Rough Day

I was talking with a friend who also has a child with PDD-NOS under the autism spectrum. We started talking about the frustrations of dealing with homework and school, and what will our child do in life...

Then the conversation progressed to daily living with our child. And the lack of friends that our children have. It makes me so sad. I started to cry and had to go back to my desk where I sobbed for a couple minutes.

Some people just don't understand what it is like to have a special needs child and I HAVE TROUBLE WITH UNDERSTANDING IT TOO. Some days are wonderful and we have a great relationship. Charlie and I can talk about all sorts of things. Then there are those days that are a trainwreck, and we have to go to different locations in the house to calm down.

Every parent wants their child to be happy and productive and it hurts so much to see him unhappy and unproductive, and floundering. Of course I am also unhappy, unproductive and floundering -- and twice his age.

I told my friend that I had really dropped the ball with raising my son, getting him benefits and help that he will need to get him through life. I will be honest. I have trouble getting through my own days sometimes, much less dealing with getting through my son's day.

I hate seeing my son feel crappy. He says "everyone I know blocks me out and shuts me down when I am talking" ... and we do. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it, but still we behave badly. And then we go on... behaving badly.

I guess the first step is knowing, the 2nd is actively working on change...

I remain...