Monday, October 31, 2005
Then when I did happen to finally roll out of bed I had one of the worst headaches ever. It felt like someone had jammed an ice-pick thru my skull and was wiggling it around, and around, and around. I did get into the shower and out, very gingerly, got dressed and made my way downstairs.
I knew there was no way I was going to be able to stitch with this head splitting ache, so ate a bowl of cereal (Franken-Berry!!!), and turned on the classic rock station. Then of all things I decided to shred some papers that had been piling up for about 10 months! It did not make the headache worse, and certainly did not improve it either.
I did that until about 3pm, then decided to do a load of laundry and went back upstairs. I got the laundry started at least, then decided to lay down after taking a couple more Tylenol…. Well, I slept until almost 7pm, and when I woke up was feeling a little better, so went over to my dad’s and was talked into going to KFC and Wal-Mart with him.
Sunday I felt a lot better and was able to go to church and function at a normal level. I even went home and cleaned out all the old food in the huge freezer. I had almost empty containers of ice cream (5 of them), plus an empty plastic gallon bucket of ice cream (why?), and assorted breads, fruits, nuts, and meat.. all freezer burned. I have about a layer of 3 inches of ice on all racks. Some time soon I will need to take the freezer outside and defrost it.
I went to Dad’s for dinner on Saturday – he had also been cleaning out his freezer and had a turkey to cook... so we had a preview of Thanksgiving. We watched the movie SNATCH also. It was a nice family dinner/afternoon gathering. My brother and his lady were there also.
Charlie has been with his father since Thursday evening. Beginning on Friday this week Sonny will be a resident of Placer County Jail for a few weeks for probation violation so they are trying to spend a lot of time together. I get to pick him up from his Grandma’s house this evening.
Otherwise it was a pretty good weekend!!! Got a little work done around the house: stuff thrown out of freezer, laundry (actually did finish all of it), and paper shredded; and had good family time with Dad and Bro on Sunday.
In His Loving Arms,
Friday, October 28, 2005
Ok, first things first.. the gas smell is because when my brother was putting in the new spark plugs he or I must have bumped against a wire or something because the leak was being caused by a loose hose that connected the gas tank to the engine.. been fixed already!! yeah, nice and simple and only $183+ to find out!! whoo hoo....
But, also needed are many other repairs, some I knew about and others that I didn't.
- Transmission flush - not just new tranny fluid, but they want to flush the system because it (the fluid) instead of being the pretty red color it should be is currently the color of sludge. Knew something was needed for the tranny because kinda sluggish on right turns and I was just praying I wouldn't need a whole new one.
- Brakes, pads and front rotor -- knew about brakes, they are metal to metal, and starting to squeal like a stuck pig. I have someone already lined up to do the brake job!! Cheep-Cheep! A guy at work and his cousin can do the job during his lunch hour, so I don't have to take it anywhere!! Cheap, under the table labor is wonderful sometimes. Sorry all you legit mechanics, but have to go this way!
- Tires - pretty obvious, but can't really afford the benji's for that quite yet, need the brakes more than the tires right now.
- Valve cover gasket - ?? huh what's that?
- Fuel filter - $23 for the filter (at the shop, prob half that at pep boys) and $45 labor!, nah, can have someone else do that too, if I ask around might find someone at work -- maybe the brake guy??
- Distribution wires -- totally forgot about changing them when I did the spark plugs! DOH! Can do those myself even, I do know how to do that, or at least think so, but if not can have my bro do it, as long as he does not knock the gas line loose again!!
- Oil Change - the said I needed it changed and oil filter too... however I just changed the oil, but then the guy amended his comment, says oil is low, and explained to me how I need to check it, especially after changing it to make sure there is enough in there.... I didn't tell him that I have already chkd it and it is clearly in the hash-mark area between the words ADD and FULL... I am not that stupid... well I am but do actually check the oil once in a while, not as often as suppose to be often enough!
I have agreed for them to do the tranny flush, because that is something that I certainly can't do myself and I know that I can't afford to have the tranny go out on my car at any time in the near or far future.
I am trying really hard to be a responsible adult. It is really hard to do when it comes to cars. I am one of those people who does not really want to know how to do anything on the car myself. Filling the gas tank, checking the radiator, oil, brake fluids, that is about the extent of my expertise. OH, also check the tires to make sure they are at the right PSI, and for any nails etc. that may cause my sorry ass to be parked along side the freeway, waiting for some nice person to realize I need help. (no cell phone!)
I know the process for changing the air filter, and the oil/oil filter, but I don't want to have to do it myself and get my hands dirty. OCD about dirt and germs you know.... But, I can do them if I need to, I just don't want to. Anything else beyond that and I am in trouble...
Well, today will end up costing me about $325.00 or so, plus a vacation day. But, I know that in the long run it will save me big BUCKS.... and the diagnostic being done on my car is worth the money if I listen to the results and get the car fixed soon.
Now, I just need to play the lottery, because if I don't play I can't win!!! and I need to be shouting SHOW ME THE MONEY right about now!!
Love and Peace y'all...Poor Purple Hydrangea is...
In His Loving Arms
It is a good thing too, because after I dropped him off and arranged to have the day off, I had to take my car to the shop. My brother and I did an oil change, air filter change and tune up a couple weeks or so ago, and since then I have been smelling gasoline every time I come to a stop. The fumes are getting worse.
It sucks royally to have to take the car in. I really have never had to do that because my soon-to-be-ex (stbx) works on cars for a living (when working anyways) and has always been my mechanic. On days like right now, when I need something done which he usually did, I really start to think "maybe thats why I stayed with him for so long"... so I would not have to pay a mechanic an outrageous sum of money to just diagnose what might be the trouble with my car.
So, there are two shops right by work and I went to the one that a few people have told me that they go to. Just for them to diagnose the trbl will cost me $138, and some change. That is not for fixing the darn thing. I am getting nervous just thinking about how much it will actually cost to fix it. Plus I do not trust mechanics, but... sigh.
I asked Sonny (the stbx) to look under the door and let me know what would be causing me to get the fumes. At the time he sort of glanced at the engine, and said "yeah, this type of thing will cause the engine to catch fire" then walked away. Nice.
So, then he later told my son that when the car caught on fire to run away from it as fast as he can, but to go in the direction of the rear of the car, rather than the front. Nice again.
I filled up my gas tank yesterday, and am getting at least 50+ miles less per tank than before. So while the gas was pumping I asked Charlie if he knew any mechanics around that I could ask about the trbl I am having with the car and he said "joe".. Sonny's best friend.... so that won't work.
The last time that I saw Joe he had just called me the C-NT word, not to my face but to my son on the phone, while I was on the phone too... and I went-off on him. Besides I would never have him look at my car because Sonny always said that Joe talks big but would not know how to fix a car correctly anyways.
It's kind of funny too, because just last week Sonny had me take Charlie to the hospital emergency room because Charlie was complaining about being dizzy. Actually I was just the chauffer and payer of the hospital co-payment. Sonny handled everything while we were there, going to talk with the Dr's with Charlie during the exam, etc. He sat in the backseat to and from town and commented on the fumes, and had his window cracked a bit to let in some fresh air. He knows how bad it is, yet still not offering to fix it.
I have talked to a couple of girl-friends and they are shocked. "And, like, you are driving around with HIS SON in the car, does he not care if something happens???" YEP folks, it is like that. It is funny, I do not hate him, I pity him, I pity myself, I pity our son mostly for having to deal with his f*ck'd up parents/family... But, Sonny hates me because I turned my back on him after he was arrested. He feels that I think I am Ms. Perfect, and does not seem to want to understand that I have stood by him for 20 years. I have been there for him during his addictions: pot, speed, alcohol. I have been there supporting him during the years he did not work because of the addictions. I have supported him being at home raising Charlie for years while I worked to support our family. Yet, I am selfish during HIS time of need. After he F*CK'd up royally. I AM THE SELFISH ONE!!... Yet, I still tend to let people know that he is a good father to Charlie. And, he is a good father as mis-guided as his life has been, he loves his son with all his heart.
But, he still will not offer to fix my damn car himself!!
That's why I pray. I pray for him to come to terms with his life, and the choices he has made. I pray for Charlie to choose a life on a path that has been sown with Good Seeds: faith, love, compassion, trust. I pray for myself, to be honest with myself, to live with compassion that is hard to find sometimes, to have patience and faith that things turn out ok.
That's why I remain forever IN HIS LOVING ARMS....
Peace be with us all in this time before the Holidays. They can be turbulent times.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
So, my "week off" was actually needed. Every year around this time I get hit with a horrible allergy/sinus/flu type thing. It is because I live in the middle of rice paddies -- not in China, "right here in River City" ... It is harvest and there is rice dust in the air, along with dirt and smoke from the few remaining fields that are allowed to burn the rice stubble. It about kills be and when it hits I think longingly of living somewhere else.. but know that I probably never will move out of the area unless forced to.
My brother, who suffers as well, commented that my allergies were the worse he has ever seen them.. and we have only been "friends" for the past couple years so he has missed out on some good attacks. He is right tho because this was horrible.
I use to suffer from asthma also, so when I get this twice a year bug-thingy (did I mention I get the same thing in spring during planting season ???) I worry about the asthma returning and getting a respiratory infection along with it. The last time I had a serious asthma attach I was put into the hospital for a week, breathing treatments every time I fell asleep, xrays, the whole nine yards...
So, I self-medicated -- with a lot of sleep, a lot of sitting and stitching, and lots of V-8, both tomato and fruit varieties... plus my trusty friend AFRIN nose spray.. a box of Kleenex anti-viral tissues.. video games... and did I mention a lot of sleep????
But I am better now, at least for today, YEAH!! Not complete total health, don't think that will ever happen, but better than last week.
and forever In His Loving Arms!
Friday, October 07, 2005
We spent a lot of time together in the 3 years we hung out, she lived just a few houses away. We walked to and from school, actually ran home from school most days to watch General Hospital. Those were the days that Luke and Laura were just starting out!... I remember one of her brothers was a huge KISS fan. Her parents are Greek imports to the U.S. and their home always was warm and cozy and friendly, so unlike mine.
We were out of touch and still basically are. We live on opposite sides of ... not the country.. but of Sacramento; we haven't seen each other for 20 years. I am sorry but I can't remember if I saw/talked to her at our 5 year H.S. reunion or not. It was a blur, I had a few drinks before getting the courage to walk into the room, then hung out with my then fiance and left early.
We reconnected thru our H.S. web-site, and have been exchanging email fun stuff for the past few years, but you know what??? I still think of her as a very dear friend and apparently the feeling is mutual.
Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
- I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
- No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
- Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
- A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
- The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
- Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
- To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
- Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
- Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
- Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
- There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
- Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
- Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON. True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends? Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!
What a great list!! Feel free to share it and pass along to some of your friends - fair weather or fleeting.. they touched your life long enough for you to call them FRIEND.
Monday, October 03, 2005
I decided that sitting in the house was not productive enough so went over to visit with my dad. As I was pulling into his driveway he was backing out of the garage, getting ready to go to his sisters house for a little while. I went inside and watched Audioslave on the direct tv FreeView. COOL. I love Audioslave, but Chris Cornell seems to be very unemotional. That was odd because I think he sings with a lot of emotion.
My dad got home but said that he was going to be going back over to his sisters for dinner, so I visited with him (sort of) for about an hour til he was getting ready to go. I went back home and from 430 until about midnight I sat in my chair and stitched, and listened to the rock station. Very productive time for me. I got a lot done.
Sunday morning I woke up early (for me on Sunday) at 7 and was ready to go when my friend arrived to pick me up for the Juvinile Diabeties walk. We got there around 830 and the walk started around 9, we were home by 1130. We got really lucky with the weather, because they were predicting rain and it didn't, but was nicely cool with some cloud cover.
The walk itself was pretty uneventful, but we happened to walk by the Sacramento Convention Center, and there were people outside protesting. These people were holding signs that read "Homosexuality is a Sin" and "God Hates Homosexuals" ... argh....
I told my friend "I am going to keep my mouth shut so that I don't get into trouble." She said "I am going to tell them that I am a Christian and that I am offended" by them and what they were doing. Well, neither of us did what we said we were going to do. When we got to the corner a man was standing there holding a Bible and saying "What does the Bible say about Homosexuality...." So, I said "It says that Christ loves EVERYONE!" and just walked on, and threw over my shoulder "And we love YOU."
It just makes me mad that these "Christians" are deciding for me what I believe. I obviously do not agree with what they were saying. I do not believe that we on Earth are to judge others, but that is for God to do, and GOD only can be the judge. I hate the small-minded, bigotted ways of people like the one on the corner. I do respect his right to stand there and express his views, but I wish that he would understand that I am a Christian and I do not agree with his views, and that is ok too.
In His Loving Arms,