2 Weeks

2 Weeks since the start of my new eating habits.
I have lost a total, as of this morning... drum roll please... 13 lbs.
I have gone from 255 to 242.
My goal is 200.
I have done the math and I am at the 24% mark.

I even ate out at Spaghetti Factory on Friday, and did not have any bread. I had soup and Caesar salad with chicken. In the minestrone they put some potato and macaroni. I picked all those out. I did eat the few croutons from the salad.

Yesterday before church, Charlie and I went to Denny's. All their breakfast items include hash browns and pancakes. I got an omelet and had them leave both starches off my plate. I loaded the omelet with ham, bacon, and sausage. Not the most lean omelet but very high in protein. I even ate the eggs that Charlie picked off his Moons Over My Hammy sandwich.

I now have to add exercise which of course is the hardest of all. But, I figure, I have gone this far eating properly, I think I can add at least 2 days a week of exercise to start, then build up.

On nice Sunday's I will walk after church. If it is rainy I will have to find something else to do. I bought a bunch of work out DVD's when I moved into the apartment over a year ago, so maybe I will break those out. Or, maybe talk Charlie into going to the apartment gym once in a while. He went last night after doing his laundry, and spent about 20 minutes. I am going to try working my way up, starting slow, because I know if I try to go gung-ho I will burn out quicker.

In His Loving Arms

the I have not's and the I have's

I have been feeling really good about losing the 11 lbs in the first week of my “not a diet but a change in eating habits” thing. Everyone keeps reminding me that “it is probably just water weight” or something along that line. I know that the weight loss will not be that way every week, and probably not even close to it, and was reminded of that when I stepped on the scale this morning to see it a couple pounds more than it was on Monday morning!

I think the biggest thing for me is changing my eating habits. I mean, yeah I could stand to lose the weight, and I think I will do so, but in order to do that I HAVE TO CHANGE. I have to change how I think about food. I have to change how much I eat. I have to change what I eat. I have to change where I eat. NOW, WHO MOVED MY DAMN CHEESE!?!

Oh, yeah I can’t have cheese. At least not like I would like to. I did have some on my salad on Sunday, some yummy blue cheese…. yyyyuuuummm... *thinking of cheese* ... Ok, snap back to reality now.

CHANGE IS HARD. Gee, am I or not the first person to say so?? NOT. Ok, so it has been a week and a half. The positives other than the bit of poundage off my frame are these:

1. I have not had Chinese food, not even at church where I may have been “forgiven?!?”
2. I have not had PIZZA… mmmm cheese again.
3. I have not had Mexican food, that’s even been hard because I love going to Cilantro’s downtown and having a tostada with carnitas.
4. I have not had any candy. When I feel like breaking down and breaking open the bag of Kisses in the cabinet, I have settled for sugar-free gum. I even have it sitting just on the counter in the kitchen, right under that blasted cabinet with the Kisses.
5. I have not had any sugar, neither in my tea nor coffee. I have been sweetening my tea with Splenda, and my coffee with either Splenda or sugar-free flavored syrup.
6. I have not had any bread, tortillas, pasta, rice, or potatoes of any kind.
7. I have not had dairy (which I am allergic to by the way) meaning no ICE CREAM, no cream in my coffee, no yogurt, no cheese (other than the aforementioned).
8. I have had no cookies, crackers or chips.
   
   And also these other positives:
   
   
9. I have reintroduced myself to vegetables, with little or no butter/mayonnaise/dressing added.
10. I have started cooking at home. I was previously eating out at least 3-4 times a week. More if you count breakfast from the roach-coach each morning.
11. I have started eating fruit again. It is actually quite tasty. Blueberries frozen and straight from the bag, these are awesome, even if it turns my teeth purple.
12. I have learned that frozen pineapple and its juice is even better than just from the can.
13. I have been CLEANING my kitchen, learning that if I have to cook, then it has to be clean, or at least the dishes do.
14. I have started an avocado plant with a pit from one of my yummy avocados.
15. My son now knows that I can cook eggs, scrambled, that taste good.

Wow, I think this is a very impressive list.

*Patting myself on the back.*

Remaining in HIS loving arms…

Weekend Over

I made it thru the weekend, stuck to my diet. I went shopping for more fruits and veggies, even ate out and stuck to it! I walked quite a few blocks downtown after church yesterday, went to a new yarn shop. Looked at the fountain in front of the state capitol building, saw a guy who brought his 3 bunny rabbits to the capitol park to nibble on grass. It was a very nice Sunday!

I avoided the Chinese food that was served at church during fellowship hour.

My lunch was at the Hard Rock Sacramento, and I had a Citrus Grilled Chicken Salad, very yummy!

The scale this morning shows a total of 11 lbs less than it did last week at the same time!!!!

Needless to say: I am very happy with my progress.

WILL-POWER, WILL-POWER, WILL-POWER.

I have to stick to it

IN HIS LOVING ARMS

Diet Day 5...

OK… I have made it this far. Now the really tough part – THE WEEKEND. I am really going to have to be strong to make it thru the weekend. A lot of time on my hands, time to think and eat.

I have to admit: I have not exercised at all this week, in place of exercise I have gone to sleep to avoid eating, no change there! But, I avoided the chocolate and Chinese and Pizza for 5 whole days!

Total weight loss in the 5 days is 8 pounds though, so that gives me incentive to stick with it…. I hope! I am going to try to talk myself into walking when I feel like eating, just to get out of the house, and I have to get active anyways so that will be a start. It is a lot easier going back to bed and sleeping, rather than going outside and walking, no matter how beautiful the day may be.

I have a couple of brag moment to talk about. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I didn’t eat any of the candy that came across my desk. I kept it, but put it in the drawer for a later time, maybe when I lose some more weight. Or will end up throwing it away or giving to someone else.

The other thing that happened yesterday is that one of the supervisors brought in Valentine’s Day cookies. The really rich yummy ones from the store. Towards the end of the day someone walked around from person to person handing them out and I reached in and grabbed one, without even thinking. They smelled soooooo gooooood. There the cookie was, in my hand, and starting towards my face, when I remembered. I said outloud “OH, CRAP… what am I doing? I can’t have this.” Then I got rid of it quickly to another associate who was passing by.

I treated myself last night to half a cup of International Flavored Coffee, and I only put 2 small scoops in the cup, instead of the normal 4-5 heaping scoops.

I am feeling really proud that I have gone the 5 days. A co-worker said she can tell that I have lost some weight. Another added benefit, my skin breakouts are a lot less this week.

The song “Onward Christian Soldier” just popped in my head, as I was thinking about having will power for over the weekend.

Dieting...

I started a new diet on Monday. I have only tried real, planned, diets a couple of times before, because I do not like to plan things out. Traditionally, I have just tried to eat less, or eat out less, or exercise more … but nothing really thought out.

I got the diet from Health magazine and it seems pretty easy to follow, so far. The diet claims that you NEVER feel hungry. It suggests not eating dairy, grain or soy products, or eating very limited amounts. I am suppose to have at least 10 ounces of water with each meal.

I have to admit I am craving ice cream and candy. It is hard to not miss my favorite foods: Chinese and Pizza. Actually I have eaten more food in the past 2 days than I usually eat in one day, it is just very different type of food, and it is through out the day.

This diet is heavy on fruits and vegetables, with protein at every meal too.

I am feeling a little cranky and hungry, even though I am not really hungry. I believe it is just sugar withdrawals. I really wanted to eat some candy last night, I have bags of Kisses in the kitchen, but I had some will power and didn’t. Instead I fixed myself a cup of mint tea and used Splenda in it for the sweetness.

This is what my diet has looked like so far:

Monday breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, ½ cup blueberries, 1 banana
Monday break: 1 large orange
Monday lunch: lettuce wraps with turkey breast (abt 3 oz), ½ avocado, 1 roma tomatoe, mustard
Monday afternoon break: 1 apple with 2 tablespoons natural peanut butter
Monday dinner: 4oz of steak, pan seared with Hoisin sauce, cooked in olive and sesame oil, 1 cup brussel sprouts
Monday evening snack: 1 cup of grapes

Tuesday (I didn’t go to work and slept til almost noon): 2 scrambled eggs, 2 lean turkey sausage patties, ½ avocado, 1 roma tomato, salsa and a smidge of sour cream
Tuesday dinner: leftovers: steak and brussel sprouts
Tuesday evening snack: grapes and 2 tablespoons peanut butter

Wednesday breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, 1 cup blueberries, ½ cup peaches
Wednesday break: orange
Wednesday lunch: 4 oz tuna fish, with 1 hard boiled egg, 2 tomatos, 3 celery stalks
Wednesday afternoon break: ½ cup baby carrots, 2 tablespoons peanut butter

I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner yet, probably chicken salad.

The diet also comes with a 20-25 minute workout, which I have not brought myself to do yet. But think I may start that this afternoon, as well as going to the gym at the apartment to do some treadmill or elliptical machine for a little bit. I am going to start slow on the exercise, because I really HATE it.

Slip Sliding, Again...

I am on a slippery slope, on the downhill side of it, depression-wise anyways.

Currently, I am at work. I like my job. I like when I have people around me that I can talk with. I don’t like it when they all leave and I am here alone, hearing the conversations of everyone around me. What I really hate is having a supervisor who rarely, rarely, acknowledges me, but seems to talk with everyone else.

There are days that I go without even talking with her. Certainly days when if I do not purposely go and speak with her that I would otherwise not talk with her, or really know that she was here… except that I can hear her voice over all the others.

It really, really bothers me when she sends out a commendation for another associate. It does not bother me that others are noticed for their good work, and when a customer goes out of his/her way to praise someone who helps them they should be singled out and given a “good job” pat on the head.

It bothers me because on two occasions that I know of I have had customers give me a commendation, yet I have received no “good job” pat on the head. This pat usually comes in the form of an email to the entire work group and/or a paper certificate that can be proudly displayed.
I have received neither for these two calls that I busted my hump over.

I am not one to ask the customer to praise me like some of my co-workers. I usually say “thanks, glad I could help” and then that is the end of the conversation. I know others say “thanks, let me get you my supervisor” then transfer the customer or give the supervisors email, etc.

I don’t mean to sound petty, and I know I am. It is not like I have not been acknowledged in other ways at work, but I would like notice to be given to me, based on my customer feedback.

My workplace has awarded me on quite a few occasions for being a hard worker, having pride in my job, handling tough customers, quality of service. It just somehow means more when it is a customer commendation, rather than a supervisor or peer commendation. Well, maybe not more, but it feels different.

It has been noticed by even the center manager that I am excelling at my job; a job that he told me that I was not qualified for, just a little more than 6 months ago.

On another note: my son will turn 18 in June. I am starting to really feel lonely about that, even though he basically does not live with me now. I am starting to feel panic at the thought that he will be “an adult,” he reminded me that he will be able to vote in November for the presidential race. He will have to sign up for the draft. I am worried about his job prospects, school, life beyond high school, money management skills or lack thereof. How is he going to survive out there in the real world; or, is he going to live with mom or dad forever? Or, move out and back in multitudes of times like I have had to do with my dad.

I have been wondering if my dad went through the same feelings that I am feeling. I remember myself at my son’s age and I was so much more mature than he is, but I was still my fathers child, and I am sure he felt some of the things that I feel. Hell, he still feels for me and worries about me. That is a “from the beginning of time” type of bond, parent/child.

Then I am also thinking about “what will happen” … to me when my dad dies and I am left to fend for myself. I have always thought of myself as independent, but I am not. I know that now. If I could just get back one percent of the confidence I had about my life when I was 16, then I would be ok.

In HIS loving arms…