Yesterday I was Worship Leader at church....

Here are the parts that I got to do:
==========================

Call to Worship:

Leader: In this season, we bear in mind the trials and suffering of Jesus Christ.

People: Lent is a time of reflection; it is a time of tears.

Leader: But out of tears, hope is born anew, and life can be restored.

All: We worship the Lord, giver of life, who comes to us day by day and restores our souls.

Opening Prayer:

Spirit God, May your light guide us in new directions. May your spirit breathe new life into us. May we have strength and energy to understand Your plan for us. We seek to be reborn, restored, and renewed by You, so that we can be used by You to transform the world through your son, Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Scripture:

Today’s scripture can be found in the pew bibles page 492, and large print page 502

Psalm 25: 1-25

I am reading from the New International Version.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.


=============================================

Stewardship Thought:

In Ephesians 4:11-12 it says: Christ chose some of us to be apostles, prophets, missionaries, pastors, and teachers, so that his people would learn to serve and his body would grow strong.

So, has Christ chosen YOU yet? Are you doing what you can to serve God? Here in this building? Here in this community? Here in this world? Do you even know what your gifts are?

Among us I know of singers, musicians, child care providers, greeters, diaconate, elders, storytellers, preachers, teachers and sound board operators. Many of you serve God through nursing, mentoring, knitting and crocheting and sewing layettes, building homes for Habitat, working at museums and libraries, coaching little league or soccer… Any time you help at the food bank, or write a check for Week of Compassion, Heifer International, or the Red Cross … Any time you give blood, send a card to a friend who is feeling low, give a hug or offer your hand; when you listen in love and kindness, even when you hold a door for someone else …. YOU ARE SERVING GOD.

This church is truly blessed with abundance. Many of us share our gifts in more than one way. Wouldn’t life be boring if we held fast to our gifts and didn’t share them with others?

The diaconate will now Serve God and take your offerings.


Offertory Prayer:

God of abundance, you have blessed us not only with the opportunity to give, but with the gifts that we are to bring. Might our gifts we bring this day represent the fullness of our belief in You as our Creator, our Provider, and our Sustainer. Find us faithful in our sharing.

In the name of Jesus, we bring our gifts and seek your blessing. Amen.

authority?

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=3527172

Oscar Party

I was invited to an Oscar Party. Never before has this been! I don't go to the movies very much and yesterday was packed with things for me to do already. I had church and then a meeting from 2:30p to 5:30p. I almost declined the invitation. But.... I don't get invited many places, so could not bear to turn down the invite to have a good time with great friends.

I had a really good time. I have not seen any of the movies that were up for an award. NONE of them. We all had ballots and I filled mine out based on TV commercials and news reports, and gossip.

It was fun to see the dresses and hair, and the suits. We made a lot of comments about the suits and ties the men wore. Almost as much as we commented about HORRIBLE dresses most of the women wore. (a few were ok).

I have to say this though: What the heck is it with Sarah Jessica Parker. I was afraid for her. She could barely breathe without having a MAJOR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION.

YIKES!!!!! I just hope she was not in too much pain peeling off the massive amounts of double sided tape that must have been holding her into that dress.

Again, I had a great time!!!!!

Grace: 10 of 365

1. invite to Oscar Party
2. fun people to watch with
3. taco bar
4. random Oscar trivia
5. Sean Penn winning for MILK

Thought this was appropriate for many people I know!

2PM Now He Walks the Halls in a Long Black Veil

Peon #1: My husband's Xbox died last night.
Peon #2: Oh, how sad. Were they close?

Sacramento, California

via Overheard in the Office, Feb 23, 2009

My Wordle

this site is really cool... it takes words from your blog and puts them into a kewl graphic montage...

http://www.wordle.net/

Freaky!

In reading over my post from yesterday and the rodents... I realized I use the word FREAK a lot!

Grace: 9 of 365

Ok -- I know I have blogged a bunch today. But, it was REALLY slow and boring at work today!

1. D-CON
2. mouse traps
3. rat traps
4. fly swatters
5. ant poison

And I don't want to hear from any of you PET* people! (astrick included so they can't search me out!!)

You try waking up with a mouse in your bed!

City vs. Country, What's a Girl to Do?

I am a city girl, or at least I like to think so. I grew up in Sacramento. Born and Raised. Some might not think I should brag about that, but I am happy here. For a year I lived in Allentown, PA. I was 13-14, it was okay. I was in exile and that is a story for another time.

While growing up in Sacramento I would have the occasional visits to the family farm where my dad was born and raised. I told myself at the time that I would never, ever live in the COUNTRY. There were bugs and dirt, of the kind that I did not want to ever experience on a daily basis. And, they didn’t have REAL heat or air-conditioning… just a wood stove and the nasty swamp coolers. I put up with the country in those small doses, and then went back home to the city.

I lived at the family farm for few months when I was 18 and once awoke to what I thought were muscle spasms in my forearm and when I opened my eyes found a mouse pinned beneath my arm. I screamed, he squeaked, and when I lifted my arm he ran off. I don’t know who was more freaked out, the mouse or me…?


Well, life happens, and God throws a curve-ball! I ended up living in the country for a huge chunk of my life. I have lived other places too… I lived in Laguna Beach, Orange County, from years 19-22. It was ok, but it was not home, so I moved back home. Ended up in Yuba City, which is a city, but very rural.

But the majority of my life I lived in the country…from the time Charlie was about 1 until just very recently 2.5 years ago… so that would be about 16 years.

When we first moved from Yuba City, Charlie was just a little over 1 year. We moved into a single-wide trailer on the farm. This place had a swamp cooler that worked when it felt like it, no heat to speak of because the heating ducts were all torn out under the trailer. The septic backed up when it rained heavily. There were mice running around the place like crazy. We learned to share our living space with the mice. It was not too bad. I had a constant container of D-CON on the stove top, and I would sit in my chair in the living room area and watch the mice come up thru the gas burners and sit, munching on the D-CON. It was ok, because I knew that would be one of their last meals.

I really freaked out the time a POSSUM came thru the front of the under-sink cabinet into the kitchen. Just pushed the door open, and was gonna just make himself at home, until I screamed like a FREAK. I was really freaking out because I heard some banging of the cabinet door before I saw his head poke through. If you have ever seen a possum up-close or from afar even, they are nasty, fierce looking freaks of nature.




I lived at one time in a 23 ft camp trailer with no running water or toilet facilities for about 4 months at one time, hooked up to electric with an extension cord. At that place when we did have to use the toilet we went outside and into an abandoned single wide mobile home, and used the toilet there; that’s also where we used the shower. It was winter, rainy most of the time and really cold. We (all three of us) slept in the same bunk. Not very comfortable, but it was better than in our station wagon on the side of a road somewhere.

Then we rented an abandoned crack house, (seriously), and lived there for a while, trying to fix it up. That was in the country just outside of Sacramento, directly under the Sacramento International Airport flight path. We were a mile from the airport. That was interesting. From there we moved into a 2 bedroom house, with a fenced yard. We lived there for 8 years. It was great. The landlord was decent, the rent was cheap, it was a mile from the family farm. It still had ants and mice and flies. But it was really nice.

Then we bought a house which was a converted barn. Really, it use to be a barn. When we bought it (our first home) it was set up as a duplex, with two studios, one apartment down and one up. It was so small that there was not any realistic way to enclose the stairs, so we spent 3 years going outside and up the stairs to get to the bedrooms. Hey, you work with what you have right!?! The septic for that place really, really could not handle any amount of rain. So for two winters, which were horribly heavy rain years, we could not use the toilets. They would back up and it was nasty. We rented a porta-potty both those winters. You guessed it, we would have to go out in the rain in the middle of the night, go down the outside stairs in the rain, and around the side of the house to a dry spot where the potty was set up. One night the wind blew so hard the potty tipped over. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

My hubby and I split up soon about half way thru the 3 years we owned the house and I was quite happy with selling it and moving on. I moved on by moving back in with dad at the family farm. My life is like a concentric spiral. Do you see the pattern????

I lived with my dad for about 8 months before my car broke down and I moved back to town, finally. Is the circle complete? Will I spend the remaining years of my life in the city? Stay tuned. I am sure I will be answering that question in the years to come.

Oh… I started out writing this because I wanted to talk about something completely different than I ended up with here. Strange how that works out. I wanted to write about how this past Saturday, Charlie and I were standing in my bedroom and Charlie looked out the window and said “Mom, I just saw a big mouse out there.” Yep, there is a RAT living under the slab of concrete which is my patio, in the city. It looks a bit like this:




SIGH. Gotta love it.

Thought This was CUTE!

12PM You Should Write This Stuff Down, Sir
Assistant to boss: I need to leave early today for a dentist's appointment. Would that be okay?
Boss: Sure, is at 2:30?
Assistant: 2:30?? No, it's at 3.
Boss: Well, it should be at 2:30.
Assistant: Why?
Boss (chuckling): Because you're tooth hurty. Get it? Two thirty, tooth hurty.
Assistant: Are you kidding me?

Dallas, Texas
via Overheard in the Office, Feb 18, 2009

My 3's

Now , here's what you're supposed to do...

(Do it when and/or if U havetime)Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send thisto awhole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.U all know what the theory is, the theory is that you will learn littleknown facts about thosewho think they know you. * Don't forget to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

Three jobs I've had in my life:

1. data entry

2. California Relay Operator (for hearing impared)

3. gas station attendant (3 glorious months! between REAL jobs)

Three places I've lived in my life:

1. Allentown, PA

2. Laguna Beach, CA

3. Yuba City, CA

Three Places I've been this week:

1. church

2. DMV

3. KFC

Three people who email me regularly:

1. karen

2. iris

3. sharon

Three of My Favorite Foods:

1. Chinese

2. Pizza

3. Ice Cream

Three of My Favorite Books:

1. Gone with the Wind

2. any Nora Roberts, JD Robb books

3. any Janet Evanovich

Three Places I'd Rather be:

1. cross stitching

2. at and awesome concert (ROCK and ROLL, BABY!)

3. a warm, not HOT, beach .. prefer with a little breeze and someone making me Margarita's!

Three Friends I Think Will Respond:

1. karen

2. jaime

3. jamie

Three Things I am looking forward to:

1. retirement

2. winning the lottery that I don't play!

3. Death

PASS IT ON!!!

Grace: 8 of 365

1. puffy clouds in the sky

2. umbrellas

3. rain (we need it... a lot... )

4. hot chocolate

5. valentine's candy - on sale!

DMV Drama, not so much, but dang the wait is long

I stood in line at DMV yesterday for an hour. This was just to get a number so that I could sit in the lobby for another hour. Then my number was called and I got to go to Window 17, turn in some paperwork, and then go to Window 15 to pick up the tags for my car. 2 hours to turn in paperwork and pick up tags. I took a half day vacation to do this! and it was the third time I have gone thru this process in the past couple of months.

I was talking with a co-worker about this and another butted in saying "You can do almost everything online." This is NOT true, only partially true. If you know 2 months IN ADVANCED then you can do many things online with DMV. However, for things that happened suddenly, like getting a car and having to get title transferred, etc, then you have to go in spur-of-the-moment.

The first time that I had to go in was because I knew I was getting a car and my driver's licence was expired (over a year) and so I had to go in to get it renewed. I stood in line, I sat in the lobby, I went to a window and got a written test, took the test, took my picture and was out of there. 2 hours or so that visit.

The second time was after I got the car. I had to go in and pay the title transfer fees, and stood in line and sat in the lobby, paid $166 and was told that I need to get the car SMOGGED and bring back the paperwork, or I could mail in the paperwork. I was also told I had until Feb. 18 to get it done. No Problem. That was two weeks ago.

I took the car to the SMOG shop and it failed. So then I had to figure how to get it fixed and smogged. I talked with the lady that sold the car to me and we took the car into the shop where she had it serviced. I needed a sensor/computer thingy (or 3 possibly!). The shop did not have any in stock and it may take a few days. So, I waited and got the car back from the shop after 2 days.

Because computer thingy was replaced, the computer memory needed to be reset before I could get it tested at the smog shop again. This, I was told, required me to drive the car at least 100 miles. Not always an easy thing to do during the week, when I have nothing much planned and the worst storm of the season playing out.

I finally hit the 100 mile marker. I let Charlie get a lot of practice driving during the past week! Took the car in and it passed smog. Yippee!!! Now I could take it into DMV and get my title transfer complete and my new tags! But.... it was a holiday weekend AND with the budget in CA sucking the way it does right now (meaning NO BUDGET figured out) and with CA doing work furloughs, DMV is closed on the 1st and 3rd Fridays each month.

So, I stood in line on a Tuesday of a 3 day DMV work week.

Oh, we (Charlie and I) also found out that their behind the wheel tests are booked out over a month already. That would explain why when we DID GO ONLINE to make an appointment for Charlie to take his behind the wheel test -- THERE WERE NO APPOINTMENTS available for the office we need.

We can make an appointment for YUBA CITY or SOUTH SACRAMENTO for March 16 and beyond. Charlie does not know the area for S. Sac and would be hecka nervous driving there. Yuba City, he knows the area, but it is a 100 mile drive round trip... so, we wait.

He needs more practice anyways!

Grace: 7 of 365

1. Windshield wipers

2. the hawk I saw from my bedroom (don't see them often "in town")

3. RAIN! (we need it soooo much)

4. brake lights!

5. naps

Rough Day

I was talking with a friend who also has a child with PDD-NOS under the autism spectrum. We started talking about the frustrations of dealing with homework and school, and what will our child do in life...

Then the conversation progressed to daily living with our child. And the lack of friends that our children have. It makes me so sad. I started to cry and had to go back to my desk where I sobbed for a couple minutes.

Some people just don't understand what it is like to have a special needs child and I HAVE TROUBLE WITH UNDERSTANDING IT TOO. Some days are wonderful and we have a great relationship. Charlie and I can talk about all sorts of things. Then there are those days that are a trainwreck, and we have to go to different locations in the house to calm down.

Every parent wants their child to be happy and productive and it hurts so much to see him unhappy and unproductive, and floundering. Of course I am also unhappy, unproductive and floundering -- and twice his age.

I told my friend that I had really dropped the ball with raising my son, getting him benefits and help that he will need to get him through life. I will be honest. I have trouble getting through my own days sometimes, much less dealing with getting through my son's day.

I hate seeing my son feel crappy. He says "everyone I know blocks me out and shuts me down when I am talking" ... and we do. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it, but still we behave badly. And then we go on... behaving badly.

I guess the first step is knowing, the 2nd is actively working on change...

I remain...

Grace: 6 of 365

1. my new car

2. church lady who sold me the car

3. my friend/pastor

4. cell phones

5. text messaging!

Sometimes this just seems too silly, but while on the surface some things seem almost too stupid to put on my list, they really made a big difference to my life!

Grace: 5 of 365

1. TGIF (not the movie but the sentiment)
2. TGIF's - the restaurant
3. Boneless chicken wings
4. Bleu cheese dressing
5. mouthwash

Water vs Snow

I was watching the local news the other day when they measured the snow pack to see how much trouble we will have with drought. The snow pack was quite low and they are talking about drought measures that may need to be taken... things like watering lawn, not flushing as often, no boating on the lakes.

I had a random thought pop in my mind as they showed the background of the story -- skiers going down the snowy mountain side. I thought to myself "I wonder how much water it takes to make the snow that they are skiing on." Because of the lack of snow so far this season many of the resorts make their own snow. I want to know where they get that water??? Do they drain local reservoirs? Take it out of Lake Tahoe? American River run off?

I would like to see the numbers. How many gallons of water is wasted so that people can ski?

Autism Sunday

This Sunday, February 8, is Autism Sunday.

Please visit this site for more information. It is pretty easy. Just pray for those with Autism, in all its forms. This can be an organized prayer, or individual. It seems more and more people are being diagnosed with Autism. It is likely that you know one or more people already who are Autistic.

Grace: 4 of 365

I am falling a little behind here.

Still sick, but it seems to be getting better, except for the stuffy head.

1. after prodding I must add Orange Juice to my list...
2. electric blankets
3. my kitty cat
4. weather that is so nice I can open the window and let the apartment air out
5. water cystals!

3 of 365

Today is one of those days that I just can't seem to find much "grace" ... my cell phone died and I am getting sick. Yuck.

But I will try:

1. Zicam
2. Tissues with Vicks
3. Hall's sugar free cough drops
4. DayQuil
5. hand sanitizer.

Wow I came up with 3, even if they are all Yuck related!

Grace: 2 of 365

1. libraries
2. computers at libraries
3. I can drive to Trader Joe's
4. veggies in microwave pouches!!!
5. hair dye

Loving Arms Seal

From another blog I found an OFFICIAL SEAL GENERATOR, and created a seal with my ending motto... I think it is cool.

Grace: 1 of 365

I heard of this idea of a grace journal from one of the blogs that I frequent, Oh, the Joys who in turn got it from Schmutzie, where it originated. Think it is a wonderful idea because I am oftentimes filled with bitterness, and sometimes it is hard to see the wonder and grace in my life.

So, here goes for today:

1. meeting up with old friends on facebook, some I have not seen/talked with for 18+ years;
2. I was able to use my car and go thru the drive thru for breakfast;
3. I look at the picture posted at my desk and see a smiling President and Mrs. Obama, and know there is hope.
4. Coffee, 'nuff said.
5. Clean drinking water.

In His Loving Arms

No More Bus Riding

If you watch "Two and a Half Men" you may recall the episode where Judith tells Alan that she is getting married. He closes the door and Charlie counts down "5, 6, 7, 8..." and Alan does the happy dance and sings "NO MORE ALIMONY. NO MORE ALIMONY."

That is the way I feel right now.

Two weeks ago a lady at church asked me if there was any reason I didn't have a car and I explained things to her. She told me she was going to be getting a new car and if I wanted to I could buy her old car. I told her I would think about it. That Thursday she told me that she had indeed got a new car already and had I thought about it? and if so what was my answer?

We talked details and I agreed to buy her car.

Because of the MLK Jr weekend and DMV being closed on Friday as well as Monday I was unable to do anything over the weekend. But, this week I have been busy.

Tuesday I took off work early and sat at DMV and got my licence renewed. It has been expired since Dec 2007 (I didn't know it until Oct 2008!!!). I only missed 1 question on the written test, passed the eye "EXAM" (what a joke), took a WONDERFUL (YEAH RIGHT!) picture, and got my temporary licence.

Yesterday I went online and started the process of getting insured, both for me and Charlie on the policy. I had to call and get the VIN from the owner today. I made my first insurance payment and printed out my temporary insurance ID cards.

I am both nervous and excited!!! Oh, and tomorrow I get to drive up the hill and take Charlie to Young Adult retreat, and he wants to drive part of the way (of course).

In His Loving Arms...

Depression Medication

I just wanted to state that I have weened myself off my depression meds. I know they tell you not to stop without consulting your therapist... but Kaiser is a joke, both at scheduling and seeing and managing depression. I was tired of taking all the med, so started slowing backing off. I stopped taking the wellbutrin a few months ago, it does not have any adverse side-effects that I notices. The effexor is more complex.

I would alway know when I stopped taking effexor because of a "zapping" in my brain. I liken them to electric fence shock. Sometimes they would be quite powerful and disturbing. SO, knowing this, I cut back from 3 tablets a day, to 2, to 1, then tried going every other day but that didn't really work. So I actually cut from 1 to 1/2 tablet, then down to 1/4 tablet. Now I am off all my meds EXCEPT for my allergy medication.

Claritin and sudafed are my forever friends!

It has been since Jan 1 since I have had any anti-depressants and has been going well. Just one day of self-pity, otherwise I am doing great.

In His Loving Arms...

Church Frustrations

I just have to write a note about my former church. I moved away just as trouble was brewing. There was a fall out over a few different issues regarding our denomination and our region and it has torn the church apart.

They had a meeting last week and have decided to split from our denomination and continue on; but as what???

My dad is board chair and this has torn him to pieces. He went to this church with his grandmother as a boy. It is HIS church. He does not want to have to go to another church, but with the church splitting apart he does not know what to do. I have tried to talk him into coming to the church that I go to, but it would be over 30 minutes drive to and from, and it would not be HIS church. He loves his church, but he does not love what it has become. It is toxic.

At the meeting he advised those members who were there that he would be board chair until the end of January. He reminded them that they need to fill positions in the church: elders, diaconate, board chair, vice chair, etc. No one offered to step up and fill those positions.

The church now needs a new constitution, bylaws, mission statement. It has NOTHING, except a bunch of unhappy members, on both sides of the fence. The thing that gets me is that no one wants to DO ANYTHING. It has been like pulling teeth over there for years. The same 5 people do EVERYTHING. No one else will do mission work, outreach, teach, preach, bulletins, go to regional functions. But, they certainly want things to be their way or the highway.

I feel sorry for those people who were active in years past. Those who support the denomination and region in their views. Those who have benefited by the church at large. Those children who went to camp. The women and men who went to retreat and annual meetings. But again it was only a handful of people who did anything OTHER than attend church on Sunday morning. It was difficult to even get them to stay after church for SCHEDULED meetings.

My dad told me that people who were very vocal about the way the church should be were not even there for the day of the vote. There were about 35 people who voted, but some of the main players, both FOR and AGAINST the split WERE NOT THERE.

That makes me mad. If you are in there stirring up shit, then why were you not there to at least VOTE??? WHY??? I just don't understand that logic. It makes me mad to see what it has done to my dad. It makes me mad to see what it has done to my best friend and my former pastor. It makes me mad to think what it has done to the saint's of the church, most who are over 65, and what will they do now? It makes me mad that the "church" (those members who voted FOR the split) basically has told me that they don't want me there. Not in so many words, but in actions. This church has been in our denomination for well over 50 years. No one seems to know if it was affiliated with a denomination before the 1950's. Now it is not. So, where does that leave those members who voted to stay in the denomination?? Where do they go?? This is still THEIR church.

It makes me SAD to think of all the children we have put through summer camp, especially in the past few years, who were looked down upon by the haters of the church. Those children have no one and no where to turn, and their only example of "church" were people who "hate us" (their words)... Granted they did get great examples from our region and they got a good summer camp experience, but their "home church" did not support them.

Where is the Christianity in that??? Where is the love, compassion, attitude of gratitude?? It is not and has not been in that church for the past couple years and that makes me sad.

I can only offer encouragement and prayers that the church members will be able to pull through, that things will work out...

In His Loving Arms...

Animal Odd Couple

This brought tears to my eye. Hope you enjoy.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4696315n

Kablooey

Do you ever have those days or weeks or months when your head feels like it will just explode? Having one right now.

It is compounded by noise and the office is really noisy today. Kablooey.

Last night while at the library, in the computer area, there were three teens who talked the entire time, and not in whispers, even after complaints. Kablooey.

While laying in bed trying to sleep the upstairs neighbor taking shower and walking about (old floors don't help either). Kablooey.

Helicopter flying overhead while waiting for bus last night. Kablooey.

Life in general... Kablooey!!!

Another Post about Riding the Bus

Ok. This is another post about riding the bus. But it is not about ME!

I am writing this at the library, which I got to by taking the bus, but that is the only thing about this that I am actually involved in. I am just an observer... really.

I got off the bus and was standing at the corner waiting to cross the road that heads towards the library. While I was waiting there two teen boys were waiting at the other side of the cross walk, waiting to cross towards me. As we all were standing there waiting another bus, the 23, had to stop at the same light, going the same direction as the boys were.

I saw the boys waving and gesturing to the bus as if saying "HEY! HI! We need to get on this bus... Over there !!!" I don't know if the bus driver saw them, but I did and I am going to assume for arguments' sake that the bus driver DID see the boys.

Well the bus was in the left turn lane, which would get the green light BEFORE the boys would... The light changed, the bus and other cars (two lanes worth) made the turn. The bus pulled up to the bus-stop and on/off loaded passengers.

The boys, as soon as they got the go-ahead, ran, hauled-butt, across the street, even cutting the corner in order to get to the bus. They were RUNNING!!!! Another guy was standing next to me by this time, and we watched them run, and laughed sort of in encouragement.

The driver pulled away.... leaving the boys in the "natural gas" fumes.

I looked in disbelief at the guy crossing the road with me. We both shook our heads. I could NOT believe it. "Oh, man. Damn, that sucks. You know he saw them." We did that little chuckle people do when they can't believe it. And then we parted ways.

I hope Karma kicks the bus driver for that one.

WARNING: TOILET TALK is the subject.

WARNING: TOILET TALK is the subject.

If that GROSSES you out, then don’t read, though I will try to stay as clean as I can.

A few years ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about sounds heard in public bathrooms. He said he trys to be as quiet as possible. I told him “sorry, but… sometimes you can’t be quiet, and after all it IS A BATHROOM” … and bodily functions do happen and they DO make noise.

You sometimes hear people flushing at the appropriate times… this serves a two-fold purpose… both covering the sound and getting rid of the evidence. Some people do the flush, others just let’er rip.

You know what?? It is a bathroom. I would rather hear bathroom noises, more so than the conversation of someone talking loudly on a cell phone, or gossiping about a co-worker. Well to be honest I would rather NOT hear the noises, but once again, it is a public bathroom.

But I am not addressing my real issue of the day. My office has probably 200-300 workers, most of them female. I counted the stalls, there are 9. It is adequate; I have never had to wait in line yet. However, this bathroom has NO vent, and no automated air-freshener attached to the wall. So, some enterprising individual(s) have brought in canned air-freshener… there are more than one can in the space.

I understand that some people can not physically handle the smells of a bathroom, and will vomit/gag as a response and so they need to mask the scents. However, there really is or should be a limit to HOW MUCH freshener needs to be sprayed.

Sometimes I have walked into the bathroom and gagged on the over-abundance of scents (of all kinds). I have allergies so the perfumes cause me to have sneeze attacks, and then head-aches. Not to mention I just really don’t want to breathe in all the chemicals floating around in the air.

Then there are those times when you are actually in the stall and some brainiac walks down the aisle spraying into each of the stalls, in a steady stream, up and back. This lets the fall-out rain down on ALL occupants.

I also love it when there are multiple people in the room, and then someone walks in, notices the scent and glares at all “offenders,” as if saying “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!”

Get real people. I don’t like the smell either but deal with it. There are just somethings in life that we have to deal with, and bathroom smells are definitely one of them. I do wish I could smack the engineer/architect who designed a bathroom without a vent however. They should be a mandatory item.

Remaining in Jesus Loving Arms, even while in the toilet.

Quote...

"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together."

-Vesta Kelly

A new year, but the same old "stuff"

Happy New Year, 2009!

So, another year has come … and gone.

2008 was fairly much like every other year; I am a pretty boring person.

I was talking with my stepmom Joyce on Christmas and she was talking about all the things she did (she travels a LOT). I was trying to remember the last time I went to L.A. and it was soon after I left Southern California. At that time I went to a friend’s funeral. This was BEFORE Charlie was born, and he is 18 now.

The only thing that I do outside of Sacramento is go to Santa Cruz for women’s retreat and to the Monterey Bay area for Annual Meeting. Charlie has not been to “local” attractions, meaning within the state, at all. He has not been to Disneyland, or to Yosemite. We have been through San Francisco, on the way to his winter retreat, but we have never really gone there and done sight seeing things like to Pier 39 or Alcatraz or the Wax Museum. When he was about 7 we went to the Exploratorium, but he was not interested in it and had a horrible time.

I did get him to Great America for his 17th birthday. That was cool. We took the train and had a great day. But, really, other than that we have not done a whole lot. This I feel guilty about. I know that the things that he has done is more than a great percentage of children and adults have done in their lives, but it is less than a lot of people too. I guess the main thing that gets me is that it is less than I was privileged to have done by the time I was his age.

What gets me is that he had to sit there at Christmas also, and listen to Grandma Joyce talk about all the cool things she does and places that she goes. I don’t know how he feels about it, but it makes me feel crappy.

I can complain all I want about Joyce and how we didn’t get along, but for the few years she and Dad were married, she did expose me to a lot of things: skiing, trip to Ashland Oregon Shakespeare festival, train trip to Colorado, piano lessons (that I hated). Of course we also had a violent relationship, which included a lot of yelling and hitting on both of our parts. So, does it balance everything? I don’t know.

I know that in a lot of ways I just have not been there for Charlie emotionally, mentally, even though I have been around physically. I like to think that I have given him a decent foundation through church, my moral beliefs, and my lifestyle. I have tried to balance that with the fact that his father is who he is and that we had many years of upheaval.

I feel encouraged that Charlie can talk to me about most everything, that we have done quite a few cool things. His first concert was the Who and we have since gone to a lot of great concerts together including Eric Clapton and another with Godsmack and Rob Zombie (not just MOM’s music). I have made sure that he gets to go to church camp, both winter and summer, that he goes to Annual Meeting, and that he has been able to get to the men’s retreat where he got to go rock climbing and white water rafting. So, he is not lacking in things he has done. Just that they are all here and usually church related. “Not that there is anything wrong with that…” But you know… I still feel like I have not provided him with enough… enough culture, enough excitement, enough “stuff.”

But, that may just be my hang up and not something that I should worry about? What-EVER!!

In Jesus Loving Arms…

One Word, Survey Says!

TYPE ONLY 1 WORD... IT'S HARDER THAN YOU THINK!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? JULES!
3. Your job? steady
4. Shoes you're wearing? comfy
5. Your father? alive!
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? dunno
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? security
10. The room you're in? cold
11. Your fear? pain
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? employed
13. Where were you last night? chair
14. What you're not? happy
15. Muffins? yumm
16. One of your wish list items? happy
17. Where did you grow up? sacramento
18. The last thing you did? this
19. What are you wearing? clothing
20. Your TV? occassionally
21. Your pet? JULES!
22. Your computer? dead
23. Your life? stressed
24. Your mood? depressed
25. Missing someone? yep
26. Your car? nonexistent
27. Something you're not wearing? make-up
28. Favorite Store? michaels
29. Your summer? hot-hot-hot
30. Your favorite color? green
31. Last time you laughed? yesterday
32. Last time you cried? yesterday
33. Who will/would re-post this? unknown

34. FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER: AGAIN TYPE ONLY ONE WORD:
A) Panera!
B) Michaels!
C) bed
D) fridge

35. FOUR PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME:

A) Sharon
B) Melodie
C) Jamie
D) Nexflix!

36. FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:

A) Chinese
B) Pizza
C) Panera
D) mexican

37. FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW?

A) home
B) bed
C) retreat
D) Disneyland

"People on the bus go blah blah blah, blah blah blah"

I am getting very tired of riding the bus. It is not the bus ride, nor the amount of time it takes to get from point A to point B.

I am having trouble dealing with the people who are:
a) inconsiderate,
b) rude,
c) vile,
d) obnoxious,
e) smelly,
f) drunk,
g) loud,
.....and/or.....
h) all of the above.



Yesterday I got a contact high from the youngsters at the back of the bus. I got to hear about the friend of the wife of one man, who is institutionalized because of her psychotic behavior. I got to hear EMINEM blasting from a young man's ear-drum busting headphones. And I can handle EMINEM, I just feel there is a time and place for everything and on a busy bus is not that time/place.


But, on Saturday was the SMILING, racist bigot. This woman was smiling as she spouted her hatred to everyone on the bus, peppering her dialogue with "Biblical" quotes. I quoted the word Biblical because they were clearly her own interpretation of the Bible.


When I first got on the bus I went to the first available seat, which happened to be just behind this woman. She was turned in her seat and talking to a man across the aisle. I thought they may be friends. She was asking him about the ring that he was wearing and he told her that his girlfriend bought it for him for Christmas. She said it was a beautiful thing, and told him that in the Bible the women are always the one who bought jewels for their men, so it was nice to see that tradition continuing.

Then this Asian woman got up and went to the back doors of the bus, getting ready to get off at the next stop. The racist started commenting on "oh that's a nice coat you have on honey, so glad that we could buy that for you.. what happened to the car that we gave you dear? oh.. well, sayonara dear, yeah bye bye"...

The Asian woman turned around like "are you talking to me".... confused look on her face, she looked at me and I just shook my head like "let it go, she is CRAZY" ... then she got off the bus.

The racist woman turned and was talking to no one in particular "yeah we let them come into this country with amnesty... they are rapists, killers, sodomites, adulterers... we let them in and expunge their records, give them everything and we let them go on do commit more rapes, more murders... take our jobs and our money.... "

Everyone was silent. Even me. I had a hard time not saying any thing but didn't want to feed into her ranting. The strange thing is that while she was spouting all this vileness she was smiling the whole time. She glanced around to see if she was getting any reactions and her eyes met mine. I just stared into her eyes, mine were silently daring her to say something directly to me.

I was getting off the bus at the next exit anyways. I was waiting for the barbs to come my way but she was silent as I exited. I guess I am white enough for her. I want to think that the woman has a mental issue, rather than just being naturally horrid on purpose.

Because we are all
In Jesus Loving Arms...

Keeping it Real Christmas

I am trying to “keep it real” this Christmas. I mean: I am trying to limit myself and keep to a budget. I don’t use credit cards anymore. I am trying to buy gifts only for my immediate family. My dad, Charlie, my brother and his girlfriend, and my step-mom; these are the people shopped for (online to boot). I bought all but my step-mom the same thing. Electric throws. From Wal-Mart. Delivered with their “site to store” option and I just picked them up.

These are a necessity for my dad, brother and girlfriend… as they live in the country where the fog sets in, their homes don’t heat properly, and it costs way too much to heat even if it did. So these are actually GOOD gifts that I hope will get put to use.

Of course I thought the same thing about the electric teapot that I bought for Dad last year, only to find he never uses it. He likes using the old copper teapot on the stove top.

Oh well, can’t win them all.

For Charlie I am buying a couple of other things. One “gift” was registration costs for the Winter Young Adult retreat that he wants to go to. That’s a little more than $100. I also got him a couple other things that I am not listing as he may actually read this. He knows about the items that I have listed.

I actually went to the store yesterday to try and find something, anything, so that I could give more to Charlie.

I don’t know what to get my step-mom. She is in her 70’s and has “everything” she could want or need. So, her gifts are a little standard. Someone at work was selling homemade soap, so go her that. I am going to go thru my stash of handmade crochet items to see if there is anything in there that she may like.

My trouble is that I WANT TO BUY MORE. More, more, more. The advertising says “buy this” … “buy that” …

I want to buy something for my pastor, my choir director, the church accompanist, my supervisor, my former supervisors, and friends at work. I have given or will be giving small handmade items to some of them, but I feel like it is not enough, or is inadequate for some reason. I want to give pricey objects, but those objects would not mean much anyways, so why do I want to???

ARGH and Merry Christmas to All…

In His Loving Arms…

Einstein quote

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.- Albert Einstein, physicist

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It’s s a nice simple word. Why is it so difficult to achieve these days? I know there have been rebels throughout history. But really people, when you are in public, just show a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

There was an “incident” on Sunday afternoon. Charlie and I were on the way home from church. We had taken the first leg of our journey… the light-rail from 39th street to 29th street. There we have to transfer to a bus that will take us the next leg, then to another home…

We get to the light-rail station and rush to the bus stop a few yards away because the bus is at the light just before the stop already, and if we don’t hurry we will miss it and have to wait.

There was already a group of four young adults waiting for the bus. Being obnoxious, loud and generally normal. I would have been able to ignore them for the most part except….

The bus pulled up and one of the “kids” said something about the bus driver being a dyke. He said it loudly enough that the driver was able to hear it thru the door of the bus while it was closed. She was angry at the tone/manner in which the disrespect was delivered and so commented on it. “I heard what you said and I just want you to know that I don’t appreciate it. Yeah, you… “ She was getting off the bus, and the relief driver was getting on at this time, so she was pretty much face to face with the group of teens. She continued “I would not let you on my bus and I am going to remember your face and in the future you will not be allowed on my bus.” She then turned and left.

The kids were loudly taunting her as she walked away. The male bus driver who was waiting inside the bus, of course did not say anything. No one on the packed bus said anything. The kids walked to the back of the bus, full of bravado. Still talking about that “dyke bus driver” and how she needs to “get a REAL job”… etc. A man who got to the bus stop after the original incident said “man, that last bus driver got off the bus yelling at the kids..”

I turned to him and said “yeah because they called her a dyke as she was pulling the bus to the stop.” He said “oh, I see, well…”

The kids were still loud and obnoxious in the back of the bus. I got fed up. Why is no one telling these kids that they were in the wrong. Why are they now holding the entire bus hostage with their hate and vileness? Even the bus driver was trying to ignore them.

I turned in my seat and said “Can you guys just shut up. There is an entire bus full of people and we don’t want to listen to your attitude.” One of the girls said “shut up lady or I am gonna have my mom come and beat you back to Oregon… hahahaha” The others laughed also. I responded “You guys just need to shut the heck up. (I wanted to say a word other than HECK! but held back) You are 4 children… and you are acting like children and you just need to SHUT UP.”

The girl whose mom was gonna beat me piped up “I am not a child. I am grown.” Another one of the four said “we just out trying to have good day.”

* I guess having a good day is being successful in RUINING other peoples days???? *

About this time a man sitting in front of the kids, held his hand up in the universal “stop” motion (towards me!) and said to me “Lady, sit down… I will take care of this.” So, I sat and turned around. The kids did shut up after that. Just a burst here and there but I was not able to hear what they were saying, but was feeling the knife stares in the back of my head. BUT THEY WERE QUIET.

Charlie, meanwhile, was sitting there, ready to jump if need be. He was waiting. I texted to him “sorry about that”… then after he read that text and nodded to me I texted him again “well… they did shut up” he nodded again.

I think it is horrible the way kids control situations, because people are afraid of retaliation. I was sitting there on the bus thinking to myself… “damn, I have to get off the bus, at the same time as they will be getting off the bus.. wonder what will happen?” Sure… now I regret my actions. I also possess road rage issues which is one good reason for me to never get a car again.

I texted to Charlie again… “I won’t say anything to them, even if they say something to me, when we get off the bus… I hope!” He nodded again.

So, we get off the bus, and I went to stand by the bus shelter. I kept my back to the kids, but Charlie was watching my back. The kids walked by and didn’t say anything to me, as far as I could tell, either directly or indirectly. They did glance in my direction though. But no further confrontation.

The thing that struck me about the whole situation was this. They, the “kids,” felt that it was okay to say something disrespectful to another person. But, they got all bent out of shape when that person had the audacity to confront THEIR RUDENESS. Listen people… it is not hard. If you are rude to someone, expect them to be rude back. AND also expect others to call you on the carpet for your action. It is something YOUR MOTHER AND/OR FATHER AND/OR grandparents/aunts/uncles SHOULD HAVE DONE ALREADY. Come on people. Get real. Get nice. Get real nice. It is not that hard and will make life much more pleasant all the way around.


Sigh.. Anyways…

I remain always
In HIS loving arms.

No on H8 Rally...

I went to a Californian's Against 8 ralley at the state capitol yesterday afternoon. I went after church, got there around 1245. People were coming from all sides. I started choking up a bit as I approached. I have friends and family who are GLBT, and I was there to support them. I attend a church that I feel is open and affirming. My regional church has gay/lesbian clergy.

At work today I was telling a co-worker that I went to the rally yesterday. She asked what rally, and I told her that it was in opposition of Prop 8 passing. She said "... and that means...."

"It means that I support same sex marriage..."

She gave me "the look." I said "What?... " Her response was "I thought you go to church. You are part of your church's choir even.... " I told her that I do and I am... and that I support gay marriages... and so do many in my church/denomination. She turned back to her computer terminal.

I was upset and needed to talk, so asked my supervisor if I could have some time off the phones. She let me come up and I was able to vent a bit. I felt better... and now I am writing this blog entry and that makes me feel better too....

remember.. we are all

In His Loving Arms...

Please Pay Attention to ME ME ME

We are living in a society that demands recognition, validation, acknowledgement… instantly. If we do not get it we get impatient, upset, hurt. These feelings then can lead to depression, anger, apathy.

This morning at MickyD’s after I placed my order, I stepped to the side to allow the next customer access to the register. No one was in line, and the lady that took my order went to check on the hash browns at the fryer, or something… making sure things were running efficiently.

A young man, probably about 25 or so entered and approached the register. No one was there to greet him. He looked around, didn’t see anyone. He quietly cleared his throat “um hummm.” No one rushed over to greet him. No one said “I will be right with you.” I don’t think anyone noticed he was there, except me.

The lady who assisted me came into view and loudly the young man said “GOOD MORNING” and got her attention. She approached the counter and greeted him.

HE DID NOT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED TO ORDER YET… and made her wait for him to figure it out. But, he wanted that validation, wanted to know that he was seen standing there and that someone was waiting to help him.

Now this is just a small instance, but it makes you wonder about the bigger picture. We hear stories all the time where people are hit or shot because they were not acknowledged, were not respected, in a timely manner. We hear of people committing suicide because they are “invisible” to others.

It is important to feel worthy. It is important to feel needed. It is important to be seen, and heard, and understood.

so true, so true....SIGH

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen Goodman

....

Even If She Has to Have Her Sled Dogs Rip It Out of You

Girl on street, arguing with guy: I mean, I really like that Palin. She has a nice smile.
Guy on street: She smiles like that because she wants your soul!

--W Broadway & Warrren

Overheard by: jramon

via Overheard in New York, Oct 13, 2008

Reality/Insanity

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. - Philip K. Dick

Einstein's Quote of the Day.. thought it was funny.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Mirrors

This past weekend I attended my regional women's fall retreat at Mission Springs in Scott's Valley. Beautiful place, beautiful people, beautiful program. You get the picture. What I came away from the retreat with was the fact that we all are confronted with MIRRORS in our life. Those stereotypes, preconceived notions that others have about us; that we have about ourselves because of them.

In my small group discussion we had a question asking what mirrors we have had in our lives that have shaped us. My first thought was that I have always had to be strong for the rest of my family, because my mother died when I was 5. I had to be the good little girl, strong for her family, helping with her brother. I remember soon after my mom's death, a very clear memory, of my dad crying, me in his lap. I don't recall what words were said at the time, but in my mind I think that I felt I had to be strong for dad, to help him through the rough times. I had to help be a mother to my brother, rather than be a sister. I don't believe anything was actually SAID, but maybe IMPLIED. If not, I took it upon myself anyways.

One of the hardest part of being at retreat is MY inferiority complex. I don't have a strong sense of self; and I didn't have Ginger along this year to help support me and be there for me when I was feeling lonely. I really almost didn't sign up to go because of that. I was thinking to myself "Why should I go? I don't know anyone there. I won't have anyone to talk with. I don't want to just sit around by myself, I can do that at home.

Then Pastor Ted asked if I was going, if I needed help with money to go, or a ride. So, I turned in my registration. Then I asked Sheila for a ride. (That was hard, I have real trouble asking... for anything.) I later found out I would be riding with 5 other women, not just 1. What a wonderful thing. After 2 years attending and being a member of my current church, I will be able to learn a little more about them, and they will learn about me. Maybe become friends!... What an idea!

The real validation for going to retreat was that when I did get there women came up to me and hugged me and said "It's good to see you again." Some of these ladies I see maybe one or two times a year. I may not remember all their names, but faces were familiar. They were friends.

I had forgotten, while I was in my pity party about "no friend, no one knows me, I will be alone," that while I do not keep in constant contact with people, I still do have friends at retreat. People who served on council with me over the past 10-12 years. People who know me from when I sat at the "book store" and sold books. Ladies who I have shared with at other small group discussions, or over breakfast/lunch/dinner. Women who I have talked with about knitting/crochet/stitching. They may not be fast friends, best friends, but they ARE friends.

In talking with some of them, I found out that many also had thought NOT to come to retreat. They also had to talk themselves into going, and were also happy to have been there. Whew. It is not just me... I am not alone. There are others out there with doubts, even when they project such strength, that I would never have thought they had issues. I forgot that we are all human, we all have issues, we have strength and weakness, that we have love, hate and sadness in our lives. We all have mirrors. It is what we do with those reflections that form our lives.

And, of course, I remain always...

In His Loving Arms

Bus Quote

"Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night."

-Glade Byron Addams

Great Quote

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

-Oprah Winfrey

and I will add to that... "or will give you a ride instead of passing you by at the bus stop."

the elusive sleep factor

i have been having trouble sleeping .... again... still... always... i have been trying really hard to not sleep during the day and have met with some success... but still having trouble getting to sleep at night... i lay there for hours and finally fall asleep sometime around 2am or 3am... and have to wake up by 615am... i am exhausted

July 3, 1972

July 3, 1972.

36 years ago.

I was 5, my brother was 2.

There were 5 of us in the car. My parents, my cousin Susie, and me. This was in the day where you did not have to have your children strapped into car seats, so my brother was riding in my mom’s lap. My cousin and I were sleeping in the backseat; I don’t believe we had seatbelts on, it was not a requirement in ’72.

The road we were traveling on was the 2 lane highway outside of Vallejo, traveling towards Vallejo, on our way home to Sacramento. Both sides of the road has water canals on them.

I have sketchy memories of that night. I know I was sleeping. It was dark. The next memory is one of me waking up, water around me. It was cold, dark water. I remember hearing my father speak to me. I don’t remember the exact words, or the tone he was using. I remember that I was scared, not knowing what was happening. Panic. Soon someone pulled me thru the window of the car and took me to the shore.

It turns out the car was run off the road by someone who was trying to pass us. The other driver did not have enough room, the oncoming car was close, and the driver cut back into our lane, driving us off the road and into the water. The driver was drunk, on a suspended license because of previous drunk driving issues.

Our car ended up, upside-down, in the canal. 5 of us were trapped in the car. I don’t know the depth of the water. I do know that the water was dirty and cold, and came in the car quite fast. It tasted salty. I don’t remember if the windows were already open, or if my dad had to open the windows in order to help get us out of the car.

People who saw the accident stopped along the road and jumped in to save us. We all were able to get out, with one exception. My mom. She was wearing her seatbelt and they were not able to get it off in time. She drowned that night in that cold, nasty water.

I remember after I was pulled out to safety, sitting on the bank of the canal. Sitting with a stranger with a blanket or shirt or sweater – something dry and warm – wrapped around me. I remember the sounds of emergency vehicles arriving, people shouting, lights flashing. Panic. Chaos.

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital, but I do remember getting a warm bath, in a hospital bathtub by a nurse or orderly. I remember my hospital bed, which had the sides lifted in order to keep me in the bed. I remember climbing out of the bed in order to go to the bathroom and getting scolded by a nurse. I vaguely remember hearing my brother. I think.

I remember my dad coming in and getting me. We walked down the hall way of the hospital and he told me my mom was dead. I don’t remember if I cried. I believe Dad was crying.

In just a few seconds, that drunk driver had ruined our lives. Changed it forever. I was a motherless daughter. My dad was shattered. My brother was so young he has no memories of our mom at all. It changed our lives. Never would I be able to talk to my mom about boys. She would not be there to guide me nor my brother through all those hurdles of life, big or small.

My mom was another statistic. Drunk driving fatality. But we all were killed that day. Not physically, but spiritually, emotionally, mentally. We all died. The lives that came out of that car were not the same ones that entered it, just a couple hours before.

So, now, every year around the first of July, I tend to start thinking about the upcoming holiday. It is not usually a happy day for me. Our family can usually get thru the day well enough, BBQ, play badminton, other games, talk, laugh. But, I know that for me the thought is in the back of my mind, that we are missing a vital piece of our family.

I ask that you all enjoy the holiday, safe and sane and sober. If you do choose to drink and drive, please make sure that you have a back up plan. Have someone drive you home. Sleep on the floor or couch where you are at. Please do not get in the car, and sit behind the wheel, and drive down the road. You could horribly change lives if you drink and drive.

In His Loving Arms…

Nostalgia

I was thinking last night about the power of nostalgia. I was listening to the radio and the station I listen to most of the time (only because it is the only station I can get clearly) is the Eagle, which is "classic rock."

It is amazing how much particular songs bring back to our minds, isn't it? The memories a song can invoke.

One of the commercials that played was an announcement for KISS. This got me thinking about my best friend in junior high, Jamie, and her brother who was a KISS fan. I started wondering how their family is doing. I have not kept in touch with Jamie, though I do have her email and we both send junk email back and forth every once in a while. It also brought to mind how at the jr. high school dances I was the unofficial "disco queen." Gosh, I was SUCH A GEEK. I still like disco.

Not a Baby Anymore

Well, Charlie is not a baby anymore... At least age-wise.

He is 18 now. Yesterday was his birthday. I think this was harder for me to handle than when I turned 40. He is not ready to be an "adult" even though he thinks he is.

For the weekend he went on a Men's Spiritual Challenge with a group of men from church. There were about 13 men (two in their teens) and they had a really good time. Charlie came back really excited about his time away.

They went white water rafting, and rock climbing. They camped out overnight and he helped with breakfast. He was exhausted and sunburned.

I worried the whole time he was gone. I kept imagining him falling: into the river, off the rock wall, on a hiking trail. I worried for no reason, other than that I could. He was fine and thrived.

He was protected and...

In His Loving Arms

Work Re-location

Well, it has happened.

After 12 years in this building, they are moving us to a new location.

The building we are in was previously owned by the company that I work for. It was bought by a church a few years ago and we have since been leasing the space. The company that I work for has many buildings around the area and some of those spaces are sitting empty. So, it was logical to stop leasing the current space and move to a less expensive, company owned building.

It is going to be strange to go to a new place to work. Not only have I worked in this one building for 12 years, I had previously worked for an additional 4 years just down the street. I am very familiar and comfortable with the area. The bus system is fairly kind to me here. It will not be so kind at the new location.

The distance as the crows fly is not bad. However, being car-less it is a different situation with the regional transit system of this burg. I will have to take a bus from my apartments, get off at a light rail station. There I will board the train and go a couple stops up the road, and switch to another bus which will drop me off near the new job site.

The one way commute is about 1 hr long. I haven't even begun to figure out the return home route, but it will probably take about the same time.

The morning commute will start my day a full 35 minutes earlier than my current situation and gives me only a 10 minute leeway arriving to the last busy stop. I don't know how long it will take to walk to the building, but I am guessing it will take a couple minutes. I can only pray that I do not have days with delays.

I had been thinking of moving sometime towards the end of summer. My lease is up in November and I definitely do not want to renew it. They raised my rent last November $60/month and I am barely scraping by. I was hoping to move to the downtown/Grid area but now am going to focus more to the Carmichael/Arden/Fair Oaks area. I hope the rent prices are reasonable. If I am lucky I can get a location which has an easy commute. Maybe even bike ride distance again?!?

Yeah, I know, I haven't thought of the bike in a long while but have been thinking about it again, especially with the move coming up.

But, I have faith that all things work out for the best.

As always, in His Loving Arms

Quote

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Bonnie Jean Wasmund

10 Favorite Movies meme

10 Favorite Movies meme

list my top ten favorite movies.... no particular order:

Breakfast Club
Dirty Dancing
Gone with the Wind
Beauty and the Beast (Disney version)
E.T.
Close Encounters
Star Wars
Tortilla Soup
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Forrest Gump

Rest-less

Last night I had about 4 hours of sleep. I did not nap during the day, and I was tired. When I did put down my video game and decide it was time to sleep, I lay there for at least an hour. I tossed and turned, laying first on my right side, then my left. Bunching up the pillow, pillow flat, arm out to the side, arm close to my side. Nothing worked. I don’t remember what thoughts were going through my head either, although I do know they were there.

Finally I fell asleep. Then around 4:30am I woke up. I don’t know what triggered it, just that I was awake. About 5 or 10 minutes later I heard someone get in their car, start up and leave. My thought at that point was “gosh I am glad I don’t have to be at work at this ungodly hour.” I turned over and tried to sleep again.

The cat heard the person outside and took that time to climb up in the window. His tail made “swish swish” sounds as he twitched while looking out. A bird started singing. Well, actually it was not singing to me. Just NOISE. Another bird started in. The day was dawning, and I was not ready for it. I didn’t hear the mockingbird this morning, just two other birds with their common voices raised in song, welcoming the day.

I finally fell asleep again, I don’t know what time it was. The next sound I heard was my alarm clock waking me up again. It was 6:27am. The alarm is programmed to start beeping at 6:05am. I must have turned it off a few times before it pried into my mind and made me get up.

Rummage Sale

I helped out at my church's rummage sale this past Saturday. We, Charlie and I, were encouraged to be there, as the proceeds will help with summer camp scholarship and this is Charlie's last summer. We got up and left the house around 7am to get the 714am bus downtown. Then we took light rail to 39th street, then walked the few blocks to the church. We stopped at Starbucks on the between the bus and train to get fuel.

It was a beautiful day, too prety to be inside, but the doors were open to let in the day.

When we walked in there was a huge crowd of the early morning shoppers. Or so I thought. Most of the people, once I started glancing around, were actually church members there to help. They were all out of their Sunday clothes, hair pulled back, sneakers on, no make up! It was nice. There were some shoppers there too. I mostly spent the first hour or so wandering around looking to see what there was that I should NOT buy. There were some cool vinyl records (i have no player) that Charlie and I laughed about. There were some great VHS tapes, I don't have a VHS player any more. And there was a lot of electronics, speakers and raidos, that caught Charlie's attention.

Vickie was there and she is a great sales person. She walked among the people exclaiming over what they were looking at, asking if they needed a bag for their items. A couple ladies were guarding the door, making sure no one left without paying. Mostly the rest of us just walked amonst the shoppers and rearranged things on the tables. Charlie was my shadow.

Charlie was the only teen boy there and he got to help people out to their cars with larger items. He walked Virginia across the road with her purchases. She lives right across the street, uses a walker and moves about 2 yards a minute. Poor thing, but she is always at church and functions at church, and is a sweetheart. Charlie walked nice and slow with her and they talked all the way there. Charlie is really good with old people.

When I got bored, I took out my cross stitch and worked on it a little. I sat outside the door and greeted people with "Hi, Good Morning!" and as they left "Have a Great Day!" A couple of the other women who are about my age sat with me and we talked about crafts and other stuff. It was nice to talk with these ladies. I have not talked with them before, other than "HI". I came away feeling like I may be on the way to possible friendships, finally. I have been at this church over a year now. It was nice.

Around 2pm, we all helped clean up, boxing the left over items for charity and cleaning the room. We set up the fellowship hall for church the next day. A couple people swept the floors. The tween girls cleaned the kitchen. Pastor Ted counted the money. It was a very good day, money-wise. $1140 made for church camp scholarship!!

Afterwards, instead of walking to the train Charlie and I got a ride from Ted and Vicki. I asked them if they could take me to Ikea. They did. Charliel and I had dinner at Ikea, and he made me walk out without even looking at anything. Pat myself on the back for that because I can get caught up in the Ikea experience. We took the bus home.

It was a very long day, getting home finally a little after 6:30pm. Charlie and I both took showers and went to bed. He wanted me to wake him up around 8pm. I didn't. He slept thru his alarm going off and I figured he needed to sleep. I played my PSP for a while and fell asleep around 930pm.

It was a really great Saturday.

In His Loving Arms...

Update

Well, the "diet" is history. It lasted longer than most and less than is necessary. I am still watching what I am eating, though it has levelled out. The weight loss plateau'd and I stuck at 242. I am still there even after a couple weeks of not "dieting"... so that is a good thing.

Idol happiness: Kristy Lee got the boot. I really thought Carly would be going this week but she has stuck it thru. I hope that she sings "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" ... is that an Andrew Lloyd-Webber ?? If not oh, well.

My vote for the next Idol would have to be David Cook. He is a natural, even though his head is unnaturally shaped. He said it first, and it made me notice. David Archuletta is good but a little too stiff, and a little too young. I think he will be a star but not the next Idol winner.

Charlie update: he is failing his senior year in high school. I think he will have to repeat or go to summer school to finish up. Out of 6 classes currently he has F's in 3 of them, and is not passing his senior project, which was suppose to be presented.... Yesterday! sigh ... oh well, things will work out, one way or the other.

as always,
In His Loving Arms

Idol Comment 2

How is Kristy Lee staying in the race??

She is HORRIBLE and has not had a good performance in weeks, yet continues to hang on.

Amanda was ripped off.

I feel sorry for the people who will buy tickets to see Idol 7 top 10 in "concert".... they will have to sit through listening to Kristy Lee instead of Amanda. What a shame.

Weight Update

Just a quick update.

Total lbs lost so far: 14
Percentage of amount hoped to lose: 25%

Still to go: 41

It is a long shot but I am hoping the odds are good.

Idol Comment

I just have to say this because it is really getting on my nerves. I like watching American Idol and seeing what the contestants sing and predicting who will stay and go. I don’t like the “banter” between the judges, especially concerning Simon Cowell. The eye-rolling by Paula and Simon both needs to stop. They are rude to each other, and most of the time without cause. Then there is Ryan Seacrest. I think his time should come to an end. He is too full of himself. I could not believe that last night he told Cowell that “when you are host” then you can talk, or something along those lines. I was under the impression that Cowell is a co-creator of the show and had a little something to do with the hiring of Seacrest in the first place??!!?? Am I wrong? Ryan is just feeding a fire that has enough fuel already, and I know he is doing it to promote ratings, which also do not need feeding. It is almost, almost, to the point where I just don’t want to watch, because I cringe every time they open their mouths. Not the contestants, although I cringe at them sometimes too.

Happy Pill

I had a customer today who gave me the best compliment. Probably the nicest thing anyone has said in a long while. It was about the 2nd to last call of the day, and when I was done talking with the customer he said "What is it with you people... " I thought for sure that he was going to make a complaint about something or another. Then he continues "... do you all take happy pills? I have had wonderful customer service with everyone I have talked to about my service. That is such a nice thing these days."

I started laughing in pleasure. I told him that was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time, and that I was very happy to help him. It sure made my day!

In His loving arms.

Week 3 and counting...

i had this written and it did not save! i am not going to do it again

i am sticking to it, that's all

2 Weeks

2 Weeks since the start of my new eating habits.
I have lost a total, as of this morning... drum roll please... 13 lbs.
I have gone from 255 to 242.
My goal is 200.
I have done the math and I am at the 24% mark.

I even ate out at Spaghetti Factory on Friday, and did not have any bread. I had soup and Caesar salad with chicken. In the minestrone they put some potato and macaroni. I picked all those out. I did eat the few croutons from the salad.

Yesterday before church, Charlie and I went to Denny's. All their breakfast items include hash browns and pancakes. I got an omelet and had them leave both starches off my plate. I loaded the omelet with ham, bacon, and sausage. Not the most lean omelet but very high in protein. I even ate the eggs that Charlie picked off his Moons Over My Hammy sandwich.

I now have to add exercise which of course is the hardest of all. But, I figure, I have gone this far eating properly, I think I can add at least 2 days a week of exercise to start, then build up.

On nice Sunday's I will walk after church. If it is rainy I will have to find something else to do. I bought a bunch of work out DVD's when I moved into the apartment over a year ago, so maybe I will break those out. Or, maybe talk Charlie into going to the apartment gym once in a while. He went last night after doing his laundry, and spent about 20 minutes. I am going to try working my way up, starting slow, because I know if I try to go gung-ho I will burn out quicker.

In His Loving Arms

the I have not's and the I have's

I have been feeling really good about losing the 11 lbs in the first week of my “not a diet but a change in eating habits” thing. Everyone keeps reminding me that “it is probably just water weight” or something along that line. I know that the weight loss will not be that way every week, and probably not even close to it, and was reminded of that when I stepped on the scale this morning to see it a couple pounds more than it was on Monday morning!

I think the biggest thing for me is changing my eating habits. I mean, yeah I could stand to lose the weight, and I think I will do so, but in order to do that I HAVE TO CHANGE. I have to change how I think about food. I have to change how much I eat. I have to change what I eat. I have to change where I eat. NOW, WHO MOVED MY DAMN CHEESE!?!

Oh, yeah I can’t have cheese. At least not like I would like to. I did have some on my salad on Sunday, some yummy blue cheese…. yyyyuuuummm... *thinking of cheese* ... Ok, snap back to reality now.

CHANGE IS HARD. Gee, am I or not the first person to say so?? NOT. Ok, so it has been a week and a half. The positives other than the bit of poundage off my frame are these:

1. I have not had Chinese food, not even at church where I may have been “forgiven?!?”
2. I have not had PIZZA… mmmm cheese again.
3. I have not had Mexican food, that’s even been hard because I love going to Cilantro’s downtown and having a tostada with carnitas.
4. I have not had any candy. When I feel like breaking down and breaking open the bag of Kisses in the cabinet, I have settled for sugar-free gum. I even have it sitting just on the counter in the kitchen, right under that blasted cabinet with the Kisses.
5. I have not had any sugar, neither in my tea nor coffee. I have been sweetening my tea with Splenda, and my coffee with either Splenda or sugar-free flavored syrup.
6. I have not had any bread, tortillas, pasta, rice, or potatoes of any kind.
7. I have not had dairy (which I am allergic to by the way) meaning no ICE CREAM, no cream in my coffee, no yogurt, no cheese (other than the aforementioned).
8. I have had no cookies, crackers or chips.
   
   And also these other positives:
   
   
9. I have reintroduced myself to vegetables, with little or no butter/mayonnaise/dressing added.
10. I have started cooking at home. I was previously eating out at least 3-4 times a week. More if you count breakfast from the roach-coach each morning.
11. I have started eating fruit again. It is actually quite tasty. Blueberries frozen and straight from the bag, these are awesome, even if it turns my teeth purple.
12. I have learned that frozen pineapple and its juice is even better than just from the can.
13. I have been CLEANING my kitchen, learning that if I have to cook, then it has to be clean, or at least the dishes do.
14. I have started an avocado plant with a pit from one of my yummy avocados.
15. My son now knows that I can cook eggs, scrambled, that taste good.

Wow, I think this is a very impressive list.

*Patting myself on the back.*

Remaining in HIS loving arms…

Weekend Over

I made it thru the weekend, stuck to my diet. I went shopping for more fruits and veggies, even ate out and stuck to it! I walked quite a few blocks downtown after church yesterday, went to a new yarn shop. Looked at the fountain in front of the state capitol building, saw a guy who brought his 3 bunny rabbits to the capitol park to nibble on grass. It was a very nice Sunday!

I avoided the Chinese food that was served at church during fellowship hour.

My lunch was at the Hard Rock Sacramento, and I had a Citrus Grilled Chicken Salad, very yummy!

The scale this morning shows a total of 11 lbs less than it did last week at the same time!!!!

Needless to say: I am very happy with my progress.

WILL-POWER, WILL-POWER, WILL-POWER.

I have to stick to it

IN HIS LOVING ARMS

Diet Day 5...

OK… I have made it this far. Now the really tough part – THE WEEKEND. I am really going to have to be strong to make it thru the weekend. A lot of time on my hands, time to think and eat.

I have to admit: I have not exercised at all this week, in place of exercise I have gone to sleep to avoid eating, no change there! But, I avoided the chocolate and Chinese and Pizza for 5 whole days!

Total weight loss in the 5 days is 8 pounds though, so that gives me incentive to stick with it…. I hope! I am going to try to talk myself into walking when I feel like eating, just to get out of the house, and I have to get active anyways so that will be a start. It is a lot easier going back to bed and sleeping, rather than going outside and walking, no matter how beautiful the day may be.

I have a couple of brag moment to talk about. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I didn’t eat any of the candy that came across my desk. I kept it, but put it in the drawer for a later time, maybe when I lose some more weight. Or will end up throwing it away or giving to someone else.

The other thing that happened yesterday is that one of the supervisors brought in Valentine’s Day cookies. The really rich yummy ones from the store. Towards the end of the day someone walked around from person to person handing them out and I reached in and grabbed one, without even thinking. They smelled soooooo gooooood. There the cookie was, in my hand, and starting towards my face, when I remembered. I said outloud “OH, CRAP… what am I doing? I can’t have this.” Then I got rid of it quickly to another associate who was passing by.

I treated myself last night to half a cup of International Flavored Coffee, and I only put 2 small scoops in the cup, instead of the normal 4-5 heaping scoops.

I am feeling really proud that I have gone the 5 days. A co-worker said she can tell that I have lost some weight. Another added benefit, my skin breakouts are a lot less this week.

The song “Onward Christian Soldier” just popped in my head, as I was thinking about having will power for over the weekend.

Dieting...

I started a new diet on Monday. I have only tried real, planned, diets a couple of times before, because I do not like to plan things out. Traditionally, I have just tried to eat less, or eat out less, or exercise more … but nothing really thought out.

I got the diet from Health magazine and it seems pretty easy to follow, so far. The diet claims that you NEVER feel hungry. It suggests not eating dairy, grain or soy products, or eating very limited amounts. I am suppose to have at least 10 ounces of water with each meal.

I have to admit I am craving ice cream and candy. It is hard to not miss my favorite foods: Chinese and Pizza. Actually I have eaten more food in the past 2 days than I usually eat in one day, it is just very different type of food, and it is through out the day.

This diet is heavy on fruits and vegetables, with protein at every meal too.

I am feeling a little cranky and hungry, even though I am not really hungry. I believe it is just sugar withdrawals. I really wanted to eat some candy last night, I have bags of Kisses in the kitchen, but I had some will power and didn’t. Instead I fixed myself a cup of mint tea and used Splenda in it for the sweetness.

This is what my diet has looked like so far:

Monday breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, ½ cup blueberries, 1 banana
Monday break: 1 large orange
Monday lunch: lettuce wraps with turkey breast (abt 3 oz), ½ avocado, 1 roma tomatoe, mustard
Monday afternoon break: 1 apple with 2 tablespoons natural peanut butter
Monday dinner: 4oz of steak, pan seared with Hoisin sauce, cooked in olive and sesame oil, 1 cup brussel sprouts
Monday evening snack: 1 cup of grapes

Tuesday (I didn’t go to work and slept til almost noon): 2 scrambled eggs, 2 lean turkey sausage patties, ½ avocado, 1 roma tomato, salsa and a smidge of sour cream
Tuesday dinner: leftovers: steak and brussel sprouts
Tuesday evening snack: grapes and 2 tablespoons peanut butter

Wednesday breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, 1 cup blueberries, ½ cup peaches
Wednesday break: orange
Wednesday lunch: 4 oz tuna fish, with 1 hard boiled egg, 2 tomatos, 3 celery stalks
Wednesday afternoon break: ½ cup baby carrots, 2 tablespoons peanut butter

I don’t know what I am going to have for dinner yet, probably chicken salad.

The diet also comes with a 20-25 minute workout, which I have not brought myself to do yet. But think I may start that this afternoon, as well as going to the gym at the apartment to do some treadmill or elliptical machine for a little bit. I am going to start slow on the exercise, because I really HATE it.