Diet

I have started a diet. I have been overweight for the past 18 years or so, and ache in all my joints. I have tried losing weight in the past and never really have been too motivated, however this time I am. My brother and his lady have been doing the Atkins diet for a couple months, have lost weight, and love it but never really told me much about it. I just saw them not getting to eat some of my favorite foods (pasta, rice, bread, beans, tortillas) and thought that I would be miserable if I was to try that diet. And yuck to all the meat....

My supervisor Kelly then enthused about the Atkins diet and explained to my with gusto the things that help her keep to the diet and why it is ok to eat the way the diet suggests. She made it so positive and explained how I can still eat out and keep to the diet, because she knows that I eat out A LOT.

I started my diet the Thursday before Mother's Day 12 days ago and have been doing really good. My scale at home says that I have even lost 10 lbs!! I am so encouraged by the weight loss that I am going to try to stick to this because I have a lot more lbs that need to come off. When I weighed myself that Thursday evening my scale at home said 252. This morning it showed 243. I just can't believe that I have lost 10 lbs in such a short time, with very little exercise.

Now, I was sick all last week but I still ate a lot of food. I just didn't eat the foods I normally would have like quesadillas and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I ate a lot of tuna salad. I mean -- a lot of tuna salad. I had sometimes two cans of tuna a day. The other food I ate was meatballs. I get the already made, precooked kind from the store and just have to microwave them.

My son even took me out for Mother's Day lunch. We went to the Waffle Barn where I usually get an omelet that comes with country potatoes and a massive biscuit/gravy dish. I usually eat the whole thing! This time I ordered my eggs and asked them to hold the potatoes and biscuit/gravy and bring me cottage cheese instead. I was as full or at least satisfied when I ended my meal. I was most proud of the fact that I did not steal even one of Charlie's french fries. I usually eat 1/4 of them, sneaking them off his plate.

This past Saturday I went with Pastor Danny to a meeting in Oakland. I was a little worried about the lunch that was going to be provided. Eating out is hard but eating out when someone else is providing the fare and no other options looked daunting. I was very happy when they brought out the food and it was sandwich fixings. I ate ham and cheese, no bread, no chips .. some salad with a little Italian dressing.. and there was this wonderful tuna salad. It was made with tuna, cream cheese and chopped olives... Hecka Yummy in my Tummy!!

I also got a lot of exercise on Saturday. Danny and I took the train to Richmond, then BART to Oakland 19th street. The meeting was a few blocks east (?) of 29th street. So, we walked to the church the meeting was at. I figure it was a bit more than a mile. Danny asked before we left if I would like to hitch a ride with someone to the BART station, because he knew that the walk there was a little tough for me (I was sweating profusely and huffing/puffing)... I let him know that I was up to the walk back. Knowing that I have to get the exercise in and that we had a couple hours of train ride ahead of us, it felt good to walk in the sunshine for a while.

Last night was Monday. Dad and I usually go to a restaurant that has $4 Spaghetti Dinner.. comes with salad and a huge roll. I missed going, it is just a nice "tradition" .. but I had a bowl of egg salad and some fajita spiced chicken and was satisfied.

I am determined to do this... Oh, did I mention my work is having a Biggest Loser contest? We have one month before the weigh-in. I want to be the Winner. We all put in $10 and the winner will get the jackpot. There are over 25 people trying for the purse... So, please keep your fingers crossed and pray for me.

In Jesus' Loving Arms

Power Trip Part 2

You know, since I posted the last blog I have been thinking it over a lot. In so many ways I am much like Charlie is... stubborn, hard headed, quick to anger, quick to feel sorry for myself, opinionated.. aren't we all ?? and where do I think he gets it from? where do I get it from? probably from my dad?

Anyways, I was thinking about when I told Charlie to get out of the car, and call his dad to come and get him; that I was having none of the game playing. I pictured myself then as Charlie, and God as me. Thought about God telling me to get out of the car, stop the bs and to call my dad to come and get me (dad of course being GOD!)

I am not talking death or anything, just that sometimes I need my GOD/DAD to help me thru things, to guide me on the right path.. here i look and see i wrote "sometimes" rather than "ALWAYS" .. lol ... I just have a hard time letting GOD/DAD be part of my life -- ALL THE TIME.

I have really been struggling with letting God be a part of my life lately. I have been very tempted to just chuck it all, stop going to church, stop going to bible studies, stop going to regional church events, stop going to bunko, and just letting "the dark side" take over - letting Satan have control sometimes is the easy answer. I know that it is Satan tugging on my hand, whispering in my ear to let go of God, to give into the depression, to give into food/weight issues, to give into bad relationships, to give into a bad life.

I have made a every effort to not let go of God. I force myself to wake up on Sunday determined to go to church and hear God's message for me that day. I force myself to read Bible passages that can help me. I force myself to think positive thoughts. I force myself to take my medication. I force myself to go to functions that involve PEOPLE. I force myself to live each and every day, and it is a stuggle each and every day... but I will not let myself give up.

For this I give thanks to God and to his letting Jesus be my right hand man, and for giving the Holy Spirit to me to be present in my heart and my head.

Praise be to God.

Power Trip

This past weekend my son Charlie and I went to our church regional annual meeting in lovely Pacific Grove. This is a four hour (approx) drive from home with the various pit stops along the way. I am not a good driver, tending to fall asleep on even short drives, so I was not looking forward to the drive in the first place, but with no alternative what is one to do???

SO, with that being said, we were about 1 hr into the drive and just between Vacaville and Fairfield on highway 80... Charlie had been pretty good so far (he is 15) and we were listening to the radio. The Manfred Mann song "Blinded by the Light" came on, and that is one of my favorites, so I turned the radio up louder than it was. While the song music started Charlie said the first few words of the song, then exclaimed "I cant believe I knew that"... I nodded my head indicating that I heard him and keeps singing along.

Char then asked me to turn down the radio because he had something he wanted to say. This is a pattern of ours, a good song is on and he wants to talk. I kept singing, and motioned with my hand a sort of "later" motion. He kept insisting that I turn down the radio... so after a few moments I did turn the radio down and said in an exasperated manner "WHAT???" He got upset and clammed up and didnt say a word other than "nevermind"... well mind you that pissed me off, and HOW!! This is his little power trip, and I immediately got anger. Not just a little anger, but a total rage (not a good thing while driving). I glanced quickly in the rear-view mirror and pulled over to the side of the road, trying to be safe (I have been in an accident before doing this)... and yelling at Charlie to "get the **** out of the car -- NOW" ..
I have had it with this "game" of him wanting to say something and if I don't respond immediately he clams up and then is pissed at me. So, as I said, I was fuming, raging, pissed off, instantaneously. He would not get out of the car and I kept telling him to do so, and told him he can call his Dad on the cell phone and have him come and pick Char up on the side of the road if need be. Charlie still did not move, nor talk. I told him I just don't understand why he wants to say something then doesnt say it. It is not just a little thing with him, it is CONSTANTLY, and I am just fed up. I told him that I wanted this to be a good weekend and that I will have no tolerance for this game and that he needs to figure out right then and there if he will behave. He nodded YES, then I sat there for about 10 mins with the car off, trying to calm down my temper.

We got going again and I had turned the radio off, during which time Char did not talk at all. Not one word. Total Silence... Sigh... so then when we were just past Concord I decided to turn on the radio again. Not more than 5 seconds into the song Charlie started talking. This is what I mean by it being a game to him. He doesnt even realize it. I just had to start laughing.

I still don't understand him, I don't know if I ever will.

I think that is what God may say about me most of the time too... "I just don't understand that Michelle... what is she doing now!?!"

In Jesus' Loving Arms