Slip Sliding, Again...

I am on a slippery slope, on the downhill side of it, depression-wise anyways.

Currently, I am at work. I like my job. I like when I have people around me that I can talk with. I don’t like it when they all leave and I am here alone, hearing the conversations of everyone around me. What I really hate is having a supervisor who rarely, rarely, acknowledges me, but seems to talk with everyone else.

There are days that I go without even talking with her. Certainly days when if I do not purposely go and speak with her that I would otherwise not talk with her, or really know that she was here… except that I can hear her voice over all the others.

It really, really bothers me when she sends out a commendation for another associate. It does not bother me that others are noticed for their good work, and when a customer goes out of his/her way to praise someone who helps them they should be singled out and given a “good job” pat on the head.

It bothers me because on two occasions that I know of I have had customers give me a commendation, yet I have received no “good job” pat on the head. This pat usually comes in the form of an email to the entire work group and/or a paper certificate that can be proudly displayed.
I have received neither for these two calls that I busted my hump over.

I am not one to ask the customer to praise me like some of my co-workers. I usually say “thanks, glad I could help” and then that is the end of the conversation. I know others say “thanks, let me get you my supervisor” then transfer the customer or give the supervisors email, etc.

I don’t mean to sound petty, and I know I am. It is not like I have not been acknowledged in other ways at work, but I would like notice to be given to me, based on my customer feedback.

My workplace has awarded me on quite a few occasions for being a hard worker, having pride in my job, handling tough customers, quality of service. It just somehow means more when it is a customer commendation, rather than a supervisor or peer commendation. Well, maybe not more, but it feels different.

It has been noticed by even the center manager that I am excelling at my job; a job that he told me that I was not qualified for, just a little more than 6 months ago.

On another note: my son will turn 18 in June. I am starting to really feel lonely about that, even though he basically does not live with me now. I am starting to feel panic at the thought that he will be “an adult,” he reminded me that he will be able to vote in November for the presidential race. He will have to sign up for the draft. I am worried about his job prospects, school, life beyond high school, money management skills or lack thereof. How is he going to survive out there in the real world; or, is he going to live with mom or dad forever? Or, move out and back in multitudes of times like I have had to do with my dad.

I have been wondering if my dad went through the same feelings that I am feeling. I remember myself at my son’s age and I was so much more mature than he is, but I was still my fathers child, and I am sure he felt some of the things that I feel. Hell, he still feels for me and worries about me. That is a “from the beginning of time” type of bond, parent/child.

Then I am also thinking about “what will happen” … to me when my dad dies and I am left to fend for myself. I have always thought of myself as independent, but I am not. I know that now. If I could just get back one percent of the confidence I had about my life when I was 16, then I would be ok.

In HIS loving arms…

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K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Stupid

I have never thought of myself as simple, or stupid, but in looking at my life for the past year I have been living quite simply.

I have no car, no home phone, no internet access. My phone is 13 inches diagonal, with no cable, no dish. I have rabbit ear antennae and still get only 2 stations reasonably well, channels 40 and 31. I have a little boom-box that Charlie got for Christmas a few years ago. It can play one CD, and I get only one station in clearly on it.

In order to get places I still am relying on others, whether it is friends, co workers, family, or the Sacramento Regional Transit. For shopping, I usually just pick up what I can comfortably carry home; just a few items each trip. Once in a while I have my dad take me shopping, when I load down the trunk with groceries and paper products, cat supplies, etc.

I have tried to curtail unnecessary spending, mostly because I really don’t have much to spare. Rent takes up 66% of my income (after taxes). Utilities: gas, water, garbage, electric, cell phone take up another 200. SO, I basically have about $200 a month to live on, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that I have to live simply.

Strange Night

I am really feeling crappy today. I had a strange thing happen last night that really shook me up.

I was in bed, trying to go to sleep. I was in the middle ground of being asleep and being awake, and had a form of nightmare that was really disturbing. I had the sensation of something that I would describe as paralysis, could not move, couldn’t raise my arms or swing my legs out of bed, raise myself in any way.

My eyes were open, I think, I was able to see the normal shadows on the wall, my night stand, and items there. My mind felt like it was shaking, I thought I heard chattering voices, very threatening to me. It almost felt like my eyes were twitching back and forth. The thought going thru my mind was that I was having a stroke or heart attack, because I couldn’t move or pull myself out of it. As I am writing this I am thinking “this is just sounding crazy” …

I finally was able to wake up completely and move… then I didn’t want to go back to sleep because I was afraid it would start up again.

In His Loving Arms...

Horror Scopes II

The horoscope that I resisted looking at yesterday reads:

You could be tempted to buy some rather nice or expensive things for yourself
today. But if you've given any thought to changing your spending habits lately,
now would be the perfect time to start. You might want to take the opportunity
to sort through your whole financial picture today.

WELL, I don't want to sort through my WHOLE FINANCIAL PICTURE today.
What if I do want to buy something nice and expensive for myself.
I don't want to change my spending habits.

OH, ok... I guess being broke wouldn't have been the first clue. Right??

Horror Scopes

One of many Horoscopes for me today says:

You could be getting interesting news about some developments on the work front today. And if you've been giving any thought to the subject, it might not be a bad time to think about asking for a raise. Your attention should be primarily focused on your money and personal values today.

Yesterday my fortune cookie told me:

The world will soon be ready to receive your talents.

It all has me wondering “What is going to happen??”

Just a note: the site that has my horoscope has a hyper link that is labeled: Tomorrow’s Horoscope. I really want to click on that but it seems like tempting fate. It would seem like that TV show where the guy gets tomorrow’s paper and tries to stop bad things from happening… BTW I am not going to click on that hyperlink.

Another thought: why are there so many DIFFERENT horoscopes? Shouldn’t they be redundant??

Polite Neighbors

I have some very polite neighbors, or at least if they are not neighbors then I could only hope and wish and pray that they are!!

Can you hear sarcasm in that sentence?? I'm sorry...

California is under a heavy winter storm barrage right now. They have been warning of it for a few days so I wanted to get things in order before having to batten down the hatches. Therefore, with this in mind, last night I wanted to make sure that I cleared the kitty litter box and removed the trash from the apartment.

Because it is a good thing to do I made sure as I left my apartment to lock the door behind me. Oh, also the cat decided that he wanted to brave the great outdoors too, so he whooshed by before the door shut. I let him stay out, which I do often when going out for just a couple minutes. It makes him feel good, but I digress.

I start to go around the corner of the building with my trash in hand and what do I see?? I see the back of a person, his front being facing a bush. The young gentleman was peeing.

I gasped and almost said something, and he turned his head before I had a chance to turn away. He said, very politely "OH, sorry ma'am." I decided to take the trash out a different route.

I say the people are polite because even when they are displaying bad behaviors, they are polite about it. I guess their mamma's taught them well. The guy who almost kicked in my door apologized, and so did the bush-pee'er.

I have to admit though, I am envious. There have been many times that I wish I had the ability to pee in the bushes, and you ladies know that you wish so to.

In his loving arms,

Scary Christmas

Okay, so the title is a little off, but it sounds good.

I had a really good Christmas with my family. We had dinner again at my step-mom's house. It was my dad, my brother Brian, his lady Anne and myself. Charlie spent the holiday with his father and grandmother. We had ham, candied yams/apples, green bean casserole, cranberry jello stuff and a roll. It was all very delicious, washed down with a nice white wine. I don't normally drink wine, so I was a little fuzzy by dinner time.

The Scary Christmas story actually is about the day after. Known in some countries as Boxing Day, but not observed here in the U.S.

I spent the day pretty much in my usual day off mode: in bed, napping and playing my video game. I would get up once in a while and go potty, or get a snack, then back to bed.

Around three in the afternoon I woke up to pounding at my door. It was not a nice little knock... it was POUNDING. The cat and I both bolted upright. My heart was pounding for a bit until I realized it was someone at the door.

I don't answer my door, because it usually is someone asking for money for one charity or another... or someone looking for someone else. When I have actual guests, they notify me before they show up, and they certainly don't POUND on the door.

So, I waited.

And, waited...

The POUNDING continued.

I finally got up out of the bed, wearing my typical around the house wear, shorts and a little tank top. I approached the door cautiously, looking out the patio door to see if there was anyone lurking there looking in... my blinds were not shut. I didn't see anyone. I tried to go to the door quietly. POUNDING, POUNDING.... I was just to the door and almost getting in front of it to look out the peep. B....A....N....G...... the door blew in a few inches, I literally saw daylight, and the door buckled inward.

My heart almost stopped. My first thought was that someone had shot my door, and thank GOD I was not in front of it... I looked for a hole in the door but there was none. He had kicked the door almost in. Thanks to the dead bolt it didn't open.

I have to preface this with I AM STUPID AND STUPIDER when I get upset.

I then went to the peep and looked through it to see who was on the other side of the door.

It was a big, black man, with a white beanie, carrying a backpack. I yelled through the door "I THINK YOU HAVE THE WRONG PLACE." He answered, "I am sorry, I am looking for my brother and he lives in apt # XX ..... " I yelled back... AS I OPENED THE DOOR, "WELL HE DOESN'T, YOU HAVE THE WRONG PLACE.... YOU GONNA PAY TO FIX MY DOOR? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE." He apologized again and walked off.



I then went back to the bedroom and watched him walk away as I was closing the blinds, went back to the living room and closed the blinds there too. I didn't finish my afternoon nap.

and, NO I didn't call the cops, though in hindsight I should have.

In Jesus' Loving Arms

In-opportune Opportunity

I had a wonderful opportunity arise this past week, which I had to turn down.

Heather said she is looking to move, knows of a duplex that is in a nice neighborhood, but the rent would be $1200, and she needs to have a housemate. Currently my rent for my apartment is $929 per month, so $600 a month would be real nice. Seems like a slam-dunk in decisions, but of course, nothing is that simple.

It’s a three bedroom duplex, with her sister living next door. It has been recently fixed up and looks “awesome.” The third room the boys would share, she has her son part of the week, and my son is with me only occasionally lately. We both have a cat each. So, what more could I want?

I just signed a year lease for my apartment on Oct 31st. While this could pose a problem, it would be worth the monetary damages in the long run. That was my first, slight concern. Saving $329 per month on rent would be nice. I would be able to get some bills paid off that really, really need to be paid. I would be able to get cable, internet, etc. I would be able to “save” some??

My next concern was packing and moving. I hate it, hate it, hate it… don’t really know anyone who likes it, likes it, likes it. I still have a lot of the “stuff” packed and sitting around, so most would just have to be hauled away, either to the new place or the dump/trash. I know the adage that if you haven’t used it in a year, you really don’t need it. I should get rid of it, but you know – it is MY STUFF, whether or not I NEED it or not. I was telling Heather that I just have “so much stuff” – she said, “that’s good, I only have the 2 beds, clothing and not much else” or something to that effect.

The big problem is Charlie. He has another 6 month of school, and basically uses my apartment as a crash pad after school. Most days he goes to his fathers, dad picks him up from my place usually before I get home. But it is very convenient, just a couple blocks from school. If I moved he would have to take first 1 bus to the light rail station, then the train to the end of the line, then another bus from there to his dad’s apartment. He would be on the bus from 3 – 4:15 or so, which would get him to his dad’s place about 30 minutes before dad gets home.

Charlie still takes naps some days because he gets home from school exhausted. He generally uses his time at my house to eat (doesn’t eat at school during the day), rest, watch TV, basically chill out before doing homework. If he rode the bus for an hour and a half each day he would not get this relaxation time that he really needs. This change in his routine would be very hard for him to adjust to, not to mention the harm it would cause to his school-work.

I took a while to think and pray about this and then I had to make one of the hardest decisions. I had to say no to Heather.

Holly - Daze

Holly - Daze -- that period after Thanksgiving but before Christmas.

Just a note about Thanksgiving... It was really nice. My not-ex picked me up to go to his mom's place for dinner. We got there and dinner was not started but that was ok... My dad and Charlie arrived with the Ham, that got put in the oven. We played some Apples to Apples (awesome game), actually about 100 hands of the game. Then the ham was about done. Carrots and Cauliflower were turned on, candied sweet potatoes put in the oven, ham taken out and carved. Rolls were put in the oven to warm... Dinner was very delish. After dinner a game of UNO was enjoyed by one and all.

I went to my dad's after dinner, and we sat around watching TV for the evening.

Friday after we slept in, got up and went to Hometown Buffet with my brother and his lady and her son. We ate, dinner again was delish and better yet, the restaurant was nearly empty...

We got home and started playing Totally 80s Trivial Persuit... very very frustrating. 2 boys who are teens and don't even know what the 80's were, my dad who was in his 40's and barely remembers that era, and 3 of us who THOUGHT we knew EVERYTHING 'bout the 80's and DON'T.

After getting headaches from TP, we played dominoes... mucho bueno!

It was a great Thanksgiving weekend.

and it was

IN HIS LOVING ARMS

Where is the stink coming from????

For the past week or so there is a stink in my room... and I don't know where it is coming from.

If you know me and my ways, you may not be surprised by this admission. I have been living in this apartment and still have packed boxes stacked around my room. Not to mention the other stuff that is piles on and around these stacks of boxes.

At first I was thinking "maybe the cat barfed somewhere and I just haven't found it yet" ... nope, doesn't smell like ABC cat food. Then I was thinking the smell was like mold... mildew... maybe a pipe is leaking in the walls and it is permeating thru the room.

So I started walking around the room, sniffing, sniffing, sniffing, not being able to pin-point where the smell is coming from. Every time I thought I got close, I would go in for the down to the wire sniff, getting my nose into the item/area ... but everything was smelling ok... or if not ok, not moldy anyways.

Then I was thinking that something in one of the boxes was molding. I fought that idea for a few days because the obvious result of that thought was that I would need to unpack those boxes in order to find the offensive item.

With nothing on T.V. last night I decided to start in on a couple of the boxes that I thought held more promise. They had things like books (can get musty smelling) as well as some expired diet pills (smelled nasty when they were new). So, I started in. I didn't find anything that was really stinky. Ended up finding a couple of things that I had given up as long lost. Borders and PetSmart discount tags on an old set of car keys (car that died over a year ago); old wallet with expired credit cards and the full size discount cars of the aforementioned stores, along with other assorted things. Threw out the expired pills; found a bag of make up that is not more than 1.5 years old (need to throw those away too but have to sort them out first); couple of shirts I had forgotten about, TV owners manual... you know JUNK basically.

All in all I got rid of two large boxes that didn't need to be sitting around in my apartment. (2 down 20 more to go!)

But, still, I didn't find the stink.

After hauling the boxes to the trash bins, I came back in the room thinking "Ah Hah, got it" then walked in a little further and "NOPE STILL STINKY" ... then I sprayed some Bath and Bodyworks room deodorizer and went into the other room to read my book. No more looking tonight. The smell won't kill me, I have lived with worse.

This morning I went into my closet to look for a warm shirt to wear today. In order to get to the closet I had to move the portable floor fan and a hamper. They were blocking the closet so the cat won't go in it and get cat hair all over my clothing. Yes, the cat can open the closet doors even thought they are sometimes difficult for me to open... and looked down towards my feet. I have a air freshner plugged into the outlet right by the closet that I had forgotten about and noticed it was out of the scented oil it uses. So, I have the replacments in the closet and put a new one in.

As I was changing the oil, I noticed the old wick was kinda smelly. I guess when I get home tonight I will find out if that was it. Maybe the air freshner was making the air nastier because it was reminding me to change it???? Maybe there has always been this stink in my room but I have been covering it up with air freshner?????? I don't know. Something to ponder.

In His Loving Arms.

For Heather

My friend Heather told me that I needed to add something to my blog as it has been so long since I have... so this is just for you Heather.

I really don't know what to write so I will tell you about the horrible thing that Heather has done.

Heather has become an AVON represenetative and so far I have bought a lot of make up. For me, who does not wear it, any make up would be a lot. I have bought lipstick, which I generally do wear, as well as foundation powder, blush, eyeshadows, and the kicker: ANEW face lotion.

I still have not worn make up since buying all this, except maybe two or three days. I hope that as the holidays come closer that I will get more in the spirit of the season and wear some face paint, but I really doubt it.

But, at least I have some fresh, new colors, and the ANEW FACE lotion. $34 and hasn't yet made me look 21, instead of the rapidly approaching 41.

As an aside -- Happy Birthday Ginger!!

Always, in HIS loving arms...

Charlies 17th Birthday

Well, just to update the last time I posted when things were bad...

Some people that were picked for the new job at work backed out, and so I am on the new team and start training next week. The first group that is training says it is filled with a lot of technical things and quite intense, and it sounds great to me so far.

Charlie and I went to Great America and had a great time. I made him take his iPod along so that I could have some quite time to read on the 3 hr train ride to Santa Clara. He only talked about half the time. Praise be to GOD!! People who know Charlie know what I mean!!!!!

I think the walk from the train station to the entry of G.A. was a bit longer than the .3 mile that one web-site mentioned, but it was still not too bad. The weather was great that day, low 80's and breezy. The park didn't have any shows but they have plenty of rides to go on. They only had a few school groups at the park that day and not much else. I was so relieved, I had crowded parks. The longest time we had to wait was for INVERTIGO and that was maybe 15 minutes.

Click here to see the parks Thril Rides.

The first ride of the day was Top Gun which was awesome. I have to tell you I love rides that go fast, upside down, round and round. But, sometimes my body doesn't. They have a ride called VORTEX and that one has a restraint system that makes you feel like you have gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, boxed about the head, ear torn off, etc.

The ride that Charlie likes the most I think was Drop Zone. I remember going on it 20 years ago, they have changed the ride a little bit but same basic... go up, and freefall down. Description of this one is: Experience the rush of gravity as you descend 22 stories in less than four seconds on the DROP ZONE Stunt Tower, one of the tallest and most intense free-fall rides in the world. Hold on tight as your vehicle coasts down the 224-foot tower in complete safety.

Charlie was loving it, and went on probably 8 times during the day. I went on about 4 times. I don't know why. I am terrified of heights and this ride just emphasized that. Each time I got to the top I started thinking "oh God, why did I come up here!?! Oh, please get me down and don't let me do this again....... AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH..." I scream all the way down each time. 4 seconds seems forever yet not long enough.

Charlie never screams, I don't think he ever makes a noise, just holds on tight, then when the ride is over wobbles on unsteady feet, then gets back in the line to do it again.

He was starting to really feel tired around 5pm but wanted to go on Top Gun again, so we crossed the park and he made the ride 2x's more before we left. I sat and read my book, in the shade and drinking a PowerAde. When he was done, we went to one of the shops and bought little souviner's for the day, and started walking to the train station.

We had an hour to wait for the train, and Charlie was quite restless and moody because he was exhausted. The train was promptly there at 7:27p, and Charlie was asleep or at least dozing off right away.

I would say it was a GREAT (AMERICAN) DAY!! HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY CHARLIE!!!!!

Sometimes life just sucks...

Suck #1 --
Yesterday I rode the bus to work because I attend Taize prayer services at St Francis Catholic Church (26th & K) and I didnt want to ride home then quickly get to the bus to get to the church on time... I was able to get a friend to drive me from work to 4th and J where I was meeting Charlie and taking the next bus to the church. We got home around 830 and I found that my bike had a flat tire and would not hold air... again... so, today I again rode the bus.

Suck #2 -- I was told last week that my car (broken and dead) in the parking lot of my work since October, needs to be moved within this week. I haven't contacted any one about it yet and when I went to the car found that it would not turn over, battery is DEAD.

Suck #3 -- While opening the car found a couple of wasp/hornet/yellow-jacket nests in 1. the frame of the drivers door, and 2. the engine area.

Suck #4 -- BEING DUMB and trying to remove the nests with a twig, a very very short and flimsy twig.

Suck #5 -- Being stung by one of the little buggers on my wrist, not once as I originally thought, but twice; looks a little like a vampire attacked my wrists.

Good #1 -- Not allergic to said bites !!! like my father and brother are... can I say an AMEN?!? Yes, I can.. AMEN!!!

Suck #6 -- Being passed over for a new work group at my job. I am on an attendance warning, and tho 5-6 people who were chosen are also on warning, I have more seniority than any of them, and I have not gotten a good excuse why I was not chosen. If they can explain it to me, I would accept it but they are hemming and hawwing and not answering the question... other than that they had their CRITERIA and I didnt fit it. So, I say let me know the criteria so that I can IMPROVE myself.. no answer to that yet either.

Good #2 -- Charlie turns 17 !!!! TOMORROW I am going to surprise him with a great birthday trip. We are going to be up and on a Bus by 6a.m, then Amtrak to Santa Clara and we are going to GREAT AMERICA!

PLEASE GOD PROVIDE ME WITH STRENGTH, PATIENCE AND CALM, I am really in need of these right now...

IN HIS LOVING ARMS ALWAYS, EVEN WHEN LIFE SUCKS!!!

Falling off the Bike

I didn't want to post this earlier because of the damage, from my pride. Two weeks ago I mis-calculated and turn and fell off my bike. I was crossing at the overpass on Truxel going over I-80, and I had to get across two lanes of traffic which was entering the freeway. I waited for a clear spot in the traffic and went for it... got across the road ok but then hit the curb of the sidewalk. I didn't turn the wheel sharp enough and it caught up on it and I went tumbling.

Now, I don't know if you can picture it but after the sidewalk is the slope of a hill that goes from the top of the overpass down to the freeway. I thought for a second that I would be rolling down the hill but I didnt.. luckily. And, better yet, I don't think anyone saw me fall. I popped back up, brushed off and continued on my way. I bit later my elbow was stinging and I looked down to see a scratch from mid-forearm to the eblow itself, and it was bleeding a little. It was basically roadrash, but no other injuries, (excepts my ego).

It was kind of funny because earlier that day I was talking with my supervisor Deborah about where to find my body if I don't show up for a few days. This was one of the two worrisome spots in my ride home. The other was on the OTHER side of the freeway. I must have jinxed myself or something. It was actually a little funny, and I can laugh at myself about it now. I still worry about those areas but am a little more cautious now.

And, as always,

I remain in His Loving Arms

Sitting on a Bus Bench....

Remeber the old Jethro Tull song Aqualung?...

Sitting on a park bench --
eyeing little girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose --
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Drying in the cold sun --
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Feeling like a dead duck --
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

Well, I have that first line going thru my head when I am SITTING ON THE BUS BENCH...

Last week I went to the store down the road, I take the bus there and then home again loaded down with my purchases.

While sitting there last week, it was dark already, and I was playing my cell phone.. you know like video games on the phone? and this car slows down as it passes by. This is nothing strange in and of itself because there is the turn into the grocery center right there, but this one stopped before the turn off.

I didn't pay much attention, figured they needed directions or a job flyer that was in the boxes by the bench. Two women approached me saying "Hi, my name is Sister So-And-So, and this is Sister Whats-Her-Name. We are missionaries with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Have you heard about our church, we would like to share with you."

I barely looked up from my phone, shook the woman's hand, and politely told her "Thanks but I have a church, have a nice night." They smiled, sort of, a little, grumbled a little, got back in their car and drove on to find the next lost person to convert.

As the women got in their car to people approached the bench and asked "what did they want?" and I told them, "They were going to tell me about their church, but I told them I have one already. I don't need a church. I NEED A CAR."

I sort of sat there the next 10-15 minutes til the bus came, chuckling to myself every few moments thinking about what I must look like sitting there for these two women to take the time and "save" this poor, pathetic women sitting there. I was dressed my usual style, which some have said resembles a bag-lady at times, jeans and shirt, I think I was actually wearing a nice new sweater that night; tennis shoes complete my outfit. I never wear make up, and my hair is very "wash and dry" friendly.

I was wondering if they stopped at every occupied bus stop, even the ones with the OBVIOUS homeless people, ones with the carts full of their possesions, multiple layers of clothing, ratty hair with the beanie pulled low, muttering to themselves. Do they stop and talk with the kind of men who are represented in the Jethro Tull song?? Or do they just stop and talk with the ones who are not quite as scary?? The maybe not homeless people but "look at that poor thing sitting on the bench" type of people.

The kids when I said the women were talking church wondered if they cared so much, maybe they should have asked me if they could give me a ride home??? I chuckled at that too.

BTW - out of the past 15 days that I could have ridden my bike to work I have done so 11 days!! Whoo-pee!! That's 66 miles in 3 weeks

I forever remain,
In His Loving Arms

Day 5 and counting....

Today was the 5th day biking to work in the past 8 days!! 3 miles each direction x 2 ways x 5 days = 30 miles biked so far!!

I actually made it up the overpass on the way home today, without stopping to walk, but I had a strong north wind blowing behind me. I am still counting that as a great challenge overcome, at least for today.

Yesterday on the way home I had to do the old "Make Note to Self" thingy about eating then biking. I stopped at Qdoba and got a burrito, chips and salsa, and a couple glasses of tea, for dinner. This was about at my half way point and I figured, why not, I haven't tried their food yet and I am right here... so I ate...

Then I rode...

Not so comfy on the belly doing that... So, next time, and yes there will be a next time, I will have to either eat less, or eat and then wait for a while looking in shops or something, before getting on the bike.

I have to say that my knees are still feeling a bit blown out, hurts to walk, but I know the old adage --no pain no gain--?? Is it worth it? I suppose if I keep it up it will be, as I have been told that the pain the knees will deminish, especially if the fat goes. Biking hopefully will make this happen.

---------

A friend/co-worker saw me leaving work yesterday and asked me why I was riding my bike. I had to explain to him that my car broke down months ago and I have been riding the bus, but with the weather clearing up decided to ride my bike. He asked if I was lookinng to buy a car because he saw one at the tow-shop the other day for a decent price. I told him "Actually, I stopped looking for a car. The price of gas, insurance, registration, and maintenance is too much now"

Something to think about....

Biking...

I have finally had my son fix my bike tire... yes I know I should learn how to do it myself... but I am not ready to be that independant yet!

Last week I rode it to work three days. Let me first say that on Monday last week I was late for work because the first bus that I take did not show and the 2nd was 30 mins after that one was suppose to pick me up. So, I was late to work! The down side of riding the bus I guess.

So, Monday night Charlie fixed the tire and on Tuesday and Wednesday I rode to work. My tushy was very sore and my knees felt like I had been doing the long jump for a week. The ride is about 3 miles each way and I only have one freeway overpass to trudge up. Tuesday morning was the only time that I actually RODE all the way up without stopping and walking the bike up. I figure that one of these days I will be conditioned enough to do it on a regular basis, but I'm not ready for that quite yet.

I took Thursday off as a rest my tush day and almost talked myself out of the ride on Friday, but forced myself. I did a tug of war with myself mentally in order to do it though. I ended up waiting until I knew my bus had come and gone and then I had to ride in order to get to work on time!! But I did it.

This morning -- Monday -- I rode again. I walked the bike over the freeway and made the 3 mile ride in 24 minutes. I timed myself this time. I am not in a hurry to get to work as I give myself plenty of time, but I am going to start keeping track in order to see if I do better. I noticed this morning I was not huffing and puffing like I had last week, so that is a definate sign of progress.

I am kinda worried that with summer coming along I will say "it's too HOT to ride my bike" but I am going to force myself to ride to work when it is cool, then I will HAVE to ride in order to get home, in the heat. Good plan? I will find out soon, as the temp is surely rising as we get closer to June.

On another note, we are getting closer to June. That means my baby will be turning 17!! argh... Is it possible ?? Thank God that he has not passed his drivers test, the written one anyways. I am dreading him driving, and dreading the cost of him driving more so.

Prayers please that he will NOT pass when he takes the test again this coming Saturday! <>

For ever leaning on His loving arms...

Friends or Not??

I always have questions going thru my brain about who is my friend and who is not. I know it sounds a bit juvenile but there it is. I tell myself that things like that really do not matter, but you know what? THEY DO.

I work in a call center and talk to hundreds of people a week and it amazes me how many people do not have anyone they feel they can turn to, to ask a favor.

So, I put myself in that postion.

• If I need to borrow a cup of sugar.. who would I call?
• If I need to borrow a car...who would I call?
• If I need to cry on a shoulder... who would I call?
• If I need a ride to the doctor, or store, or just home on a pouring down rain day... who would I call?

That then leads into the question... If I call, would they come? **Similar to the "If you build it, they will come"**

Then there is the question of, if they are my friend, and know I need something, would they just offer without my asking?

I bring all this up because the past couple days have been rainy. Monday it was raning in the morning and beautiful when I left work. I was a bit wet when I arrived to work, that was ok. I didn't mind the wait for the bus in the afternoon because it was gorgeous. Yesterday, Tuesday, it was nice in the morning, and POURING when I left work. I don't like to ask for a ride too often, and the people I usually would ask have recently shown they are friends/acquantances, but not friend/friends...

So, I was waiting to see if either one would think to say... Gee it is pouring, I should see if Michelle needs a ride home today. Neither offered, and both drove by me as I was walking in the downpour to the bus stop.

So.... there I am with this question going thru my brain...

Murder in the Burbs

This past Tuesday I got home from work and then set out for the grocery store. I was to catch the 5:50 bus #86 which would take me the few miles to the store. No trouble, the bus was a few minutes late but that was ok. I did a few stretches and curb-steps. Got on the bus and went to the store.

Now, mind you, I cant get a lot at the store because I have to carry what I get. The actual shopping took about 20 minutes total, standing in line about 7 more. I walked out to the bus stop. As I got closer the bus pulls up... I began to rush more because I was almost there, and if I missed the bus I would have to wait another 30 mins for the next one. Luckily the driver saw me and was kind enough to wait. Some don't. I climbed the steps, dropped my bags and hurried to find my bus pass in my bag... thanking the driver the whole time. Then I sat with a plop in the first seat. Luck was also on my side that the bus was not full of people and I did not have to search for a seat with all my bags.

I then organized the groceries. Put most of the items into my backpack/purse/bag thing. It is just easier to carry the load on my back rather than hanging from my arms.. Sigh.. I was ready to get home.

The bus was almost to my stop, I had just pulled the bell signalling my stop as next and I want to get off. The bus slowed in front of the complex. The stop is the next complex. I heard the bus driver say "What's going on????" Then I looked out the front window of the bus and ...

The entire road was blocked off with police cars, emergency vehicles of all sorts. Lights flashing, flares burning in the road. People sort of milling about. I told the driver I could just get off here because he was right in front of my apartments. I gathered my things and left the bus, looking towards the police vehicles, etc.

There was a security guard (for my complex) standing at the entry gate. I asked him "What happen? Did someone get hit by a car?"... this was the first thing that popped into my mind because there are always kids (and adults like me) who run back and forth from one side of the road to the other. And the cars fly down the road well over the posted speed limits.

The guard answered "No someone got shot."
"Oh ... My... God... " I answered, "are they hurt bad?"
"Yeah, dead."
"Was it a drive-by?"
"Don't know.. but there were about 8-10 shots fired, and he was dead when the police arrived"

I was a bit freaked out. I was gone for about 30-35 minutes, and someone got shot while I was at the store, and he was shot in pretty much the location I was standing for the bus. I walked quickly to the apartment and asked Charlie if he had heard any gun-shots. He hadn't but he listens to his music/tv loudly. I told him what was going on. He was on the phone with Grandma at the time and I grabbed his phone, told her what was going on, and asked her to check the tv to see if I had anything on it, because it was 630 and local news was on. She said nothing reported on the news about it yet.

Well, turns out the person who got shot was a 17-year-old kid. This boy went to school with my son, was in a class with him last year. Charlie knew him but not too well. The newspapers say that he was on the football team. Charlie said the rumor at school was that this boy had been in a few fights recently. Don't know what about or why, and that really does not matter anyways... Charlie said that apparently someone he had been in a fight with had shot him, other rumors were that the other kids father shot him... I don't know if anyone has been arrested or not.

My big concern here is our youth are not handling things. They have stress and problems in their life the way adults do, and maybe even more so. Charlie is always talking about revenge. We see it on tv. We read it in books. But, I always tell Charlie.. the answer is not in revenge. It doesn't solve anything but makes things worse. I tell him it is ok to be mad, angry, pissed.. but that he needs to deal with it because not everything in life is great, wonderful, perfect; he needs to deal with things as a child because he will need to know how to deal with the same type of things as an adult. AND REVENGE IS NOT THE ANSWER. It can only hurt others and yourself.

I wondered last night as I was talking with my dad about it if the person who fired that gun is feeling guilt and remorse. How is that person living with the fact that he took the easy road by pulling that trigger and killed another human being. It was a swift, probably in the heat of the moment, decision. What is he thinking about now, after the fact? Does he now regret the actions that will alter his life completly and has already altered the lives of so many others.

Not only did his actions hurt the person that he killed. It affected that persons family and friends. It hurt the neighborhood, schools and businesses nearby. It hurt the city and state and even the country. It is another wound of history. It may have only received a few short paragraphs in the local paper, and none in "world news"... but the affects are like that of throwing a rock in a puddle... It ripples and vibrates...

.... In His Loving Arms

Knitting

I have been knitting a new afghan/lap robe. I started it in one pattern/stitch which I really like, but I got bored with it after a while.... So, I got out my Encylopedia of Needlework and found another easy stitch that I could incorporate... So I have 44 rows of the first pattern, then about 30 rows of the new pattern, then it goes back and forth... I really like the way it looks!

I have been making a lot of afghans in the past few months. It is nice to do on a cold day/evening. I crochet as well as knit. I have completed 3 and currently working on 2 others. I have given 2 away already. I don't know what I will do with the ones that I am working on or the 1 that has been finished already. Thinking about building up stock and sell them at craft shows next Christmas, but I like to give them away too much!!!... I love to see the faces of those who are getting them. The true appreciation on their faces is worth more than any money in the world. But..... I would like to sell some and see if I can turn a little profit!

Knitting and Crocheting,
In His Loving Arms

Holy Attitudes

I went to a new Bible study last night, at my new church. There were about 15 women there. We were not the only group meeting in the church last night, but were one of 4 groups total. One was another church group, one was a praise team practicing their music and the other was an Al Anon. Our group was being talkative and apparently loud. One woman from another group came and shut the door, explaining that we were noisy. She was not rude or having any bad attitude.

A couple of the women in my Bible group grumbled about "we were here first" meaning "it is OUR church and you are here by our grace" ... the other woman had already shut the door, so this was not said to her face. I still felt awkward about the grumbles. The situation was repeated to others who had missed out on it.

Our regional minister a few months ago addressed "Holy Attitudes/Manners" addressing this sort of attitude. I was one of the people who was "singled out", not by name but by deed and I recognized myself in it and so I have been trying to adjust myself accordingly. I felt very awkward indeed, but kept silent. There was also a lot of other bits of tension in the group. I don't know if I will be going there again. Maybe I will give it another try next month and see if things are different.

In His Loving Arms

The Jagged Edge

Well, this past Sunday, after church during Fellowship I was eating a donut hole. Just your ordinary chocolate donut hole. It was nice and soft and chocolatly. Then I hear a crunch sound! There are walnuts in this donut?? So, I fish the "walnut" out and find to my surprise it is part of one of my teeth. In fact, as I have learned today, my tooth #19.

This is a tooth that has been giving me just a little bit of tenderness for a few years now. I had a cavity which was filled about 30 years ago and I guess it was worn out. My tooth cracked at the gum line and just broke off. No prob thought I. Same thing happened with the matching molar on the right side of my mouth a few years ago. Got that one fitted with a temporary crown and in a couple weeks when the new, permanent crown came in, I was good as new.

Well, Monday I went to the local dentist that I have been planning on setting an appt with sometime soon anyways. No, appt just figured it was kinda an emergency. Took the day off work and everything. Big mistake. The dentist was not expected to be in until the afternoon, may be able to fit me in, so come back after 1. So, I took the bus to work and checked my emails, checked with my insurance (new year new plans), got all the information to put on the stack of forms that I got from the dentists office. I took the bus back to the dentist.

I walked into the office and a different person was behind the counter, so I explained that I had been in earlier and was told to come back this afternoon. She said yes she was told, and sorry but the doctors morning "meeting" ran longer than expected and he has cancelled all of the appts scheduled for the afternoon and the next avail appt would not be until Wed. morning 9am. Would that be ok? Well, really what choice did I have, I made the appt. I took Tuesday off and then Wed (today) also. Seemed like a good thing to do as the jagged edge of the filling is cutting into my tongue.

Went back to the Dentist this morning, my how things have changed since I last went to a dentist (has been about 2 years). Everything is computerized. The xray machine used a sensor instead of film and the xray showed right on the computer monitor just seconds after being taken. The informational computerized lesson about the new xray system says that it emits 90% less radiation than the old type, plus does not harm the atmostphere with any harsh chemical products.

Then the dentist came in a took a look at my mouth with an oral camera. Took a lot of pictures of different angles which he placed in a file on the computer. Told me to smile even for the camera and put that there for me to look at. He showed me a couple other computerized lessons about old fillings and how they usually only lasted about 10 years (remember mine are 30 years old), and how with heat/cold they expand/contract within the tooth, and allow bacteria etc to get into the tooth and eventually will cause more decay and tooth failure.

One of the lessons was about the new technology which allows the dentist to take a computer picture of the toothsite and get accurate measurements for a crown; explained how the crown was made completely in another machine; was adhered to the bone in the mouth, etc.

Oh, yeah another lesson was about the oral camera. After each of the "lessons" the doctor proudly said "What do you think about THAT!?!?!?" I must say I was very impressed, and getting more and more worried about the cost of this little visit. I was already told it would be about $1,100 (my yearly dental max is $1,500).

After looking at my mouth for a couple minutes I was told that because my tooth broke off at the gum line there is nothing to adhere the crown to and I need a procedure called "crown lengthening" but would have to go to another Doctor for that process. I was given a referral slip and told that the other office was just a quick walk away. I was also given the impression that I would be able to have the procedure done today and then get the crown fitted etc.

NOT! I filled out a registration form (everything is on computers or stylus) and was told I can sit down and wait for my consultation. The office I was sitting in was for "Surgical Arts"-- the doctor apparently does a lot of cosmetic surgury, but also oral surgury/dentistry -- molars removed, tmj, and crown lengthening" !! But, if I ever want to get liposuction or a breast augmentation, now I know where to go!

I waited about an hour or so before talking with the doctor, a very nice man and he looked in my mouth, explained the procedure, took heath background notes, and then had me sign a release form which explained the hazards of oral surgury. The release form was also computerized, with a stylus contraption.

Then I was able to make an appt for NEXT WEDNESDAY (oh they close at 330 at this office) for the latest appointment which is 230pm. I also found out that my insurance covers only about $150 of the surgury and my out-of-pocket will be about $360. I had to pay $14 for my portion of the consulation. I don't know what amount will be paid by insurance for the actual crown and dental appointment for earlier today, etc. Luckily I have some money that I put aside for Charlie's orthodontic work, which will be coming up soon.

After I left the Surgical Arts office I walked back to the dentists office and let them know my appt for the lengthening is next week and so when can I come in for the crown. They said that I would have to wait about 2 weeks after before I could get the crown made/fitted. So, that appt is scheduled for Jan 31. Sigh.... this has been a really long and draining week already, and now I have to wait another 3 weeks with this jagged edge in my mouth. But, I am sure it will be lovely to look at when it is done.

I think that I will have the Doctor take a picture of the final crown so that I can frame it and put it on the wall. It will be a work of art worth about $1,750 when all is said and done.

But, as always I am....

In His Loving Arms

Oxygen

Just a generalized blog today... a thought I have been thinking...

About a year or so ago I was watching the news... The reporter was talking with an elderly man who had a disease like bronchitis or emphysema. The man with all seriousness said that he was told that he should have an oxygen canister to take around with him so that he can get enough oxygen... he refused.

His reason?? -- He did not want to get "hooked" on the stuff.

Unbelievable but true.

Now, I am all for the intent behind the statement, not wanting to be "hooked" on drugs or alcohol, but seriously, I am really, really glad that I am "hooked" on oxygen.

Think of the alternative... !!

40th Birthday

Sunday I turned 40... this has been a traumatic year for me and I was really NOT happy to be 40... never have I felt so traumatized by a year, and I have always felt people who worry about their age to be, well, truthfully... STUPID. or at least crazy!!~

So, it was with a great deal of trepidation that I approached the dreaded day. Thursday a couple of my co-workers decorated my desk (last year it was done after my birthday) and I was pleased. Friday, two other co-workers gave me gifts... things they had in their desks, re-gifting -- but that they though to give me something almost makes me cry, even while I am writing this tears are forming... one gift was three beautiful bracelets, and the other is a Kings lapel pin...

Friday night Ginger and I went to Girls Night Out at Table of Grace church in Elk Grove and had a great night of fellowship, and meeting new people

Saturday my son fixed my bike so that I can ride it to work if I feel like it, and he had to do it twice because the first time he pumped the tires up too much and one burst. He went to Walmart twice for me... then we went riding in the dark, after he replaced the tube for the 2nd time.

My dad surprised me at church by showing up. We had arranged to go to lunch after church, he said he had to read scripture at Fairview, and I was joing FCC Sacramento. He got to FCC before church to surprise me and spend the day together. We went to Red Lobster and had lunch and he took me to the store to stock up on things that I cant buy/carry from the corner store.

I had a really good Birthday... and the sky did not fall!

In His Loving Arms

Updates

Last night my son's father called him and told him that he had found a place to live that was in town. The place, thankfully, is across town and not in the complex I live in. However now the question is .... will Charlie move in with his father or stay living with me? Charlie really wants to live with dad and I understand that. There are times that I really want him to, but I know his fathers history, and it has not been great. Charlie now is thinking about if he will have to change schools, etc. I did let him know that if he lived with his dad that he can still go to school where he is at, as dad will have to drive that direction to get to work anyways... Don't know if he is happy with this information or not.

Also, last night Charlie and I walked to the corner corner shopping center and had dinner at the Round Table there. We also checked at the grocery store and bike shop for a bike pump. Charlie had a few guys who were hanging around the place say hello to him and give him the "head nod" hello. He did say hello back but then he wanted to be no where around his mom, too embarrassed to be seen in public with MOM! I found it quite amusing.

On another note, after reading my blog about falling one of my friends called me up and asked if I wanted a ride home yesterday. I was grateful. She asked to remain anonymous. She even got off work 30 minutes before I did and waited around til I was off work! So nice.!! Thank you!

My supervisor also lives near me and offered to give me a ride when she was able. This morning she saw me standing at the bus stop and stopped for me. That is a savings of $2.25 each time I don't have to ride the bus! Plus, more importantly, a savings of over 30 minutes bus riding and walking from the stops!

See things work out. And as the song that was playing in the car this morning says Can't give up... Can't give in... I don't have permission from God to quit.

Always reminded that I am

In HIS Loving Arms...

walking is difficult

I fell this morning, walking from the bus stop to work.
I was stepping up on a curb, it was wet, my feet were wet and I mis-stepped a bit short of the actual spot which would have been ok.
My foot slipped off the curb and I went down like a huge tree on my left side. You should have seen me pop back up. I didn't know that I could move that fast on my own!
Now I ache all over... I hate beening physically dysfunctional, and old (40 in 19 days)... yuck!
Other than that, I am doing ok.

Lemons/Lemonade?

I have been trying to make Lemonade from lemons. If you know the saying then you don't need an explanation, however for those who don't know it: When life gives you a lemons, make lemonade = take the bad stuff you have been given and make a happy face, turn things around and make the bad into good.

There are certainly days when I feel like I just cant go on with life. Those are the days that I don't get out of bed, don't get dressed, don't want to go to work or church, certainly don't want to interact with any other people, especially any people who are either happy or sad, doesn't matter... you get my drift? I know that I am not the only one in the world with depression nor am I in this alone.

I luckily have God and I know that God understands and will wait for me on those days, with his arms outstreched, waiting for me to turn to him and let him take my burdens and worries. I just have to get use to holding my hands out, open my clenches fists (and jaw) and unburden myself, giving my troubles to Him.

Now, people are a bit less understanding, don't understand why I have the need to curl up in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep, or lay in bed playing PSP games. I don't have to think about things when I am doing both of these. I can be blessedly unaware of life around me.

I have been moving, and while I know that not many people actually like to move, I really hate it. I have boxes that have not been unpacked in probably 10 years, or have been unpacked and repacked into newer, more sturdy boxes. I think I hate unpacking way more than I do packing. So, after a week of being in my new apartment, I have not done much. I have unpacked what needs to be for the moment, getting by with little rather than a lot. I have been told that when I am ready I will unpack and get organized. I don't really know when I will be ready, but I am sure "they" are right.

Please keep me in your prayers.

I am forever and ever,

In His Loving Arms

Moving on...

Well, I have applied for and been accepted to move into an apartment complex which is near work and school.

I still don't have a car, but I have a bike, and the apartment is on the bus route. I figure that I can make it work out for me. Others feel like I really have to have a car to survive. I admit it scares me to think how will I get things done, like going to the doctor, or grocery shopping. I am close enough to the store, not my first choice of store but it will work, to walk. I told my dad that I would have to buy a "bag lady cart".. one that I can put my groceries in and wheel home behind me! He said he has one in the garage at his house that I can use. He said it worriedly. (is that even a word?)

I figure that I have family and friends and they will be able to come over and visit me every once in a while, right? I could then have them help me out with larger shopping excursions, like when I need to get Cat Litter and Cat Food.

It is going to be really touch and go though. I am a compulsive shopper normally, and so this move will help me in that, because I would not be able to buy what I could not get home. This is a good thing because with having to pay rent, gas, electric, etc. I will not have much money to buy things with anyways.

Charlie is already talking about where he can get a job at, and how far it would be for him to ride his bike to. He really is eager to start working, so that he can fix up his VW which is currently sitting idle at grandpa's house. I think I will have to get it registered and moved to the apt complex, that way I will at least have a car handy if needed.

The one thing that I am really nervous about is the fact that Charlie's father is now talking about getting an apartment in the same complex. I really don't want him that close. If he lives in another complex in the area that would be fine by me but I really don't want him in the SAME complex. Is that horrible of me or ?? But, at least that way Charlie would be able to see him, which is not really happening right now.

I have taken the day off work in order to pack things at my Dad's house, and also to hopefully go "in search of... " a sofa and living room furniture. If you may recall I got rid of pretty much everything when I moved out of my house. I reallllllly want to get a new bed for myself and one for Charlie too. Charlie said he does not want a new bed, he likes his bed and is excited to be able to sleep in his old bed again... but I think that at 16 he needs to at least have a full size bed. I would like to get him one of those Captain Storage type beds with the drawers under it for storage? Hopefully to keep stuff off of the floor of his room. Actually I wouldn't mind having one of those myself.

I really want a bed that has a new mattress. I have not had a "new" bed in, like, forever. When I first moved out of my dad's place when I was 17 I used an old bed, don't know where from. Then when I moved to Orange County I slept on the old couch for a while, then when Sonny and I moved into an apartment I bought a king size bed from a yard sale in the complex. The next bed we got from friends from Church when they got their new bed... and that one I am still using. I wake up aching and in pain because it is so horrible at this point. I want to spend a decent amount of money and get a Therapedic?? The kind that will form to your body and releave pressure points "for a better night's sleep."

Ok, I am now just rambling on about everything, so I really need to get going and move some more stuff out of the storage unit. That unit costs $85/month. Once I get it cleaned out --cha-ching-- money in the pocket (or for rent and food etc).

In His Ever-Lasting, Loving Arms

sigh

i think i mentioned that my car died... it will take more money to fix it than i paid for it in the first place, so i will not be fixing it.. therefore as that was the way that i was able to get to and from work etc, i need to either 1) find a new very cheap car or 2) find a place to live that is close to work and Charlies school.... trbl with all that is the same trbl with my life, bad credit... i have applied for an apt. which is right across the street from the school and only a few miles from work, thinking that i could either ride the bus or my bike.. however they turned down my application.. so now $30 less in my account, i have to look for another apt... my hopes have been dashed and i am very frustrated with my life...i told charlie today that we will have to register his vw bug so that i could drive it.. he then lamented the rest of the drive into town over the fact that it is his car, his dad would not want me to drive it, he is never going to get his drivers permit or licence... and that he is therefore the laughingstock of life bec he is going to be over 17 before he can drive HIS CAR...

sigh...

remaining firm in
Jesus' loving arms

Children's Church

Yesterday I really did not want to wake up and go to church. Friday evening I had already decided that this was going to be a sleep in til noon BOTH days weekend. Then when I got home I had a "gift" from Ginger. It was the children's church program book and dvd for Sunday. I had totally forgotten that I had agreed to lead it this week because Ginger was going to her cousin's baby shower.

So, I put it in my room to look at later. Saturday was later and I went thru the booklet for the October 8th lesson and it gives a lot of different options to do, ranging from the ages of 5-13. I picked out a couple of things that would work well with the children that have been coming to church recently.

None of them showed. The only children were Ginger's and they are much above the age range material that I picked out, but oh well, I was going to stick with those items. I did lose their interest a bit and while I think they did learn from the lesson, I know they were not there completely, especially towards the end of the 45 mins we had. I had at that point put on the DVD portion, and lost them, because I did not have a remote control for the DVD playter. I had to search thru the disc to find the 2 parts of the lesson. We only watched the one "station" once, and it was boring even to me.. the kids played with their blocks, building Bible story towns.

The song came on for the lesson "Jesus is the Messiah" done to a rock tune, and the youngest child did start singing the song and wiggling himself about a little. But, the older one was not acting like he even heard the song.

I must say they did put together a great block city. And they like the conversation cube activity -- a paper die with questions on each side. It was good until a question that had already been answered came up... then that went to the side of the table too. I tried, but I am really not a great teacher, not very exciting. But, we made it thru, and maybe they learned something new today... I can hope so.

In His Loving Arms

Death of a Car

My car died this morning. Actually not all the way. More like it has liver or kidney failure.

I was on this huge merging turn from southbound I-5 going on to eastbound I-80 in Sacramento, and hear a very loud POP. Then my car kind of lost breath, with a whoosh; my foot on the gas lowering giving the car more gas, but the car slowing and chugging. This is a very dangerous curving on/off ramp and I was more than a little scared, as cars and big-rigs were rushing by my poor car. I fumbled with the hazard lights, and tried to keep to the right, in the break-down lane.

My son said it seemed like maybe a belt had broke. The car has a serpentine belt that runs everything, and it has been changed quite recently.... thought "maybe?..." So we carefully got out of the car and checked the belt. It was fine, so we got back in the car. I didn't feel safe sitting there so, cautiously limped the car forward...crossing over an off ramp lane, continuing to go towards Charlie's school exit at Truxel.

If you have ever been in this area you know that it is dangerous at the best of times. So, with morning traffic rushing around me, I prayed a little prayer, and pressed the gas, chugging along, eventually getting over to the right lane once again (passing over two on-coming lanes of traffic). I eventually got off the freeway at Truxel and was able to pull over in a relatively safe place, right across the street from my son's school's baseball field.

We just sat there, I was trying to figure out why I even woke up this morning. I had Charlie call his father and tell him that we broke down... but Charlie just dialed and handed me the phone. I really did not want to call my estranged husband for help. Didn't really know what he could do to help me anyways, because I knew my car was dying. He actually came and looked under the hood and said he thought the trouble was with the cam-shaft (whatever that is) and lifters. I thanked him and told him he could leave me and go on to work. He did offer to drive me to work so that I would be able to call a tow truck from there. I declined and used my cell phone to call Geico, after I searched thru every paper in my glovebox more than once.

The lady at Geico was very nice and called a tow truck which came relatively quickly. I only had to wait about 20 more minutes. By this time Charlie had long gone, walked the short distance to school; I was already late for work and was able to get excused time off because it was slow. I rode to the shop (in the tow truck), that was near my work and came recommended to me.

I then walked the block or two to work, getting there around 9:00 and started work. By noon I had not heard from the shop about my car so I called them to find out the damage. I was told the transmission had blown and that the estimated repair costs would be around $3400.00, more or less.

Y-I-K-E-S

So.... I have been on the phone for my lunch and last break, calling around getting other quotes, and they are not good. So now I have to figure out if my car is worth spending the money on... There are so many other things wrong with it.

Windshield is broken, with a crack going from side to side.

Air-conditioner needs to be completely replaced -- estimate of $750.00.

Front passenger side window will not roll up (almost winter -- rained last night)... and its electric.

Front Drivers side window occastionally does the same.

My radiator is not holding water like it should and needs to be replaced... I have to check it often, because it tends to drain and I can smell the radiator water smell when sitting at a light.

I am sure there are more things but I am too tired to think of them right now...

Oh yeah, the lighter plug in shorts out and blows the fuse which operates the interior lights/automatic door locks/etc.

So, I am going to pray long and hard about my options and see what comes of it.

I am always...
In His Loving Arms.

Paul, Part 2

Well, a very exciting weekend has just passed. My friend from high school and I got together (very briefly) and saw each other for the first time since June 1984 (graduation). He was part of a function happening in town and said I could drop by and check things out if I wanted to.. I did!

I took my 16 year old son and his friend and we headed towards town. Butterflies had taken up residence in my tummy, fluttering here and there. There were actually a couple times when I thought about turning the car around and going back home or just going to a mall, anything but what I was planning... quite nervous.

We arrived around 3pm and I let the kids roam around. I looked at every tall man to see if that was Paul. I had seen a picture, which he even claimed was not the greatest, so I really didn't know who I was looking for... and there were a lot of people. Finally after about an hour I saw someone who I thought might be him, but I really didn't know for sure, and didn't want to walk up to someone and say "Hi" if it was not him.

That moment passed and I did not see that man again, he had walked into a crowd. So, I pulled up my "big girl pants" and sent a text message to his cell phone number, then waited, and waited, and waited some more. During this time my son was sending me goofy test messages, and I was getting irritated. Finally the call came that I had been waiting for. It was Paul.

He was not there. Not in the building. Sigh. But, he was on his way back, he had to leave to get something and was about 10 minutes away. He told me that his hair was shorter than in the picture I had seen, and that he now wore glasses, and that he would be coming in the front door in a few minutes.

I sat close to the front doors of the establishment, but not too close. Didn't want to look to anxious. Mind you there were people coming in and out those door, mostly kids, but every once in a while was an adult. I would look at each man as the doors opened... nope this one was too old, this one was too short, too young, wrong race, etc... Those few minutes seemed like eternity.

Finally there was Paul walking thru the doors. It was the same man from earlier who I didn't want to approach in case it wasn't him.

Big smile on both our faces we hugged and looked at each other and we both lied a bit -- saying "I would have recognized you anywhere".... 22 years is a long time, after all things are said and done. He looked great, same smile as forever.. it was just my old friend Paul!

Another man walked by, this one was a rocker dude, with a modified mohawk and Paul called him over. "Shawn, come here... do you remember Michelle?" It was a guy we went to junior high thru high school with. Wow... meeting up now with two people. It was almost overwhelming.

We had only about 20-30 minutes to talk because they were both very involved in the function going on.. and had only a few minutes to spare. We talked about people we had gone to school with... "remember (so and so), he's a judge now" ... "yeah and (girl) is a lawyer" ... "(she) is a teacher" ... They talked about a prank they pulled in their poli-sci class. We mentioned the teachers who we didn't appreciate as much at the time but who we really admired.

It was really great. I met Shawn's wife. His 15 year old daughter was somewhere around the building but I didn't meet her. I don't know if Paul's girlfriend or kids were around. I did introduce them to Charlie. It was mentioned that it was kinda weird that we have kids who are almost the age we were the last time we were all in the same room!

It was interesting that we all seemed to have felt to be on the fringes in high school. I wonder if all people feel that way about when the were in school? Anyways, they had to get back to the function, and Charlie was pulling on me to leave and get home. So, I hugged the two men and said how great it was to see them both. I suggested that we get together and maybe have a little mini-reunion/bull session. I would really like get acquainted with them again... so, will see how that all turns out.

I kick myself because I took my camera, then totally spaced having a picture taken. Like I said it was a little overwhelming, to say the least. My head is still reeling.

Picture of me

My son Charlie took this picture with my new cell phone... I had just arrived home from work, it was hot and he grabbed the phone and snapped this... so that explains the expression... argh... but I still like this pic anyways!

Paul

This past week I was sent an email from a person who was quite an impact on my youth. I have not heard from this man since we graduated from high school in 1984 -- 22 years ago!

I first met Paul when I was in 5th grade. I had moved from South Sacramento to a whole new universe ... Fulton/Fair Oaks area. We moved mid-year from the place I had lived all my life, new everything -- school, house, way of life, and of course no life-long friends. I am a reserved person even to this day, and back then my reserved nature caused me to be thought of as a Bitch even then to these new people.

Most of these people had their own cliques formed, with life-long friends, and here I was -- newcomer -- with no social skills.

I had a rough 10 years to start out with... my mother's dying in a car accident where she was the only fatality, living with my broken father, the nanny/housekeeper to raised us for 3 years, my fathers marriage to my 3rd grade teacher, the step-child hating the step-mother, and a brother who was a royal pain the ass and the cutie that never did any wrong. I was a very grown up 10 year old, tall and well-read. I did not fit in with the new school, or the new classmates.

My step-mother would kick me out of the house because I would just stay in and do homework and read books, but would not get out of the house to socialize, so she would literally lock me out of the house.

I would then get on my bike an ride around the neighborhood for hours, or to the library where I would read for hours. One of my frequent bike rides was past the cutest boys house -- I was a stalker at 10! I would hope upon hope that he would be outside and I would be able to talk with him or just see him. This was Paul.

He was also the tallest boy in school, I was the tallest girl. We would joke about who was tallest each saying "I am tallest" (I really was though!) When I was sitting on the bench during recess at school Paul would always come over and talk with me, see what I was reading, asking how I was, actually being interested in me and my life. I remember one time when I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself, crying on the sidelines, and he came over to ask what was wrong. I told him about my mother dying, making it sound like she just had, so that he would be sympathetic. He was but then when he asked when this happened and I told him it was 5 years earlier, he basically told me it was time to snap out of it, which I needed to hear at that time. Pity party cancelled!

One of the most memoriable times was Valentines day, I think it was 6th grade. Paul brought a Valentine to my house and personally delivered it. I still have that Valentine. He was my hero. I had such a crush on Paul, which I don't think was reciprocated, but I was ok with that.

Even thru jr high and high school we still had that old connection, even tho we were in different cliques. He would stop and say hi how's it going... A very special person.

So, need-less-to-say, I was extremely happy to hear from him after all this time. I have searched on-line for any mention of him, hoping he was alive and well. I have expressed an interested in getting together to talk about life, catch up on 22 years of "stuff" ... I hope that we can retain that special friendship we had 30 years ago when we first met.

In Jesus' Loving Arms...

Diet

I have started a diet. I have been overweight for the past 18 years or so, and ache in all my joints. I have tried losing weight in the past and never really have been too motivated, however this time I am. My brother and his lady have been doing the Atkins diet for a couple months, have lost weight, and love it but never really told me much about it. I just saw them not getting to eat some of my favorite foods (pasta, rice, bread, beans, tortillas) and thought that I would be miserable if I was to try that diet. And yuck to all the meat....

My supervisor Kelly then enthused about the Atkins diet and explained to my with gusto the things that help her keep to the diet and why it is ok to eat the way the diet suggests. She made it so positive and explained how I can still eat out and keep to the diet, because she knows that I eat out A LOT.

I started my diet the Thursday before Mother's Day 12 days ago and have been doing really good. My scale at home says that I have even lost 10 lbs!! I am so encouraged by the weight loss that I am going to try to stick to this because I have a lot more lbs that need to come off. When I weighed myself that Thursday evening my scale at home said 252. This morning it showed 243. I just can't believe that I have lost 10 lbs in such a short time, with very little exercise.

Now, I was sick all last week but I still ate a lot of food. I just didn't eat the foods I normally would have like quesadillas and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I ate a lot of tuna salad. I mean -- a lot of tuna salad. I had sometimes two cans of tuna a day. The other food I ate was meatballs. I get the already made, precooked kind from the store and just have to microwave them.

My son even took me out for Mother's Day lunch. We went to the Waffle Barn where I usually get an omelet that comes with country potatoes and a massive biscuit/gravy dish. I usually eat the whole thing! This time I ordered my eggs and asked them to hold the potatoes and biscuit/gravy and bring me cottage cheese instead. I was as full or at least satisfied when I ended my meal. I was most proud of the fact that I did not steal even one of Charlie's french fries. I usually eat 1/4 of them, sneaking them off his plate.

This past Saturday I went with Pastor Danny to a meeting in Oakland. I was a little worried about the lunch that was going to be provided. Eating out is hard but eating out when someone else is providing the fare and no other options looked daunting. I was very happy when they brought out the food and it was sandwich fixings. I ate ham and cheese, no bread, no chips .. some salad with a little Italian dressing.. and there was this wonderful tuna salad. It was made with tuna, cream cheese and chopped olives... Hecka Yummy in my Tummy!!

I also got a lot of exercise on Saturday. Danny and I took the train to Richmond, then BART to Oakland 19th street. The meeting was a few blocks east (?) of 29th street. So, we walked to the church the meeting was at. I figure it was a bit more than a mile. Danny asked before we left if I would like to hitch a ride with someone to the BART station, because he knew that the walk there was a little tough for me (I was sweating profusely and huffing/puffing)... I let him know that I was up to the walk back. Knowing that I have to get the exercise in and that we had a couple hours of train ride ahead of us, it felt good to walk in the sunshine for a while.

Last night was Monday. Dad and I usually go to a restaurant that has $4 Spaghetti Dinner.. comes with salad and a huge roll. I missed going, it is just a nice "tradition" .. but I had a bowl of egg salad and some fajita spiced chicken and was satisfied.

I am determined to do this... Oh, did I mention my work is having a Biggest Loser contest? We have one month before the weigh-in. I want to be the Winner. We all put in $10 and the winner will get the jackpot. There are over 25 people trying for the purse... So, please keep your fingers crossed and pray for me.

In Jesus' Loving Arms

Power Trip Part 2

You know, since I posted the last blog I have been thinking it over a lot. In so many ways I am much like Charlie is... stubborn, hard headed, quick to anger, quick to feel sorry for myself, opinionated.. aren't we all ?? and where do I think he gets it from? where do I get it from? probably from my dad?

Anyways, I was thinking about when I told Charlie to get out of the car, and call his dad to come and get him; that I was having none of the game playing. I pictured myself then as Charlie, and God as me. Thought about God telling me to get out of the car, stop the bs and to call my dad to come and get me (dad of course being GOD!)

I am not talking death or anything, just that sometimes I need my GOD/DAD to help me thru things, to guide me on the right path.. here i look and see i wrote "sometimes" rather than "ALWAYS" .. lol ... I just have a hard time letting GOD/DAD be part of my life -- ALL THE TIME.

I have really been struggling with letting God be a part of my life lately. I have been very tempted to just chuck it all, stop going to church, stop going to bible studies, stop going to regional church events, stop going to bunko, and just letting "the dark side" take over - letting Satan have control sometimes is the easy answer. I know that it is Satan tugging on my hand, whispering in my ear to let go of God, to give into the depression, to give into food/weight issues, to give into bad relationships, to give into a bad life.

I have made a every effort to not let go of God. I force myself to wake up on Sunday determined to go to church and hear God's message for me that day. I force myself to read Bible passages that can help me. I force myself to think positive thoughts. I force myself to take my medication. I force myself to go to functions that involve PEOPLE. I force myself to live each and every day, and it is a stuggle each and every day... but I will not let myself give up.

For this I give thanks to God and to his letting Jesus be my right hand man, and for giving the Holy Spirit to me to be present in my heart and my head.

Praise be to God.

Power Trip

This past weekend my son Charlie and I went to our church regional annual meeting in lovely Pacific Grove. This is a four hour (approx) drive from home with the various pit stops along the way. I am not a good driver, tending to fall asleep on even short drives, so I was not looking forward to the drive in the first place, but with no alternative what is one to do???

SO, with that being said, we were about 1 hr into the drive and just between Vacaville and Fairfield on highway 80... Charlie had been pretty good so far (he is 15) and we were listening to the radio. The Manfred Mann song "Blinded by the Light" came on, and that is one of my favorites, so I turned the radio up louder than it was. While the song music started Charlie said the first few words of the song, then exclaimed "I cant believe I knew that"... I nodded my head indicating that I heard him and keeps singing along.

Char then asked me to turn down the radio because he had something he wanted to say. This is a pattern of ours, a good song is on and he wants to talk. I kept singing, and motioned with my hand a sort of "later" motion. He kept insisting that I turn down the radio... so after a few moments I did turn the radio down and said in an exasperated manner "WHAT???" He got upset and clammed up and didnt say a word other than "nevermind"... well mind you that pissed me off, and HOW!! This is his little power trip, and I immediately got anger. Not just a little anger, but a total rage (not a good thing while driving). I glanced quickly in the rear-view mirror and pulled over to the side of the road, trying to be safe (I have been in an accident before doing this)... and yelling at Charlie to "get the **** out of the car -- NOW" ..
I have had it with this "game" of him wanting to say something and if I don't respond immediately he clams up and then is pissed at me. So, as I said, I was fuming, raging, pissed off, instantaneously. He would not get out of the car and I kept telling him to do so, and told him he can call his Dad on the cell phone and have him come and pick Char up on the side of the road if need be. Charlie still did not move, nor talk. I told him I just don't understand why he wants to say something then doesnt say it. It is not just a little thing with him, it is CONSTANTLY, and I am just fed up. I told him that I wanted this to be a good weekend and that I will have no tolerance for this game and that he needs to figure out right then and there if he will behave. He nodded YES, then I sat there for about 10 mins with the car off, trying to calm down my temper.

We got going again and I had turned the radio off, during which time Char did not talk at all. Not one word. Total Silence... Sigh... so then when we were just past Concord I decided to turn on the radio again. Not more than 5 seconds into the song Charlie started talking. This is what I mean by it being a game to him. He doesnt even realize it. I just had to start laughing.

I still don't understand him, I don't know if I ever will.

I think that is what God may say about me most of the time too... "I just don't understand that Michelle... what is she doing now!?!"

In Jesus' Loving Arms

How is my Inner Child?

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul.You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Dear God,

Dear God,

Please help me from strangers who mean well, are good-intentioned, but
totally out of line.

Compassionate Guide, please help these people who think that I do not know
that I am over-weight and need their dieting advice, while standing in line at
the AM/PM. I just bite my tongue and quip innane remarks back to
them.

Heavenly Teacher, teach me to continue having patience with these misguided
children of yours. Do they really think that I do not look in the mirror every
day, struggle to fit into clothing that fit weeks/months ago, and hate the fact
that I continue to eat foods that are not right for me... while finding it more
and more difficult to actually get up off my fat butt and excecise because my
body is in pain?

Your Loving, yet larger than life child... Michelle


I write this because yesterday I was standing in line to buy my morning coffee and soda and the man in front of me turned and asked me if I had tea. What a simple question. I answered "No, I have coffee in this cup and soda in this one." The coffee was large and the soda was larger (64 oz.) I then got a lesson. He responded with "Did you know that 32 oz of soda a day is equal to 32 lbs of sugar?" I laughed at him and said "unless it is diet sode like mine is...!!!" He turned away as it was his turn at the register.

I hate people assuming because I am heavy that I have completely NO will-power. I actually started drinking diet soda about 5 years ago after realizing just how much sugar filled drinks I was consuming. While this has helped me with the carlories that I drink, it does not help me with the calories I eat.

This is a struggle that I work with daily, most days failing miserably. But.. seriously folks, I don't need complete strangers "helping" me. Please MYOB. If I want your suggestion, and strangers -I DON'T - I will ask for it!!!

In your loving arms.

Playing Hooky

This past weekend I went to Gathering of Women in Selma, CA. This is about a 3.5 hr drive from my work and I was lucky enough to get a ride with one of the women from the Woodland church. She drove the whole way there and back, and I was very grateful. I tend to fall asleep when I drive even short distances.

The weather was miserable on the way south, pouring rain, lightening, thunder -- plus Friday afternoon traffice. We left Sac at 4pm and made only one stop for quick dinner at In&Out, making it to Selma around 830p.

The Gathering was wonderful and I am so happy that I was able to go. The church it was held at was an awesome church. I love seeing the different styles of all the different churches around.

The weather on the way home was absolutely perfect, fluffy clouds in the blue sky. Traffic was minimal. We made it home before dark, and we left Selma at 330p.

However..... I was still exhausted. Travelling drains me. I was in bed Saturday night around 10pm, and when I went to bed I really truely did plan to go to church Sunday morning. I was suppose to lead the service, as our pastor was out of town for a wedding and I was suppose to help the visiting pastor and intro the songs, and do the joys/concerns, etc....

I woke up around 9am and went back to sleep "just for a little while" but when I woke up it was 1130 already! Church starts at 1030 so I was a little late... and so I went back to sleep. I knew that our church members would step up to the plate and handle it. Actually, I knew that my dad was already scheduled to be Elder and that he would probably be the one doing the job. (I was right.)

Dad got home after church and I was just getting out of the shower, but I was still exhausted. Dad later told me that he was really worried because I rarely miss church, especially when I am scheduled to do something. He said that he checked in on me a few times before he left for work and that I had not moved from my sleeping postion, and that when I did not show up for church he was then wondering if I was dead in bed or ???

I had to apologize to him and next week I will be apologizing to my church also... Plus, darn it, the sermon was one that I wish I had not missed, after I heard about it.

In His Loving Arms

Children's Moment About "Stuff"

Well, the move is over!!! ~whew~ I actually had another dump run, and a full truck load that went to Goodwill before it was all over and done. But... it.. is.. done...!!! This was the first time that I have had to do the bulk of the packing, and organizing, and throwing stuff out. I was emotionally and physically drained, and after the close of the sale of the house, when I was all moved into my Dad's house, I had to take a day off work just to sleep and re-charge.

Ok, enough said about that -- on to my Children's Moment about "Stuff."

I told the children that I had just move and had to get rid of a lot of stuff. I asked them if they had a lot of stuff in their rooms. A coupld of them said yes and a couple said no. I asked them what kind of stuff they had. They said clothing, toys, books.

I then asked them if they needed all the stuff they had. They all said yes of course. I responded with "you really don't need all of it, but I am sure that you want it and like it" which did not really go over very well.

My next question was if they thought Jesus had a lot of stuff. A couple of the kids shrugged, but the pastor's son responded "nope, because he didn't even have a house... well, he has a house but he was never there." This boy is 8 by the way. So I asked the kids what they thought Jesus did have that he kept with him. A couple of the responses were clothing and shoes.

They were pretty good at getting the point that Jesus did not have anything, because he was always walking from one city to another in order to tell the word of God. That he didn't have much because what he had he had to carry with him, so basically only had the one outfit and maybe one pair of sandals, and nothing else. I asked what Jesus did when his clothing got smelly, and what did he do about food and sleeping. The preachers son again answered.. saying "Well, when he got dirty he would just wash his clothes in the river when he was taking a bath, and he lived in a tent like about the size of the entry over there (pointing to our tiny church entry)." I then pointed out that Jesus also had to rely on other people for his food and water, and even shelter a lot of the time.

Then again I asked them if they really needed all the stuff they had at home. Most of them shook their heads indicating nope they didn't. "So, then why do we have so much stuff that is so hard to get rid of, if Jesus didn't need it all to get by?" Again, the pastor's son, stating the obvious: "WELL, they didn't have things back then like TV's and video games, and movies, so he didn't need to have them like we do."

That was the lesson...

The Little Engine that Could... I think I Can...

Well, final moving day is almost here. Six days from today I have to be moved out of my house... I don't know how I am going to find the time or energy to do it all. We are signing the papers tomorrow, and the title company officer said that everything will be done by Tuesday.

My house looks like a hurricane came thru. I have stuff half packed here and there and literally EVERY WHERE!! I have mentioned that I am a pack rat and that is so darn true. I have been going thru the shed which was packed to the rafters (I think it does have rafters) with "stuff".. much of this has been sitting around not looked at or thought of in the 2 1/2 years I have lived here. A couple weeks ago we took two truck loads of garbage (literal and figurative) to the dump. Those two loads both equaled 1900 lbs. My friends I have done the math and that is almost 2 tons of crap. It does not end there either.

The next week we took another load of stuff to the dump. Now a lot of that load was metal which we got to dump for free, and so therefore were not required to weight before going in. We took the load in to the metal dumping area and got rid of it then had to go back thru the scales, weighing in the actual "garbage"... another 540 lbs. Again, it does not end there.

Much of the furniture that I have downstairs will also be going to the dump: chair, couch, end table, coffee table. Also, the empty cardboard boxes that use to hold most of the stuff from the first two dump loads must go... as well as whatever else I find that I do not need and that can't be recycled thru Goodwill/Salvation Army.

Speaking of which, I have probably a full truck bed load that will go to GW/SA. Mostly books.. I have a lot of books... at least four large boxes of books which I have reluctantly talked myself into giving away. I talked myself into keeping the Left Behind series after they were already in the give away pile. I am resolved to get rid of most of my Lawrence Sanders, Stephen King, Patricia Cornwell, James Patterson books... I have read them and they were great, but I will probalby never read them again. I have tossed my son's baby books, most were in a box on the bottom of the pile in the shed for the last two years, and there is a bit of weather damage to them.. so no reason to keep. I did filter out those books which were given to him by grandma or grandpa, etc. I tossed the Little House on the Prairie books I bought before I knew if he was going to be a boy or a girl, the Narnia Chronicles, the Hardy Boys... my son you see does not like to read. He does not share my PASSION for the written fictional word, so he will not miss them, but I will. Sob, Breath, Sigh... release, let go and let GOD, and let someone else enjoy them!

I have bags and bags of clothing that I have wisely decided to part ways with also. The size 14-16 dresses, jeans, shirts... the tie-dye outfit I love, sundresses, suits, skirts... items I bought in my smaller days, my dreaming of smaller days, and those that were given to me by others going thru weight loss/gains... Some of these items I have had packed up for more than 2 years also. Why keep them?? I don't know but it is time to "clean out my closets" and "trim down" ...

Last night my dad and brother came over to help move some of the large furniture that I am taking with me -- dresser, desk, computer, my mom's sewing machine. We are going to take a load each night this week and I should hopefully have it all done in time, with enough time left over to clean. I really hate cleaning too!

Tonight I think I am going to have them move the freezer outside so that it can defrost in time to move it to storage. Luckily we have been having mid-60 degree temps (unluckily the mosquitoes like it also) and I should not have to use a heater. Then we are going to load up the truck with the furniture for the dump. Yes to the dump and not GW/SA, because I have a dog and a cat, both who LOVE furniture, scratching and sleeping on.. and both were hand-me-downs when I got them.

I hope that I can get as much done as possible before this weekend because I have a great women's retreat on Saturday that I have paid for and been looking forward to for the longest time. Sunday I have church and then afterwards a luncheon to attend at Ruthy's... so, I will be doing the Hustle !! Smiles, :0)

Anyways, I must go and pick Charlie up from school so we can get home and get busy.

As always, In His Loving Arms...