There were about 35 people who voted, but some of the main players, both FOR and AGAINST the split WERE NOT THERE.

That makes me mad. If you are in there stirring up shit, then why were you not there to at least VOTE??? WHY??? I just don't understand that logic. It makes me mad to see what it has done to my dad. It makes me mad to see what it has done to my best friend and my former pastor. It makes me mad to think what it has done to the saint's of the church, most who are over 65, and what will they do now? It makes me mad that the "church" (those members who voted FOR the split) basically has told me that they don't want me there. Not in so many words, but in actions. This church has been in our denomination for well over 50 years. No one seems to know if it was affiliated with a denomination before the 1950's. Now it is not. So, where does that leave those members who voted to stay in the denomination?? Where do they go?? This is still THEIR church.

It makes me SAD to think of all the children we have put through summer camp, especially in the past few years, who were looked down upon by the haters of the church. Those children have no one and no where to turn, and their only example of "church" were people who "hate us" (their words)... Granted they did get great examples from our region and they got a good summer camp experience, but their "home church" did not support them.

Where is the Christianity in that??? Where is the love, compassion, attitude of gratitude?? It is not and has not been in that church for the past couple years and that makes me sad.

I can only offer encouragement and prayers that the church members will be able to pull through, that things will work out...

In His Loving Arms...

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Thursday, January 08, 2009


Do you ever have those days or weeks or months when your head feels like it will just explode? Having one right now.

It is compounded by noise and the office is really noisy today. Kablooey.

Last night while at the library, in the computer area, there were three teens who talked the entire time, and not in whispers, even after complaints. Kablooey.

While laying in bed trying to sleep the upstairs neighbor taking shower and walking about (old floors don't help either). Kablooey.

Helicopter flying overhead while waiting for bus last night. Kablooey.

Life in general... Kablooey!!!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Another Post about Riding the Bus

Ok. This is another post about riding the bus. But it is not about ME!

I am writing this at the library, which I got to by taking the bus, but that is the only thing about this that I am actually involved in. I am just an observer... really.

I got off the bus and was standing at the corner waiting to cross the road that heads towards the library. While I was waiting there two teen boys were waiting at the other side of the cross walk, waiting to cross towards me. As we all were standing there waiting another bus, the 23, had to stop at the same light, going the same direction as the boys were.

I saw the boys waving and gesturing to the bus as if saying "HEY! HI! We need to get on this bus... Over there !!!" I don't know if the bus driver saw them, but I did and I am going to assume for arguments' sake that the bus driver DID see the boys.

Well the bus was in the left turn lane, which would get the green light BEFORE the boys would... The light changed, the bus and other cars (two lanes worth) made the turn. The bus pulled up to the bus-stop and on/off loaded passengers.

The boys, as soon as they got the go-ahead, ran, hauled-butt, across the street, even cutting the corner in order to get to the bus. They were RUNNING!!!! Another guy was standing next to me by this time, and we watched them run, and laughed sort of in encouragement.

The driver pulled away.... leaving the boys in the "natural gas" fumes.

I looked in disbelief at the guy crossing the road with me. We both shook our heads. I could NOT believe it. "Oh, man. Damn, that sucks. You know he saw them." We did that little chuckle people do when they can't believe it. And then we parted ways.

I hope Karma kicks the bus driver for that one.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

WARNING: TOILET TALK is the subject.

WARNING: TOILET TALK is the subject.

If that GROSSES you out, then don’t read, though I will try to stay as clean as I can.

A few years ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about sounds heard in public bathrooms. He said he trys to be as quiet as possible. I told him “sorry, but… sometimes you can’t be quiet, and after all it IS A BATHROOM” … and bodily functions do happen and they DO make noise.

You sometimes hear people flushing at the appropriate times… this serves a two-fold purpose… both covering the sound and getting rid of the evidence. Some people do the flush, others just let’er rip.

You know what?? It is a bathroom. I would rather hear bathroom noises, more so than the conversation of someone talking loudly on a cell phone, or gossiping about a co-worker. Well to be honest I would rather NOT hear the noises, but once again, it is a public bathroom.

But I am not addressing my real issue of the day. My office has probably 200-300 workers, most of them female. I counted the stalls, there are 9. It is adequate; I have never had to wait in line yet. However, this bathroom has NO vent, and no automated air-freshener attached to the wall. So, some enterprising individual(s) have brought in canned air-freshener… there are more than one can in the space.

I understand that some people can not physically handle the smells of a bathroom, and will vomit/gag as a response and so they need to mask the scents. However, there really is or should be a limit to HOW MUCH freshener needs to be sprayed.

Sometimes I have walked into the bathroom and gagged on the over-abundance of scents (of all kinds). I have allergies so the perfumes cause me to have sneeze attacks, and then head-aches. Not to mention I just really don’t want to breathe in all the chemicals floating around in the air.

Then there are those times when you are actually in the stall and some brainiac walks down the aisle spraying into each of the stalls, in a steady stream, up and back. This lets the fall-out rain down on ALL occupants.

I also love it when there are multiple people in the room, and then someone walks in, notices the scent and glares at all “offenders,” as if saying “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!”

Get real people. I don’t like the smell either but deal with it. There are just somethings in life that we have to deal with, and bathroom smells are definitely one of them. I do wish I could smack the engineer/architect who designed a bathroom without a vent however. They should be a mandatory item.

Remaining in Jesus Loving Arms, even while in the toilet.


"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together."

-Vesta Kelly

Friday, January 02, 2009

A new year, but the same old "stuff"

Happy New Year, 2009!

So, another year has come … and gone.

2008 was fairly much like every other year; I am a pretty boring person.

I was talking with my stepmom Joyce on Christmas and she was talking about all the things she did (she travels a LOT). I was trying to remember the last time I went to L.A. and it was soon after I left Southern California. At that time I went to a friend’s funeral. This was BEFORE Charlie was born, and he is 18 now.

The only thing that I do outside of Sacramento is go to Santa Cruz for women’s retreat and to the Monterey Bay area for Annual Meeting. Charlie has not been to “local” attractions, meaning within the state, at all. He has not been to Disneyland, or to Yosemite. We have been through San Francisco, on the way to his winter retreat, but we have never really gone there and done sight seeing things like to Pier 39 or Alcatraz or the Wax Museum. When he was about 7 we went to the Exploratorium, but he was not interested in it and had a horrible time.

I did get him to Great America for his 17th birthday. That was cool. We took the train and had a great day. But, really, other than that we have not done a whole lot. This I feel guilty about. I know that the things that he has done is more than a great percentage of children and adults have done in their lives, but it is less than a lot of people too. I guess the main thing that gets me is that it is less than I was privileged to have done by the time I was his age.

What gets me is that he had to sit there at Christmas also, and listen to Grandma Joyce talk about all the cool things she does and places that she goes. I don’t know how he feels about it, but it makes me feel crappy.

I can complain all I want about Joyce and how we didn’t get along, but for the few years she and Dad were married, she did expose me to a lot of things: skiing, trip to Ashland Oregon Shakespeare festival, train trip to Colorado, piano lessons (that I hated). Of course we also had a violent relationship, which included a lot of yelling and hitting on both of our parts. So, does it balance everything? I don’t know.

I know that in a lot of ways I just have not been there for Charlie emotionally, mentally, even though I have been around physically. I like to think that I have given him a decent foundation through church, my moral beliefs, and my lifestyle. I have tried to balance that with the fact that his father is who he is and that we had many years of upheaval.

I feel encouraged that Charlie can talk to me about most everything, that we have done quite a few cool things. His first concert was the Who and we have since gone to a lot of great concerts together including Eric Clapton and another with Godsmack and Rob Zombie (not just MOM’s music). I have made sure that he gets to go to church camp, both winter and summer, that he goes to Annual Meeting, and that he has been able to get to the men’s retreat where he got to go rock climbing and white water rafting. So, he is not lacking in things he has done. Just that they are all here and usually church related. “Not that there is anything wrong with that…” But you know… I still feel like I have not provided him with enough… enough culture, enough excitement, enough “stuff.”

But, that may just be my hang up and not something that I should worry about? What-EVER!!

In Jesus Loving Arms…