I am crying...

I am very frustrated and upset.

Charlie was supposed to have graduated from High School a year ago. Class of 2008. He did not pass all his classes senior year and so was not able to walk in graduation ceremonies, or get diploma, and had to instead go to summer school.

We were ok with all that. He went to summer school – 2 sessions and passed both with A’s… he did his senior project and was told he passed that also.

We never followed up on getting his diploma. Just figured he passed that was it; and we never got anything from the school telling us otherwise. We were in no hurry to get his actual, physical diploma because he was not planning on going to school right away and we figured “just wait til you need it.”

I have been telling him for a year, however, “call the school and go over and pick up your diploma…” which he never did. I didn’t push him, figured he needed to do what he needed to do, and would do it at his own pace.

And, so an entire school year has come and gone, and a new one is starting up right now…

Well, this past week Charlie decided to look into Wyo-Tech and decided it was finally time to get his actual diploma from the high school… he made the call. And – was told that he didn’t graduate!!!!!

WHAT!!!!????

They say he needed a few more classes. A FEW MORE… HUH?

So, I called and left a message for his guidance counselor to call me and also sent an email. This was last week and didn’t hear anything back. No panic, the school is busy with the first of the year stuff and so I figured I would wait a few days.

I called again today and actually got to speak with the counselor and he pulled up Charlie’s information. It did not show his senior project grade, or his summer school class grades, and didn’t have information from his 9th grade first semester classes………. My mind boggles…

He is going to check into it and get back to me.

Wow, we really dropped the ball on this didn’t we… I should have followed thru, Charlie should have called them when I told him to, the school and district never contacted us to advise us that Charlie did not graduate.

I just want to cry though, and have been. It is eating me up.

Beginning Week 3

Three weeks ago yesterday I started going to Jazzercise classes! Today is the beginning week 3 of my Spark life. I am still down 10 lbs. and my measurements have not changed much, but I am not giving up hope like I would usually do. I know this will be an ongoing battle. I did not gain all this weight and become unhealthy in 2 weeks and so I will not get healthy and lose the weight that quickly either.

I have been attending Jazzercise Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Friday-Saturday. Two of the classes are morning, the other 3 are evening. This has been a real adjustment for me. I am use to going home after work and sitting on my butt for the entire evening. Now I go home, get ready for class, take the class, come home, MAKE dinner, eat, WASH the dishes right away... then and only then will I let myself sit down.

I have started to eat breakfast every morning, making lunches every day, and cooking dinner. I have started to go shopping for groceries and making smart choices. I have been to a fast food drive thru only twice, and I knew what I was going to get before going so that I would be within my calorie range. I have bought a food scale and am using it, and the measuring cup/spoons... EVERYTHING that goes on my plate is portioned.

The first 2 weeks were easy. My son was off to his grandfather's home for that time. It allowed me space to get in a groove. He came home on Sunday and so far so good. I have told him that I am doing this. Explained why and told him that if he wants he can come with me to the class site. I gave him the option to sit and watch the class (which he did on Tuesday), or he can get a basketball and play hoops on the court in the park, or just hang in the car and listen to his music or whatever.

I have food on hand that an 18-y.o. boy will like. He can make himself his regular food-stuff during the day like usual, but he can either eat the food that I make at night or not. His choice.

He complained about the pot roast that I served last night. He just does not like steak/roast. I told him he didn't have to eat it but if he wanted something else he would have to scrounge for it. He really like the 7-grain mix that I cooked, so I am going to go and get more of it. It was really nutty and crunchy, with great flavor.

I took him shopping with me Monday night and we picked out some healthy food together. Luckily I got him drinking Silk a few years ago and so he really likes that (I don't drink milk), and yogurt he loves. I know he won't touch my cottage cheese, nor the fruits and veggies that I have bought. He will eat the veggies if I cook them, but he won't do it on his own.

Overall he is being very supportive, and maybe I will start setting some sort of example to him.

Wish me luck as I begin week 3!

DMV Drama, not so much, but dang the wait is long

I stood in line at DMV yesterday for an hour. This was just to get a number so that I could sit in the lobby for another hour. Then my number was called and I got to go to Window 17, turn in some paperwork, and then go to Window 15 to pick up the tags for my car. 2 hours to turn in paperwork and pick up tags. I took a half day vacation to do this! and it was the third time I have gone thru this process in the past couple of months.

I was talking with a co-worker about this and another butted in saying "You can do almost everything online." This is NOT true, only partially true. If you know 2 months IN ADVANCED then you can do many things online with DMV. However, for things that happened suddenly, like getting a car and having to get title transferred, etc, then you have to go in spur-of-the-moment.

The first time that I had to go in was because I knew I was getting a car and my driver's licence was expired (over a year) and so I had to go in to get it renewed. I stood in line, I sat in the lobby, I went to a window and got a written test, took the test, took my picture and was out of there. 2 hours or so that visit.

The second time was after I got the car. I had to go in and pay the title transfer fees, and stood in line and sat in the lobby, paid $166 and was told that I need to get the car SMOGGED and bring back the paperwork, or I could mail in the paperwork. I was also told I had until Feb. 18 to get it done. No Problem. That was two weeks ago.

I took the car to the SMOG shop and it failed. So then I had to figure how to get it fixed and smogged. I talked with the lady that sold the car to me and we took the car into the shop where she had it serviced. I needed a sensor/computer thingy (or 3 possibly!). The shop did not have any in stock and it may take a few days. So, I waited and got the car back from the shop after 2 days.

Because computer thingy was replaced, the computer memory needed to be reset before I could get it tested at the smog shop again. This, I was told, required me to drive the car at least 100 miles. Not always an easy thing to do during the week, when I have nothing much planned and the worst storm of the season playing out.

I finally hit the 100 mile marker. I let Charlie get a lot of practice driving during the past week! Took the car in and it passed smog. Yippee!!! Now I could take it into DMV and get my title transfer complete and my new tags! But.... it was a holiday weekend AND with the budget in CA sucking the way it does right now (meaning NO BUDGET figured out) and with CA doing work furloughs, DMV is closed on the 1st and 3rd Fridays each month.

So, I stood in line on a Tuesday of a 3 day DMV work week.

Oh, we (Charlie and I) also found out that their behind the wheel tests are booked out over a month already. That would explain why when we DID GO ONLINE to make an appointment for Charlie to take his behind the wheel test -- THERE WERE NO APPOINTMENTS available for the office we need.

We can make an appointment for YUBA CITY or SOUTH SACRAMENTO for March 16 and beyond. Charlie does not know the area for S. Sac and would be hecka nervous driving there. Yuba City, he knows the area, but it is a 100 mile drive round trip... so, we wait.

He needs more practice anyways!

Rough Day

I was talking with a friend who also has a child with PDD-NOS under the autism spectrum. We started talking about the frustrations of dealing with homework and school, and what will our child do in life...

Then the conversation progressed to daily living with our child. And the lack of friends that our children have. It makes me so sad. I started to cry and had to go back to my desk where I sobbed for a couple minutes.

Some people just don't understand what it is like to have a special needs child and I HAVE TROUBLE WITH UNDERSTANDING IT TOO. Some days are wonderful and we have a great relationship. Charlie and I can talk about all sorts of things. Then there are those days that are a trainwreck, and we have to go to different locations in the house to calm down.

Every parent wants their child to be happy and productive and it hurts so much to see him unhappy and unproductive, and floundering. Of course I am also unhappy, unproductive and floundering -- and twice his age.

I told my friend that I had really dropped the ball with raising my son, getting him benefits and help that he will need to get him through life. I will be honest. I have trouble getting through my own days sometimes, much less dealing with getting through my son's day.

I hate seeing my son feel crappy. He says "everyone I know blocks me out and shuts me down when I am talking" ... and we do. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it, but still we behave badly. And then we go on... behaving badly.

I guess the first step is knowing, the 2nd is actively working on change...

I remain...

A new year, but the same old "stuff"

Happy New Year, 2009!

So, another year has come … and gone.

2008 was fairly much like every other year; I am a pretty boring person.

I was talking with my stepmom Joyce on Christmas and she was talking about all the things she did (she travels a LOT). I was trying to remember the last time I went to L.A. and it was soon after I left Southern California. At that time I went to a friend’s funeral. This was BEFORE Charlie was born, and he is 18 now.

The only thing that I do outside of Sacramento is go to Santa Cruz for women’s retreat and to the Monterey Bay area for Annual Meeting. Charlie has not been to “local” attractions, meaning within the state, at all. He has not been to Disneyland, or to Yosemite. We have been through San Francisco, on the way to his winter retreat, but we have never really gone there and done sight seeing things like to Pier 39 or Alcatraz or the Wax Museum. When he was about 7 we went to the Exploratorium, but he was not interested in it and had a horrible time.

I did get him to Great America for his 17th birthday. That was cool. We took the train and had a great day. But, really, other than that we have not done a whole lot. This I feel guilty about. I know that the things that he has done is more than a great percentage of children and adults have done in their lives, but it is less than a lot of people too. I guess the main thing that gets me is that it is less than I was privileged to have done by the time I was his age.

What gets me is that he had to sit there at Christmas also, and listen to Grandma Joyce talk about all the cool things she does and places that she goes. I don’t know how he feels about it, but it makes me feel crappy.

I can complain all I want about Joyce and how we didn’t get along, but for the few years she and Dad were married, she did expose me to a lot of things: skiing, trip to Ashland Oregon Shakespeare festival, train trip to Colorado, piano lessons (that I hated). Of course we also had a violent relationship, which included a lot of yelling and hitting on both of our parts. So, does it balance everything? I don’t know.

I know that in a lot of ways I just have not been there for Charlie emotionally, mentally, even though I have been around physically. I like to think that I have given him a decent foundation through church, my moral beliefs, and my lifestyle. I have tried to balance that with the fact that his father is who he is and that we had many years of upheaval.

I feel encouraged that Charlie can talk to me about most everything, that we have done quite a few cool things. His first concert was the Who and we have since gone to a lot of great concerts together including Eric Clapton and another with Godsmack and Rob Zombie (not just MOM’s music). I have made sure that he gets to go to church camp, both winter and summer, that he goes to Annual Meeting, and that he has been able to get to the men’s retreat where he got to go rock climbing and white water rafting. So, he is not lacking in things he has done. Just that they are all here and usually church related. “Not that there is anything wrong with that…” But you know… I still feel like I have not provided him with enough… enough culture, enough excitement, enough “stuff.”

But, that may just be my hang up and not something that I should worry about? What-EVER!!

In Jesus Loving Arms…

Not a Baby Anymore

Well, Charlie is not a baby anymore... At least age-wise.

He is 18 now. Yesterday was his birthday. I think this was harder for me to handle than when I turned 40. He is not ready to be an "adult" even though he thinks he is.

For the weekend he went on a Men's Spiritual Challenge with a group of men from church. There were about 13 men (two in their teens) and they had a really good time. Charlie came back really excited about his time away.

They went white water rafting, and rock climbing. They camped out overnight and he helped with breakfast. He was exhausted and sunburned.

I worried the whole time he was gone. I kept imagining him falling: into the river, off the rock wall, on a hiking trail. I worried for no reason, other than that I could. He was fine and thrived.

He was protected and...

In His Loving Arms

Rummage Sale

I helped out at my church's rummage sale this past Saturday. We, Charlie and I, were encouraged to be there, as the proceeds will help with summer camp scholarship and this is Charlie's last summer. We got up and left the house around 7am to get the 714am bus downtown. Then we took light rail to 39th street, then walked the few blocks to the church. We stopped at Starbucks on the between the bus and train to get fuel.

It was a beautiful day, too prety to be inside, but the doors were open to let in the day.

When we walked in there was a huge crowd of the early morning shoppers. Or so I thought. Most of the people, once I started glancing around, were actually church members there to help. They were all out of their Sunday clothes, hair pulled back, sneakers on, no make up! It was nice. There were some shoppers there too. I mostly spent the first hour or so wandering around looking to see what there was that I should NOT buy. There were some cool vinyl records (i have no player) that Charlie and I laughed about. There were some great VHS tapes, I don't have a VHS player any more. And there was a lot of electronics, speakers and raidos, that caught Charlie's attention.

Vickie was there and she is a great sales person. She walked among the people exclaiming over what they were looking at, asking if they needed a bag for their items. A couple ladies were guarding the door, making sure no one left without paying. Mostly the rest of us just walked amonst the shoppers and rearranged things on the tables. Charlie was my shadow.

Charlie was the only teen boy there and he got to help people out to their cars with larger items. He walked Virginia across the road with her purchases. She lives right across the street, uses a walker and moves about 2 yards a minute. Poor thing, but she is always at church and functions at church, and is a sweetheart. Charlie walked nice and slow with her and they talked all the way there. Charlie is really good with old people.

When I got bored, I took out my cross stitch and worked on it a little. I sat outside the door and greeted people with "Hi, Good Morning!" and as they left "Have a Great Day!" A couple of the other women who are about my age sat with me and we talked about crafts and other stuff. It was nice to talk with these ladies. I have not talked with them before, other than "HI". I came away feeling like I may be on the way to possible friendships, finally. I have been at this church over a year now. It was nice.

Around 2pm, we all helped clean up, boxing the left over items for charity and cleaning the room. We set up the fellowship hall for church the next day. A couple people swept the floors. The tween girls cleaned the kitchen. Pastor Ted counted the money. It was a very good day, money-wise. $1140 made for church camp scholarship!!

Afterwards, instead of walking to the train Charlie and I got a ride from Ted and Vicki. I asked them if they could take me to Ikea. They did. Charliel and I had dinner at Ikea, and he made me walk out without even looking at anything. Pat myself on the back for that because I can get caught up in the Ikea experience. We took the bus home.

It was a very long day, getting home finally a little after 6:30pm. Charlie and I both took showers and went to bed. He wanted me to wake him up around 8pm. I didn't. He slept thru his alarm going off and I figured he needed to sleep. I played my PSP for a while and fell asleep around 930pm.

It was a really great Saturday.

In His Loving Arms...

Update

Well, the "diet" is history. It lasted longer than most and less than is necessary. I am still watching what I am eating, though it has levelled out. The weight loss plateau'd and I stuck at 242. I am still there even after a couple weeks of not "dieting"... so that is a good thing.

Idol happiness: Kristy Lee got the boot. I really thought Carly would be going this week but she has stuck it thru. I hope that she sings "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" ... is that an Andrew Lloyd-Webber ?? If not oh, well.

My vote for the next Idol would have to be David Cook. He is a natural, even though his head is unnaturally shaped. He said it first, and it made me notice. David Archuletta is good but a little too stiff, and a little too young. I think he will be a star but not the next Idol winner.

Charlie update: he is failing his senior year in high school. I think he will have to repeat or go to summer school to finish up. Out of 6 classes currently he has F's in 3 of them, and is not passing his senior project, which was suppose to be presented.... Yesterday! sigh ... oh well, things will work out, one way or the other.

as always,
In His Loving Arms

Slip Sliding, Again...

I am on a slippery slope, on the downhill side of it, depression-wise anyways.

Currently, I am at work. I like my job. I like when I have people around me that I can talk with. I don’t like it when they all leave and I am here alone, hearing the conversations of everyone around me. What I really hate is having a supervisor who rarely, rarely, acknowledges me, but seems to talk with everyone else.

There are days that I go without even talking with her. Certainly days when if I do not purposely go and speak with her that I would otherwise not talk with her, or really know that she was here… except that I can hear her voice over all the others.

It really, really bothers me when she sends out a commendation for another associate. It does not bother me that others are noticed for their good work, and when a customer goes out of his/her way to praise someone who helps them they should be singled out and given a “good job” pat on the head.

It bothers me because on two occasions that I know of I have had customers give me a commendation, yet I have received no “good job” pat on the head. This pat usually comes in the form of an email to the entire work group and/or a paper certificate that can be proudly displayed.
I have received neither for these two calls that I busted my hump over.

I am not one to ask the customer to praise me like some of my co-workers. I usually say “thanks, glad I could help” and then that is the end of the conversation. I know others say “thanks, let me get you my supervisor” then transfer the customer or give the supervisors email, etc.

I don’t mean to sound petty, and I know I am. It is not like I have not been acknowledged in other ways at work, but I would like notice to be given to me, based on my customer feedback.

My workplace has awarded me on quite a few occasions for being a hard worker, having pride in my job, handling tough customers, quality of service. It just somehow means more when it is a customer commendation, rather than a supervisor or peer commendation. Well, maybe not more, but it feels different.

It has been noticed by even the center manager that I am excelling at my job; a job that he told me that I was not qualified for, just a little more than 6 months ago.

On another note: my son will turn 18 in June. I am starting to really feel lonely about that, even though he basically does not live with me now. I am starting to feel panic at the thought that he will be “an adult,” he reminded me that he will be able to vote in November for the presidential race. He will have to sign up for the draft. I am worried about his job prospects, school, life beyond high school, money management skills or lack thereof. How is he going to survive out there in the real world; or, is he going to live with mom or dad forever? Or, move out and back in multitudes of times like I have had to do with my dad.

I have been wondering if my dad went through the same feelings that I am feeling. I remember myself at my son’s age and I was so much more mature than he is, but I was still my fathers child, and I am sure he felt some of the things that I feel. Hell, he still feels for me and worries about me. That is a “from the beginning of time” type of bond, parent/child.

Then I am also thinking about “what will happen” … to me when my dad dies and I am left to fend for myself. I have always thought of myself as independent, but I am not. I know that now. If I could just get back one percent of the confidence I had about my life when I was 16, then I would be ok.

In HIS loving arms…

In-opportune Opportunity

I had a wonderful opportunity arise this past week, which I had to turn down.

Heather said she is looking to move, knows of a duplex that is in a nice neighborhood, but the rent would be $1200, and she needs to have a housemate. Currently my rent for my apartment is $929 per month, so $600 a month would be real nice. Seems like a slam-dunk in decisions, but of course, nothing is that simple.

It’s a three bedroom duplex, with her sister living next door. It has been recently fixed up and looks “awesome.” The third room the boys would share, she has her son part of the week, and my son is with me only occasionally lately. We both have a cat each. So, what more could I want?

I just signed a year lease for my apartment on Oct 31st. While this could pose a problem, it would be worth the monetary damages in the long run. That was my first, slight concern. Saving $329 per month on rent would be nice. I would be able to get some bills paid off that really, really need to be paid. I would be able to get cable, internet, etc. I would be able to “save” some??

My next concern was packing and moving. I hate it, hate it, hate it… don’t really know anyone who likes it, likes it, likes it. I still have a lot of the “stuff” packed and sitting around, so most would just have to be hauled away, either to the new place or the dump/trash. I know the adage that if you haven’t used it in a year, you really don’t need it. I should get rid of it, but you know – it is MY STUFF, whether or not I NEED it or not. I was telling Heather that I just have “so much stuff” – she said, “that’s good, I only have the 2 beds, clothing and not much else” or something to that effect.

The big problem is Charlie. He has another 6 month of school, and basically uses my apartment as a crash pad after school. Most days he goes to his fathers, dad picks him up from my place usually before I get home. But it is very convenient, just a couple blocks from school. If I moved he would have to take first 1 bus to the light rail station, then the train to the end of the line, then another bus from there to his dad’s apartment. He would be on the bus from 3 – 4:15 or so, which would get him to his dad’s place about 30 minutes before dad gets home.

Charlie still takes naps some days because he gets home from school exhausted. He generally uses his time at my house to eat (doesn’t eat at school during the day), rest, watch TV, basically chill out before doing homework. If he rode the bus for an hour and a half each day he would not get this relaxation time that he really needs. This change in his routine would be very hard for him to adjust to, not to mention the harm it would cause to his school-work.

I took a while to think and pray about this and then I had to make one of the hardest decisions. I had to say no to Heather.

Charlies 17th Birthday

Well, just to update the last time I posted when things were bad...

Some people that were picked for the new job at work backed out, and so I am on the new team and start training next week. The first group that is training says it is filled with a lot of technical things and quite intense, and it sounds great to me so far.

Charlie and I went to Great America and had a great time. I made him take his iPod along so that I could have some quite time to read on the 3 hr train ride to Santa Clara. He only talked about half the time. Praise be to GOD!! People who know Charlie know what I mean!!!!!

I think the walk from the train station to the entry of G.A. was a bit longer than the .3 mile that one web-site mentioned, but it was still not too bad. The weather was great that day, low 80's and breezy. The park didn't have any shows but they have plenty of rides to go on. They only had a few school groups at the park that day and not much else. I was so relieved, I had crowded parks. The longest time we had to wait was for INVERTIGO and that was maybe 15 minutes.

Click here to see the parks Thril Rides.

The first ride of the day was Top Gun which was awesome. I have to tell you I love rides that go fast, upside down, round and round. But, sometimes my body doesn't. They have a ride called VORTEX and that one has a restraint system that makes you feel like you have gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, boxed about the head, ear torn off, etc.

The ride that Charlie likes the most I think was Drop Zone. I remember going on it 20 years ago, they have changed the ride a little bit but same basic... go up, and freefall down. Description of this one is: Experience the rush of gravity as you descend 22 stories in less than four seconds on the DROP ZONE Stunt Tower, one of the tallest and most intense free-fall rides in the world. Hold on tight as your vehicle coasts down the 224-foot tower in complete safety.

Charlie was loving it, and went on probably 8 times during the day. I went on about 4 times. I don't know why. I am terrified of heights and this ride just emphasized that. Each time I got to the top I started thinking "oh God, why did I come up here!?! Oh, please get me down and don't let me do this again....... AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH..." I scream all the way down each time. 4 seconds seems forever yet not long enough.

Charlie never screams, I don't think he ever makes a noise, just holds on tight, then when the ride is over wobbles on unsteady feet, then gets back in the line to do it again.

He was starting to really feel tired around 5pm but wanted to go on Top Gun again, so we crossed the park and he made the ride 2x's more before we left. I sat and read my book, in the shade and drinking a PowerAde. When he was done, we went to one of the shops and bought little souviner's for the day, and started walking to the train station.

We had an hour to wait for the train, and Charlie was quite restless and moody because he was exhausted. The train was promptly there at 7:27p, and Charlie was asleep or at least dozing off right away.

I would say it was a GREAT (AMERICAN) DAY!! HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY CHARLIE!!!!!

Sometimes life just sucks...

Suck #1 --
Yesterday I rode the bus to work because I attend Taize prayer services at St Francis Catholic Church (26th & K) and I didnt want to ride home then quickly get to the bus to get to the church on time... I was able to get a friend to drive me from work to 4th and J where I was meeting Charlie and taking the next bus to the church. We got home around 830 and I found that my bike had a flat tire and would not hold air... again... so, today I again rode the bus.

Suck #2 -- I was told last week that my car (broken and dead) in the parking lot of my work since October, needs to be moved within this week. I haven't contacted any one about it yet and when I went to the car found that it would not turn over, battery is DEAD.

Suck #3 -- While opening the car found a couple of wasp/hornet/yellow-jacket nests in 1. the frame of the drivers door, and 2. the engine area.

Suck #4 -- BEING DUMB and trying to remove the nests with a twig, a very very short and flimsy twig.

Suck #5 -- Being stung by one of the little buggers on my wrist, not once as I originally thought, but twice; looks a little like a vampire attacked my wrists.

Good #1 -- Not allergic to said bites !!! like my father and brother are... can I say an AMEN?!? Yes, I can.. AMEN!!!

Suck #6 -- Being passed over for a new work group at my job. I am on an attendance warning, and tho 5-6 people who were chosen are also on warning, I have more seniority than any of them, and I have not gotten a good excuse why I was not chosen. If they can explain it to me, I would accept it but they are hemming and hawwing and not answering the question... other than that they had their CRITERIA and I didnt fit it. So, I say let me know the criteria so that I can IMPROVE myself.. no answer to that yet either.

Good #2 -- Charlie turns 17 !!!! TOMORROW I am going to surprise him with a great birthday trip. We are going to be up and on a Bus by 6a.m, then Amtrak to Santa Clara and we are going to GREAT AMERICA!

PLEASE GOD PROVIDE ME WITH STRENGTH, PATIENCE AND CALM, I am really in need of these right now...

IN HIS LOVING ARMS ALWAYS, EVEN WHEN LIFE SUCKS!!!

Biking...

I have finally had my son fix my bike tire... yes I know I should learn how to do it myself... but I am not ready to be that independant yet!

Last week I rode it to work three days. Let me first say that on Monday last week I was late for work because the first bus that I take did not show and the 2nd was 30 mins after that one was suppose to pick me up. So, I was late to work! The down side of riding the bus I guess.

So, Monday night Charlie fixed the tire and on Tuesday and Wednesday I rode to work. My tushy was very sore and my knees felt like I had been doing the long jump for a week. The ride is about 3 miles each way and I only have one freeway overpass to trudge up. Tuesday morning was the only time that I actually RODE all the way up without stopping and walking the bike up. I figure that one of these days I will be conditioned enough to do it on a regular basis, but I'm not ready for that quite yet.

I took Thursday off as a rest my tush day and almost talked myself out of the ride on Friday, but forced myself. I did a tug of war with myself mentally in order to do it though. I ended up waiting until I knew my bus had come and gone and then I had to ride in order to get to work on time!! But I did it.

This morning -- Monday -- I rode again. I walked the bike over the freeway and made the 3 mile ride in 24 minutes. I timed myself this time. I am not in a hurry to get to work as I give myself plenty of time, but I am going to start keeping track in order to see if I do better. I noticed this morning I was not huffing and puffing like I had last week, so that is a definate sign of progress.

I am kinda worried that with summer coming along I will say "it's too HOT to ride my bike" but I am going to force myself to ride to work when it is cool, then I will HAVE to ride in order to get home, in the heat. Good plan? I will find out soon, as the temp is surely rising as we get closer to June.

On another note, we are getting closer to June. That means my baby will be turning 17!! argh... Is it possible ?? Thank God that he has not passed his drivers test, the written one anyways. I am dreading him driving, and dreading the cost of him driving more so.

Prayers please that he will NOT pass when he takes the test again this coming Saturday! <>

For ever leaning on His loving arms...